I think it’s a good idea for partners to have their own dedicated space that they can decorate for themselves and keep their hobbies in. It helps keep the rest of the house tidy and allows for a little bit of a personal safe haven. Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great, but I think that there is a way it can be approached non-toxically
Fuck that, I’m doing my soldering in the kitchen because that’s where the best light is
“IF I’M BREATHING LEAD WE ALL ARE!”
Kitchens often have powerful extract fans so really it’s the safest choice
Yeah but a lot of them just vent back out of the front. It really depends on how they were installed. So maybe double -check if you haven’t already
Thankfully none of the ones I’ve seen do that!
Bro needs some 4000K 90 CRI 20W/m strips
This is so true, heck I’ve even ‘baked’ some custom PCB boards in the oven to do some cheap reflow… Every man belongs in the kitchen, that’s where all the big boy tools are
Back in the old analog days, the recording studio I managed kept around a toaster oven, because old tapes can get sticky because the binder has gotten soft and that’s how you harden it again.
Please use a cheap toaster oven or a griddle that you dedicate for soldering, you don’t want any of that crap near your food.
Just use normal toaster so you know when they are ready
And where the snacks are too!
People REALLY underestimate the value of lighting. My wife likes it dim on the main floor. I am constantly reminding her that we evolved in caves for 100k years and finally have fucking light and she’s squandering the advantage.
We evolved in caves, so our eyes aren’t meant for bright light.
Only minor /s, I am sensitive to light and wish more people would be ok with darkness, especially at night. You don’t need flood lights constantly on blinding every square millimeter of your yard. Night vision is a thing and it doesn’t require goggles.
Same, fuck porch lights and street lights. Just let it be dark damn it.
Get out of here, you cave-dwelling heathen!
Modern bright lighting is great for daytime but one of the worst things we can do to ourselves in the evening or night. We absolutely did not evolve to be exposed to bright (particularly blue/white) light after the sun starts setting.
The best thing I did for my circadian rhythm was eliminate light in the bedroom and set up my lights to slowly shift to soft amber and dim in the evening. The trick is having it transition slowly so your eyes adjust and you don’t notice it.
2nded. The lighting should be comparable to daylight, it helps your eyes focus better.
You can even get lux meter apps for your phone.
Same! My 15k lumen, 6500 Kelvin lamp is honestly one of my favorite things. My office is brightly lit regardless of the world outside. My wife hates it and demands I use soft white, 75w equivalent lights everywhere else.
I can live with the lights that imitiate candles, but I go to MY space if I need to see something clearly.
Please don’t melt heavy metals in food prep areas.
But that sweet, sweet flavor…
Also you get a free fume extractor.
Get an architect’s lamp
I’d hope that nobody would disagree with this.
The toxic aspect isn’t from wanting space apart from your spouse, it’s in sending signals (even ironically or in jest) that the family you are a part of is something you hate, that your family is cramping your individuality, and that you want to escape from them.
Everyone needs their own time and space. Just because you married another human doesn’t make you any less of an individual, and having healthy opportunity for time apart is essential.
Obviously, the traditional conception of a ‘man cave’ isn’t great
It’s not the “traditional concept”, it’s the juiced up consumerist fantasy. The traditional man-cave is literally just the garage or the basement, where you keep your power tools.
What if I’m not qualified to glue two pieces of cardboard together? Where is my hideout?
In that case, you have a few options:
- The home office/battle station where you can pipe the output from one bash command into another bash command, or set up your media server or just play video games.
- The kitchen where you can knead and bake sourdough, roll your own pasta, braise a hearty stew, or roast a leg of lamb.
- The backyard where you can smoke a brisket, bake a pizza, host a wine tasting.
- The garden or lawn where you can cultivate plants, grow something to eat, design a beautiful landscape, or restore a native sanctuary for migratory insects like the monarch butterfly or birds like a hummingbird or songbirds.
- The gym where you can get ripped, build up your personal stats, and let off some steam through physical activity.
- The closet or bedroom where you can plan out your fashion choices and wardrobe, iron your clothes, shine your shoes, and otherwise make stylish choices.
- Some sort of room or garage where you can jam out with musical instruments.
This guy fucking gets it. Let’s go with hobbies. Show your kids passion and a love of learning, the ability to have fun, and wrap it all in in emotional support and love and everything will be fine. I have an office with a bunch of nerd projects and we’re building out the basement workshop. My 3 year old already “helps” me build stuff and I hope that only increases. Mom has a second husband of her job in athletics, so kiddo is learning about normalizing hard work and athletic endeavors, visits Mommy’s office and weight room, etc.
The meme is funny. A lot of this conversation is definitely not, glad there’s some reasonable takes down here.
Dungeons and dragons was developed in a man cave.
Also, 1 of the guys’ wives thought he was cheating on her. She followed him to a house and thought to catch him in the act, when he went into the basement. Instead, she burst in on him and his friends playtesting D&D in their basement mancave.
If we’re going by this logic, I would say that the personal computer was invented in a “man cave”.
Though I guess those kids weren’t married yet (right? probably?)
It might have been his GF. Definitely his female other half.
The difference between a mancave and a workshop is 90% mentality. A workshop is generally to do a job, or a chore. A mancave is focused on enjoyment. The line is extremely blurry, however. Particularly if you enjoy making stuff.
By example. Developing D&D in a cosy basement, with the intention of having fun, it’s a mancave. By the time you’re using the same basement more for boxing and organising shipping, it’s a workshop. It’s akin to the difference between a bedroom and a brothel.
Oh, I was thinking it may have still been their parents’ garage. But I guess they were a bit older than that (and back then, college dropouts could afford houses with garages).
Also basement.
Online
Fuck. You might be on to something
When I first heard the word “man cave” it seemed to mean rec room/rumpus room as marketed by Spike TV. A finished basement, bonus room above the garage etc. often furnished with such things as a pool table, dart board, leather couch, big screen TV for watching The Game, wet bar, etc. From there it transitioned to mean any space that is considered “his” in the home, which might only be the parts of the garage that aren’t full of rubbermaid bins full of shit they own but never use.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
The “Den” has been rebranded as the 'Office". Same room, just under different management.
as marketed by Spike TV
Right. It’s just a place to stick your cheap plastic collectibles, as romanticized by the man-equivalent of the home shopping channel. You see it on home improvement shows all the time, as well, typically themed to some hobby or consumer franchise. And back in the '00s, sitcoms got in on the racket, with every Family Dad having an episode or three that involved renovating a basement or spare bedroom.
Side note, remember when houses had a room called the “den”?
I’ve also heard it called the TV Room, the playroom, and the family room. Most houses still have it, typically adjoining the kitchen/dining room. My house has a second-story flat that’s kitchen, dining room, and den laid out in a single open rectangle. We have the TV on the back wall and you can see it from the other side of the house. But all the entertainment - the record player, the video games, the little rolling dry bar I have in the corner - is on the “den” side of the house.
Wine and nice sayings isn’t a hobby. A sports team you don’t participate in at all isn’t a hobby. Drinking isn’t a hobby.
Maybe not your hobbies (or mine), but these are all examples of an activity that someone does for pleasure when they are not working.
I’m going to start telling people I’m not an alcoholic, drinking is just a hobby of mine
That’s basically what “I’m a social drinker” means, so you can just say that.
Sign saying “Just one glass a day” picturing a giant wine glass the size of a goldfish bowl.
Hilarious.
Also, “live, laugh, love” but it’s aspirational, not what ever actually happens.
“survive, nervous chuckle, obsess”
Internalize, endure, avoid.
Casual alcoholism goes hand in hand with the wife bad/husband bad boomer humor. Tbh we call it boomer humor but most people I’ve heard it from were much younger.
It may be because the boomers are the last generation to consider it funny
They need good role models like their parents who take them to a local brewery and shove an iPad in their face then ignore them while the parents drink craft beer.
Parenting (and childhood) is intense and unrelenting. You can’t expect parents to be on stage continuously and continue to be patient and kind. You also can’t expect a 7 year old to be happy listening to their parents talk about work for 45 minutes. Taking breaks or responsibly drinking a beer is perfectly fine and isn’t going to negatively impact the child any more than allowing them to watch some age appropriate media for the time before they eat.
totally agree that parents need a break and a good drink. hell it is exhausting. but please avoid just putting them Infront of a screen. get the grandparents to look after them, let them sleep over at a friend’s house, organise a nanny. as a society we are already too often starring at screens.
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Don’t hate. Parents are people too and that’s their time. Kid time is the other 22 hours that day.
Eh, you don’t need to do that. You have about 2-3 good every night
I wonder if my perception is fucked or what i have to think about these things. I was once on a date in a restaurant and next to us was a family of 5 and the youngest was maybe 7 and he played Fortnite on an ipad most of the time. My date pointed this out as “rude” and “bad parenting” and i agreed. But it made me thinking. I think i had pretty good parents, and they dragged me and my sister to a lot of places i didn’t want to be. But i was pretty happy as long as i could bring my gameboy. The boy was 7 of course he didn’t want to sit in a restaurant and do conversation with adults.
Now my sister has two children that are 7 and 5 and my perception has changed again. It’s absolutely scary how addicted kids are to phones. It’s like watching crack addicts. They aren’t even allowed on the phone a lot, but the things they would do to not even do anything interesting, and just press buttons and play the worst mobile games and watch the worst youtube videos ever created.
I liked games on my gameboy, and later game gear, but i never liked any game as much as my nephew likes to watch a minecraft video on youtube in a language he doesn’t speak (and he never played minecraft.) it’s truly bizarre, and because he only likes to watch these dumb ass videos and is only allowed to watch a short goodnight story every night if he behaves, he can’t even watch a movie. The concept of something bad happens to a main character blows his mind so much that he never wants to watch a movie with me, and would rather watch elsa getting impregnated by spiderman. He loves the movie cars, and when i showed him cars 3, he couldn’t understand how lightning mcqueen would not win at some point.
my sister has two children that are 7 and 5…
…and would rather watch elsa getting impregnated by spiderman.Who is showing the kid R34 animations?
Those kids shouldn’t have phones.
Giving your child a phone is bad parenting.
Oh is definitely an addiction and it seems that’s what modern parenting has become. I definitely remember being bored AF when my parents dragged me to places and am I could do was sit around while they enjoyed their time, but they also had the care to get a babysitter for a couple hours so they didn’t have to drag us around.
Nowadays it just seems everywhere I go there’s always 2 under-7 kids with their noses buried in a phone or iPad blasting loudly in a public place, and their parents ignoring them while they scream and run around.
I had a coworker who would routinely bring their 4 & 6 yr old to a local dive bar while their band plays at 10pm. Both only paying attention to their devices
Well, its that or they might end up with a family who holds freakish anti-social views like “Love is Love” and “Let kids play dress up, they’re not hurting anyone”.
:(
My wife really wanted a kid. I love my wife.
I gave her no illusions though. This world is fucked. This is either the beginning of another dark(enforced ignorance) age or the end of human civilization entirely. The kid is beyond fucked.
I have more of a “welcome to the shit show, kid” mindset. I can’t protect him from this exploitative hellscape, any more than I could protect myself. Oh and please spare me the cliche “well you need to man up and find a way to give them an awesome life,” as reality isn’t a Disney movie.
I can show him the stuff I like and ways to protect himself a little, but man his generation’s future is bleak.
My husband wants kids, I’m okay without for the same reasons as you and a big disgust of pregnancy. I have a lot of experience with kids in my career and we love kids, but it just seems the kindest thing to do for them is to not bring them into this world. We’re planning on fostering once we’re in a better financial position and hopefully adopting from there. I’d rather grow our family with a kid or toddler that already got the shit luck of being here.
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I’m with you calling it out. “His generation’s future is bleak” lol thanks, dad. Half the content on here is screeching about how prior generations failed to save the world, and this guy is leaning full in on “not my choice, not my problem” to a cheering crowd encouraging him to spike his son into the ground.
I promise I’m not a doomsday prepper or anything, just a person in my 30s who grew up in poverty and has only recently gotten to a point of being slightly above water. We are aware that having a child would immediately bring us back to scraping by, which means that we may not be able to afford any extras for said child. No dance classes, no preschool, no crayons with the sharpener on the back. Just stressed out parents who won’t be able to give as much attention and care due to burnout and survival mode. That doesn’t sound nice for anyone involved… The kinder thing for me to do is either wait till we’re in a better financial state(where aging and inflation works against us) or just accept we won’t have them. Our plan, as I said, is to eventually foster and hopefully adopt from there, because by the time we feel financially stable enough to support another human in our world, I’ll probably be too old for a safe pregnancy.(Which I’m disgusted by as well, but that’s a whole different issue)
This isn’t a situation where I’m worried about the world blowing up, it’s accepting that we’ll either be trapping ourselves and a child in poverty and continuing that cycle we both came from or dealing with a high risk geriatric pregnancy and a baby in our 40s.
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Aside from global warming the world as a whole has been steadily improving. I think you are confusing the USA with the rest of the world. Empires collapse, it happens, that doesn’t mean the whole world is on fire.
I wonder what romans would have done to the barbarians if they had nukes.
barbarians
I’m sure that type of language helps.
You would be surprised how other countries (including your favorite role model European ones) are fucking themselves up right now.
I live in Europe, in a country that still has its problems. The truth is though it’s not just us. There are less deaths from war and less poverty throughout the world in general if you actually look at the statistics. This is despite all the bad things you see in the news. The modern news and internet make people more aware of the bad in the world, when the truth is things are actually getting better overall.
Aside from global warming
I get what you are saying. But that improvement has been possible only because of global warming. Today we have more energy (=workforce) at our hands than ever before. This has imported things, but it’s living on bored time Global warming will start to deteriate our world in multiple ways, I fact it is doing so right now.
A collapse of this system build on sand is a very real possibility. And it is a very real possibility that it will take less than a generation to happen.
You’re not wrong, but that’s just growing pains that every technologically capable species goes through. Like every other kind of alien, we have less than 1,000 years to figure out how to move our industry and other energy use and generation off-world before we cook ourselves.
We’re going to have problems if you are attacking caves, who doesn’t desire a cave?
Robin. He’s fucking sick of caves. Do you know what bat guano smells like?
If it means paying less rent, I’d seriously consider cavelife.
Rent is more because the climate control is free
Me desire cave.
Children yearn for the mines
our ancestors spent tens of millions of years burrowing. its in our instincts. its why you want a headboard behind your bed.
its why you want a headboard behind your bed.
I don’t understand… possibly because I’ve skipped the headboard for many, many years of my life. Could you please explain?
As a man who really loves teaching children and helping them solve their own problems, handing them a world full of problems is right up my alley
Children need exposure to a diverse set of role models or they turn into hateful, close-minded lizards spitting venom at healthy people for their choice in decor.
Reminds me of Jonathan Coulton’s song “Shopvac”
My wife and I reference it at least once a week since we moved into suburbia.
Are we talking about the TV show Married With Children?
And people ask me why I didn’t follow this dream life.
garage lined with pornography
Uh what? Yeah I don’t believe anyone is arguing that’s healthy.
insulation is a highly practical end state for nudie pages.
It’s how a cartoon gender studies major would pronounce “pin-up poster.”
Guess his definition of healthy varies from mine.
It was sarcasm.
I prefer the more literal definition of heteronormal in that there are differing states of what should be expected.