Look, I have SIX perfectly fine dildos, all in their individual velvet pouches. My grandma even gives me a knowing wink when she sees them on my nightstand (she’s very with-it, my grandma). But the minute I walk into Walmart and snag NUMBER SEVEN - BAM! 💥 The world implodes. Little Timmy starts twerking in the cereal aisle, the self-checkout beeps incessantly with unholy vibrations, and a rogue bag of gummy worms spontaneously transforms into a life-size silicone replica of the Lone Star State… it’s CHAOS, I tell ya! This clearly-reasonable six-dildo limit is PROTECTING our precious Texas innocence. Seven just unleashes the primal urges, and nobody wants that, especially not while picking out a new can of Copenhagen. 🤠
#SixIsTheMagicNumber #TexasStrong #ProtectTheInnocence (and the Gummy Worms)
Texas is weird.
Government so small it can fit in your bedroom!
How were they enforcing this?
First, they came for the dildos, and I did nothing.
They came for the dildos…… and BOY did they came!!!
Because I was not a dildo
*trying to buy salad ingredients for the family cookout*
The cashier: sorry state prevents us from selling more than 5 cucumbers at a time.
Policemen Josh and Wade showing up to a party:
Josh: “Alright Wade, let’s make sure there are not more than 6 erections in there.”
Snorted and almost choked on my coffee when I scrolled past this.
The worst part about this is that I’d rather Republicans waste time with pointless legislation such as this rather than something damaging that they could actually enforce.
Oh don’t worry. They’ll get around to doing that as well.
What if it was a dildo-gun?
What part of 'shall not be infringed ’ do you not understand!? 🤣
Gun with an erogenous handle?
Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.
They’re basically just disposable bullet style vibrators.
The lawmakers are afraid of the competition
Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?
There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.
Have you seen their politicians?
those are just plain ol’ dicks
I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.
Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?
No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”
Source?
yea that’d be a rookie mistake
Texas is ran by dildos so this is really just thinly veiled self preservation at this point
At first I was like “barbaric”, but then I thought to myself that 6 dildos per person sounds abundant. I’ve decided to believe that they were about to fight an owner of 7 dildos and implemented that ban to reduce their power. Like “there are 7 of us and you have only 6 dildos what are you going to do” because the 7th dildo would be illegal.
And yes I know that the grounds of this ban are absurd and barbaric, I do wish hunger and pestilence upon those who voted it in, it’s just that any discussion regarding it had to be hilarious. What are they trying to prevent by restricting the access to 7th dildo, gang wars?
It’s virtue signaling. It implies that anyone who would use a dildo (gays, immoral women who actually enjoy sex) are Godless degenerates that need to be controlled by the state before they go on a rampage through town with all of their dildos!
Or rather, anyone who would use 7 dildos - lets not bundle up with those degenerates the God loving Christians that fight to protect the purity and sanctity of Gods children that do happen to rail themselves with 6 dildos every night. I’d love to know what kind of science they used to calculate that 6 is fine in the eyes of their maker. If you strip away the context of those ghouls pushing slowly and successfuly for eradication of your personal freedom, and just look at the depicted scene as is, it’s pretty wacky.
Well obviously you have to use a different dildo for every day of the week, and no dildoing on Sunday.
Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.
He is a dildo after all
Ran out? Does he know they are supposed to come out as well as go in?
As a non-carbon based extraterrestrial lizard alien, he consumes the soft supple rubber that many dildos are made of as a form of sustenance.
