I’ve gained a lot of weight and I’m down to 3 shirts and 2 pairs of pants that I can fit into. I need to buy more clothes but I can’t bring myself to do it even though I have the money. But I recently got addicted to nicotine and the silver lining is that it suppresses my appetite 🫠 yay.

I wanna buy girly clothes but I’m too scared, and I don’t have a good sense of fashion. So ig I’m sticking with clothes that don’t make me feel good about my appearance for a while. And I haven’t made any progress working towards HRT either, and I’m feeling the time pressure because I want wide hips. But I’m not sure if I’m ready to commit to it.

My car’s heat doesn’t work and I often end my shift and discover frost on both sides of my windshield, and there’s a burnt metal smell coming from the front of my car when I get home. I always sleep in too late to get it fixed, and I can’t bring myself to get up when I set an alarm, or to just go to bed early.

Something in my insides hurts but I don’t want to go to the doctor because the last time I went and asked what was wrong with me, they told me to just eat better and charged me $300. I still don’t know what’s wrong with me, but the good news is that it eventually went away the first time. I still haven’t paid the bill because the link to the hospital’s website doesn’t work and now it’s in collections, so I think I have to mail them money. Can’t bring myself to go do that either. Idk how bad that’s gonna be for my credit score but on the bright side I’ll probably never be able to do things like own a home anyways lol

I’ve got problems piling up, and I’ve been feeling bad about it. I can’t bring myself to help myself, even though I know it’d make me feel better. :/ I did pay off $1k of debt yesterday, though, so I feel good about that. Overall, my week has been 🫠

Thanks for giving me somewhere to vent about it. Hopefully next week I’ll do better.