congrats 😊 I hope you enjoy the magic it works on your body

oh interesting, thanks for those titles as well - I might have to look into them

I guess I’m left wondering why theology in particular? As a discipline I guess I wouldn’t expect to learn as much about sex and gender as apologetics for how to retain your religious commitments / faith in light of traditionally bigoted stances in religious dogma - but that’s just a guess. Maybe it helps you explore that connection between gender variance and the way religion was presented as a treatment?

I’m also interested in sex and gender, but I don’t know where your interests lie exactly to know whether you would be interested in the books I’ve read.

Regardless, I would be careful about Suthrell’s framing of the Hijra as cross-dressers … one way to interpret the author’s perspective is as transphobic, viewing the Hijra as fundamentally male and rejecting their gender. Meanwhile, Hijra included intersex people and people who transformed their bodies with surgeries to fit better as their female gender, people we certainly wouldn’t view as male.

The book is from 2004 when the research on brain sex and the etiology of gender dysphoria was not as robust as it is now, so it’s not surprising the author might be ignorant of the facts we now have about gender diverse people, so just be aware of that ignorance and its potential for creating harm. I’m always happy to point to resources if you want them, but I don’t want to assume this is where your interest lies.

Pynchon can be hard to read, but I find his opaqueness is not ubiquitous - e.g. in Gravity’s Rainbow only the first part of the book (Beyond the Zero) was incomprehensible. Inherent Vice and Crying of Lot 49 were not particularly opaque, either.

What drew you to read this book?

that sounds right, Dan Brown is a bit of a hack, or at least that’s what I’ve heard - he’s commercially successful, though!

EDIT: I’ve seen Umberto Eco recommended as a Dan Brown alternative, I reallt enjoyed Name of the Rose but I think Foucault’s Pendulum is usually recommended for Dan Brown fans who want something better.

I picked up a witch dress from Torrid and I’m too lazy to find another outfit 😅 I need to get a hat for it. Mostly I obsess with my makeup - I did a complicated green eyes shadow last year, I’m thinking I might go with glittery purple this year.

estrogen can accomplish a surprising number of those things on your list 😅

If I could choose I am not sure I would have a body? Maybe I don’t really know what it would be like to be fully disembodied so it’s easier for me to say that - but since I was a teenager I had persistent desires to be burdened with a body at all (looking back it’s probably from gender dysphoria).

At the time I figured the best would be for my brain to be kept in a vat or something, and my consciousness could interface with other people through computers. (It’s not a coincidence this is how I feel on the internet - a disembodied consciousness interacting with others with computers. I have long preferred the internet to “reality”.)

That said, since I’ve transitioned I’ve become more skeptical I actually feel this way - but I really don’t have any strong, clear awareness of what I wish I looked like in a positive fashion, mostly I just know that I don’t like how I look now.

I use uBlock Origin and add reddit to the filter list. I also have blocked reddit using my /etc/hosts file.

I have also setup redirector plugins that can be used to redirect when I go to a particularly toxic subreddit, e.g. redirecting something like /r/terf_trans_alliance to /r/sewing or whatever community you enjoy that is more wholesome (that’s just one of mine - I also love /r/OUTFITS).

Also, if you’re in the US you should probably be using a VPN no matter what, and in that case Reddit will (usually) block you, easy!

Mostly it’s just psychology, though - why do you go to read that place to hurt yourself? Are there healthier ways to hurt yourself?

Even better would be to find ways to work on the underlying reasons that motivate you to hurt yourself, in the long term that’s where the focus should be, I would imagine. Maybe something to see a therapist about?

I understand that, it’s really scary right now. To be honest it has been so bad that I have mostly had take a tact of ignorance - I have stopped listening to and reading the news as a coping mechanism.

It helps for me to stay practical - focus on what I can do, what I need to be doing, and to recognize when anxiety is helpful and when it is not.

That said, it’s not like I’m in control of my thoughts or emotions, so it’s more like trying to find the best ways to hold onto a raft as waves crash over me.

I’ve lost my house, where I have lived and gardened and invested so much. I’ve left all my family and friends behind. So much has happened to me, I am at a baseline level of constant detachment.

I don’t know that this is even relevant or helpful to you, or even whether something like detachment is entirely healthy.

I hope you get the care you need, and that you find a community of people that make you feel loved and supported. You deserve that.

Everytime I’ve asked a lady friend who they see or recommend, I’m looked at like I’m invading their privacy. I have honestly, no close lady friends, and I stopped asking about stuff like this because it seems to make people uncomfortable.

that’s so heartbreaking, I’m sorry :-(

It’s hard to make and keep friends. To be honest, half the time I only keep friendships out of principle, there are practical benefits to having a social network.

Sometimes I worry my bidet is making things worse too. I’ve been cleaning the water spout more often just because I’m worried.

I guess you could always use a peri bottle with something like a vinegar solution in it 🤔

Im afraid to try anything over the counter. But this information is good to have when things get worse and care less attainable.

It’s less likely over the counter solutions will work the longer it goes untreated, and something like an occasional probiotic suppository can just be part of maintenance. They are probably not going to hurt anything, and it’s not even clear they would effectively treat BV. It’s just theoretically something that might help.

That said, I completely understand not wanting to do anything, especially not before a doctor has a look.

I had a male coworker ® tell me that planned parenthood was “outdated anyway”.

I don’t even understand this, what is outdated about Planned Parenthood? They’re basically the only medical provider in a lot of areas for women’s health …

I live in a historically blue state, I can’t imagine what it’s like for folks elsewhere.

it’s bad, I just fled from a red state to a blue state - it feels like I’ve moved to a different country.

what is bizarre is how little people actually seem to care about trans people specifically as a group - while they make a great scapegoat in terms of being a disempowered minority, they don’t whip up much political fervor or motivate action compared to, for example, immigrants (who are blamed for stealing jobs and economic prosperity).

In some ways it feels like trans folks are just an acceptable alternative target for people who really wish to air their grievances about gay folks more broadly, where the frustrations are with gay marriage being passed and the increased visibility and acceptance of gay people.

I’m so sorry - I can’t help but wonder if there are any support groups for women in your area, or just some good group of women, or friends you know, who might know a good doctor? Usually I just ask my girlfriends what doctors and therapists they recommend.

Either way healthcare in the U.S. is a nightmare and always has been, and it’s so much worse for women.

If you have BV the doctor is probably going to prescribe antibiotics, which should help.

In case you don’t already know, BV is usually a bacterial imbalance. Usually an adult woman’s vagina has a kind of bacteria that grows in it called Lactobacilli (like the stuff in yogurt), and those bacteria usually create an acidic environment that then prevent other bacteria from growing - it’s like a “monoculture” (think of a green lawn with only grass - when the grass is growing strong it can choke out other weeds).

So the idea with treating BV is usually to kill off the bad bacteria so Lactobacilli can regain dominance.

Until you have access to a doctor to get proper diagnosis and access to antibiotics, you might try safe and good quality vaginal probiotics.

Supposedly oral probiotics can help (I’m trying Soaking Wet, because it has Lactobacillus crispatus), but Good Clean Love sells a vaginal suppository that (despite having pseudo-science homeopathic ingredients that won’t help anything) have a lot of the bacteria you are wanting to grow in there.

They also sell a gel you can use that has lactic acid and might help acidify the vagina and thus promote the growth of Lactobacilli (and reduce other bacteria). They also have a lube you could use for sex that has lactic acid, for the same purpose.

From what I’ve read, douching usually doesn’t help and can make it worse, though douching with vinegar could theoretically help by acidifying the vagina.

You shouldn’t have to wait so long to get treatment, I’m so sorry. 🫂 I’m here to chat if you need someone.

“If I had to go to the toilet … I’d have the door open so they could check that I wasn’t just sitting down to pee. That I actually stood like a boy and urinated,” Jayne said.

“If I was playing solely with a group of girls, they’d make me then go and play with the boys.”

I don’t think most people realize how traumatizing experiences like this can be, to be institutionalized so you can be surveilled and regulated in how you pee, how you socialize, etc. - and as a child.

yes, I highly recommend an orchiectomy from a skillful surgeon, ideally someone that also performs vaginoplasties (so they are more likely to know how to preserve options for a future vaginoplasty if that becomes a possibility and desire later).

The temporary timeline was at most a year, since in the U.S. insurance requires a minimum of 1 year on supervised HRT before allowing any trans gender-affirming surgeries.

Anecdotally, I never found monotherapy as stable for my mood as having more normal estrogen levels post-op, but most of the stability just came from my body no longer occasionally producing testosterone levels I didn’t tolerate well. (High estrogen definitely made me more emotional, but in some ways I enjoyed how it felt - once my life calms down enough, I plan to incorporate occasionally more frequent or higher doses to simulate a monthly cycle.)

I’m so sorry 🫂🫂🫂

that grief is very real, I lost a dog as a teenager that still brings me to tears

probably going to go to an apple orchard this weekend!

Buttigieg would probably throw trans people under the bus to make a deal, but he seems against it generally … the problem with overly pragmatic politicians is you can’t tell how far they will sacrifice their values in the name of pragmatism. The extreme end of this is that don’t really have any values - and sometimes this is exactly how Buttigeg comes across (as overly eager to win, and willing to mold himself and do whatever it takes).

He has repeated transphobic talking points about trans exclusion in sports, which I take to mean he is trying to position himself as a moderate. (Which makes sense, in this same interview he mentions Sarah McBride is a major influence or someone he sees shared values with - she has also advocated for Democrats capitulating and endorsing transphobic policies in the name of political pragmatism and keeping a big tent.)

thanks, that link was helpful!

another case where it would be so easy to denounce transphobia, instead they lecture the outraged for trying to pressure mods to ban the transphobe 🤦‍♀️ not a good look, for sure - and even worse when the transphobe in question signals his support by posting a waffle picture with all caps “WAFFLE” and a “if you know, you know” … just, yikes