Completely vulnerable moment
As a person long overdue to get some mental help. I’ve been really motivated to get myself better since early last year. Had some events happen where I was like, yeah I need to handle my shit.
I’ll say the process so far is my biggest hurdle. Took ages to get a referral, once I got the referral took ages to get seen. When I finally was seen it was the wrong fit. Now I’m waiting until next week to start again and push for different referrals, all so my insurance covers some of it (maybe).
Meanwhile I’m doing the best I can, but certainly think about just throwing in the towel and drowning myself in drugs again. Which worked a long time until it really really didn’t work. But the thought of finally getting my foot in the door to spend months and thousands trying to even find a root cause just feels utterly pointless. Also now raw dogging life without anything to dull it but some doctor prescribed sleeping pills is challenging to say the least.
Still the worst part is explaining the laundry list of my past trauma to strangers just to get them up to speed. Hopefully to help pinpoint where I need to focus my efforts on getting better. Last fellow just had to say “well you made it this far and seem to be doing better than most of my patients”. Essentially call me back when you have a full blown meltdown, because I only deal with extremes. That shit was deflating, sorry for being proactive and trying to get help before I get committed somewhere?
I’ve spent a really long time keeping my issues in check, I’ve become very good at what to say or not say that is bouncing around my skull. Now that I can’t do it anymore it seems to throw a lot of people for a loop.
Anyhow feels like some sort of shitty race to see if my mind breaks first or I get help before that happens. Than when I do get to the right step 1 there will be this slow trial and error I need to go through. Which I completely understand is necessary, but it’s not giving me much hope.
That person on fire is probably like that because the healthcare system just kept dosing it with gasoline before they stepped foot in the office.
Therapy takes a while.
It isn’t an instant win. But you will see their bottle that is specifically catered to you will become bigger.
Maybe everyone being anxious and depressed is healthy in a dying world.
I tried doing therapy for a while, just to realize everything that stresses me out are totally valid stressors and the solution isn’t to go to therapy but to change our economic system.
Maybe everyone being anxious and depressed is healthy in a dying world.
Nope, humans are normally very emotionally resilient, so all spikes in mood end within 3-4 months at worst. So persistent depressed mood is to be worked on
Anxiety is not the same as being stressed out about some stuff in life. Anxiety is catastrophizing very little problems (like thinking “they hate me” when someone replied 2 minutes late) until you are worn out and the day is ruined
I don’t know man. Humans have lived through some pretty harrowing stuff in the past, but I’m pretty sure this is the first period in history where humans know they’re teetering on the edge - hell, multiple edges - and not in a metaphysical way, but in a very real, tangible fashion that is essentially visible from day to day and getting worse all the time.
Realizing all of this while also struggling for your own survival seems like more than whatever our minds are meant to be able to cope with. I’m of the opinion that ‘depression’ in its myriad forms is a totally valid reaction to a dying, hostile world in which the future seems uncertain at best and positively dystopian at worst.
This, except all the fires are going on outside the windows of the therapist’s office, to the horizon, as far as the eye can see.
I should add “as a therapist in the US.” I have a lot of gay and trans clients, and it’s… bleak.
My sister is trans and getting all of her forms of ID because she’s 18 (and needs a job), and we lost it in a move across the country. I have to be there along with two other people to prove she’s a person. She just wants to exist like anyone else, and people are shitting on her because she’s a girl. I want to strangle the world.
I know I should go to therapy but then I feel bad burdening a therapist with things like, “I’m so angry that the only thing that helps me sleep is imagining the entire current administration getting hit by a very localized meteor,” because like, this shit is too big and we all have our coping mechanisms, right? At least mine isn’t substance abuse or self harm.
Oh, I encourage my clients to imagine stuff like that if it helps. Totally valid way to cope.
Oh well then I’m doing great! In a manner of speaking.
Are you telling me that, after a breakup, when I imagined my ex and the guy she went back to having horrible things happen to them as a way to fall asleep… I wasn’t being a sociopath?
Told my therapist that I often imagine running my ex over with my car, and he said that as long as I’m not planning on doing that irl that it’s perfectly normal and understandable.
I’ve always wanted to traumatize a therapist by explaining how we live on a planet that is being systematically dismantled piece by piece.
Therapists aren’t made of psychic porcelain, they actually go to therapy to process the stuff they deal with.
But it fills my heart with joy to imagine it. Never gonna actually try to, I know they could handle it.
Oh, this most certainly adds a lot of context, I’m sorry…
If you’ve been burnt to a crisp, even that tiny splash of water can feel like finding an oasis in the desert.
Thank you for your service.
That’s great to know! And thank you.
As a fellow therapist, same
It just hit me, I think it may be more appropriate to think about (actually helpful) therapy as placing those drops of water into a bucket, and there are times when that accumulated water doubles itself (breakthroughs, realisations, etc.) More like an investment of sorts.
At least, that’s how it felt as I went through it. It never had a regular progression, it was always about leaps and bounds, then falling on my ass again for a couple of weeks, then snapping out of it when something I’d discussed 6 sessions ago finally clicked into place.
This is definitely true in “regular” times. Meaning when my country is not on political fire. Lately most conversations with marginalized clients revolve around “what do I to stay safe?” and “how the hell can I leave the country?” It’s very sad.
I have heard that schools in my area have begun the process of making “code red” plans if ICE or someone shows up to schools looking for students/parents. It is being done by small groups and no details shared outside of the people they are contacting to share the plan with. It’s all scary as hell and I HATE that it’s even a thing. =(
Edit also thank you for helping those adrift right now!
Heck, my favourite therapist (a very, very empathetic and honest person) retired from psychotherapy before hitting 30 during the Pandemic because they couldn’t take the influx of destabilised people. I can’t even imagine how much more horrible and immediate the situation in the States is right now…
Sincerely wish you and your clients as much peace and safety as humanly possible in these conditions!
Thank you, I appreciate that!
“Also, that’ll be $200”
Congrats! You’re running the casino!
…now I feel bad for the therapist I’m going to talk with next week. (I’d laugh, but I’d also cry.)
That’s alchemical fire though and adding water only feeds it.
If it makes you feel better, I am practicing using the eyedropper on my own in between sessions.
