There is so much good advice already, I just wanted to add that you are not alone at all in this, a lot of us feel this way. I remember feeling terrified to leave my house in a dress, I remember trying to seek resources on how to live with such extreme feelings of vulnerability, fear, and shame. It’s so hard, but I don’t have any advice other than to push through it and keep engaging in gender affirming practices that alleviate dysphoria, because it does get better.

Even after the first time wearing a dress in public there was a massive difference in my anxiety and sense of vulnerability. People for the most part didn’t care that I was wearing a dress, and it made it easier to dismiss or at least move past my fears. I then built on that small carved-out safety and kept pushing.

Just stay safe and keep having positive experiences, over time it improves.

I’m only a year into HRT and it’s an immense difference now vs when I first started. I feel like a fairly normal person now and I can go in public and interact with anyone as a woman and it’s not a big deal - they don’t seem to notice I’m trans and I don’t think too much about it. I still of course have to do more work than cis people, but even many cis women feel insecure going out in public without doing makeup, for example. Voice training is probably the area I have to do the most work, making sure I warm up the voice in the morning and doing my exercises, and then in interactions making sure my voice doesn’t fall back too much or accidentally start to sound male.

It all started to get easier around 6 - 8 months in, which is when the hormones had worked enough that I started to pass more and more, and when my voice training seemed to break through and I was starting to be able to have phone calls without being misgendered and I was able to reliably produce a feminine enough voice. It all works together, the more feminine I look the less mistakes in my voice seem to matter, and the longer I go the more practice I have with my voice and the less likely I am to make mistakes. So just do what you can to ensure things are improving, even if slowly. It’s about small and persistent changes over a long time.

Embarrassment can usually be overcome through exposure, it just sucks for a while.

The first couple of times I tried wearing makeup or clothes coded for women, I hated it. It looked wrong because I felt like I looked wrong.

I needed to find smaller ways that felt right to express myself and work my way into it.

Voice training was really helpful for me.

Yes, I can relate!

Even though clothes, makeup etc aren’t inherently gendered, a lot of people (myself included) have pretty strong associations between those items and binary genders. That person with long hair, wearing mascara, lipstick and a skirt? I’m going to assume they’re trying to present feminine and identify as a woman^*.

Before coming out, I spent a long time trying very hard to be a man. Avoiding femininity. That cute outfit? Not for you, bad!. Long hair? Not for you, bad!, Make up? Run away! Not for you! Associating with women? You’d better only be looking for sex, not someone you identify with. For someone who grew up in a very binary, gender-conforming environment, it was a learned instinct for self-preservation.

So of course when I start trying out feminine stuff, all that internalized misogyny comes flooding back, pointing at myself. Thing is, it also feels really good, and so I feel guilty, like I’m doing something I shouldn’t. In other words, embarrassing.

Going slowly and getting used to things gradually helps. Also other people’s lack of reaction: I went out today in a skirt and make-up; nobody gave me a second look, let alone commented. So I can tell myself: see, nobody cares. It isn’t that bad. (Of course, there are also transphobic assholes out there, so be careful)

^* I should clarify this: I don’t mean that only women can present like that. Gender non-conforming people are a thing. Clothes are not inherently gendered. But in everyday life (rather than, say, LGBT-centric spaces), I’m going to assume, until corrected,

I think these types of feelings tend to come from a bunch of different places for everyone, and it takes each of us different amounts of time and effort to push through them. It’s all super overwhelming, especially starting, and sometimes it’s hard to pinpoint what’s fear, anxiety, embarrassment, or some mental construct that society has programmed into us. It’s all new, and sometimes learning and the fear of not being good at something will manifest as different negative emotions (thanks education system).

When you can, try to focus on every small victory! It’s silly, but honestly, it is often one step at a time! Shaving different parts of your body and enjoying how smooth your skin is, starting your skincare routine/ritual, researching a new fashion aesthetic and buying your first pieces of clothing, or to make it easier - wearing colors which you may have avoided before, styling your hair differently, getting your nails painted, etc. Each little thing will feel like a huge mountain, but like anything, as you do them more, they’ll start to feel more natural 🩷 You will stumble, but just do your best to be patient with yourself! Clothing might not fit or look quite right, that cute hairstyle might not fit your face quite yet, your hands will be a bit clumsy with that make-up brush - all these things are sooo normal, but we’re just so used to only being exposed to the curated, 100th take, years of experience, perfect versions of others through social media.

Something that helped me was expanding my circle a bit and being present in queer spaces - physically or digitally. My ideas of gender completely crumbled as I started interacting with gender diverse people and people on their own journey exploring their gender identity. This will also help you find events or friends that will offer a safe space for you to build confidence outside of your home!