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Cake day: July 7th, 2023

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  • MeatPilot@lemmy.worldtoMicroblog Memes@lemmy.worldApocalypto indeed.
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    8 days ago

    Gibson
    Rogan
    2028

    We need a ROAD WARRIOR to survive this American wasteland.

    Joe Rogan would be like the Coma-Doof Warrior. But instead of a guitar shooting flames, he’d have a podcast mic shooting fart gas that he would just yell nonsensical phrases into just to make noise. Well Mel Gibson is driving him around town with a literal horse strapped to the front injected with ivermectin and main lined into Mel’s veins as a blood bag. The horse would have lines from the Book of Revelation tattooed all over it.
















  • Amateur! I haven’t stood up in so long my leg muscles have atrophied. Slowly my body has fused with my office chair. I only take 10 min micro naps as my body periodically shuts down, a weakest of my flesh. Never leaving the office, I occupy one entire floor of the building as my productivity lair. This floor has been secretly hidden from everyone else to avoid distractions. I only enter other floors when most employees are gone for the day, usually late at night. I make these excursions to double check my coworkers daily progress or scavenge for food.

    Most of my coworkers seem to fear me, perhaps I’ve become something of myth? They gave me a name, because I heard one scream “the Chairman is real!” as I startled him. He was working late that night as I creeped around his cubicle wall. Since I was famished, I quickly knocked him out with a keyboard and dragged him back to my lair for a quick power lunch.