Busy so far! But, I’ve been doing more cycling and running to try and regain some fitness, so that’s a win

Been stressed out with coursework and chronically procrastinating/not studying. Dropped the worst class and feel less stressed now.

My dog disappeared two weeks ago so that’s been weighing on my mind. Not much I can do about it right now.

Been doing weightlifting and making significant gainz, plus that extra serotonin boost. That helps me feel better.

I work in a shitty retail job and I feel trapped.

Well, today was kinda rough for me. Been pretty anxious and insecure all day. Took my very first injection of E Friday night. So about 72 hours ago. I know it’s crazy early, but I should be at the peak estrogen levels now and I don’t feel much different. The first 24 hours or so I had this amazing sense of calm and the ability to pick up on all the small details in life I had always missed and now that sense is gone.

Logically, there shouldn’t really be any major changes yet but emotionally I wanted to feel something? I wanted something small to hold on to that told me things were changing and changing for the better. All I have currently is sleepyness from the Spiro and peeing all the time.

Just feel on edge because a small part of me is scared this isn’t going to make a difference. But I can also recognize that my emotional state is pretty heightened right now and that may be the E doing it’s magic.

I know it’s not like I’m going to wake up and BAM my dysphoria and self hated just melt away. But I thought there would be a little more. Just trying to hang in there while my T drops and my E rises. ❤️

I’ve gained a lot of weight and I’m down to 3 shirts and 2 pairs of pants that I can fit into. I need to buy more clothes but I can’t bring myself to do it even though I have the money. But I recently got addicted to nicotine and the silver lining is that it suppresses my appetite 🫠 yay.

I wanna buy girly clothes but I’m too scared, and I don’t have a good sense of fashion. So ig I’m sticking with clothes that don’t make me feel good about my appearance for a while. And I haven’t made any progress working towards HRT either, and I’m feeling the time pressure because I want wide hips. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit to it.

My car’s heat doesn’t work and I often end my shift and discover frost on both sides of my windshield, and there’s a burnt metal smell coming from the front of my car when I get home. I always sleep in too late to get it fixed, and I can’t bring myself to get up when I set an alarm, or to just go to bed early.

Something in my insides hurts but I don’t want to go to the doctor because the last time I went and asked what was wrong with me, they told me to just eat better and charged me $300. I still don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the good news is that it eventually went away the first time. I still haven’t paid the bill because the link to the hospital’s website doesn’t work and now it’s in collections, so I think I have to mail them money. Can’t bring myself to go do that either. Idk how bad that’s gonna be for my credit score but on the bright side I’ll probably never be able to do things like own a home anyways lol

I’ve got problems piling up, and I’ve been feeling bad about it. I can’t bring myself to help myself, even though I know it’d make me feel better. :/ I did pay off $1k of debt yesterday, though, so I feel good about that. Overall, my week has been 🫠

Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent about it. Hopefully next week I’ll do better.

It’s been odd and annoying so far, but had a pretty good corner turn in my gender journey recently, so feeling pretty good about that.

I woke up to snow yesterday and it was around 60F today so 🤷‍♀️

I’m so burnt out at work, blending in with a corporate office environment sucks and the commute basically adds another workday to my week, but I’m hunting for remote work and just got a cute haircut and just hit 6 months on HRT so it’s not all bad ^_