unrelated, but the angle of the light creates so much dimension to the writing, it looks like the pen was pressed deep into the paper and it’s so satisfying and distracting, omg

really resisting a resurrection joke rn

have you read transfem science’s An Introduction to Hormone Therapy for Transfeminine People? Particularly the section on progestogens might be helpful here, but the whole article is pretty amazing, tbh.

(EDIT: I should say, gender-affirming care is the number one way to alleviate dysphoria: hormone therapy, surgeries, hair removal, etc. should be prioritized and come first. My response assumes you are already on top of that.)

Some tips that have helped me:

• get your eyebrows waxed initially by a professional, then use tweezers and pluck hairs every day to maintain - this can make a huge difference
• if you wear glasses, choose women’s glasses next time you get a new prescription
• learn makeup and do it even if you aren’t leaving the house, it can really help what you see in the mirror (I actually went to Sephora and paid for a class, this was really helpful - I was clueless, and they helped me color match and find products that actually work on me - expensive, but helpful)
• wash and style hair, take good care of it (learn how to take care of your hair - this was a whole thing for me, I have curly hair and learning the Curly Girl Method was life-changing)
• put on a cute outfit, again - even if you’re not going anywhere, it feels nice to wear affirming clothes, so do it for yourself (plenty of trans women will wear a bra & panties even at home, when sleeping, or other times others might not normally wear them); also, learn how to dress well for your body shape (most of us are strawberry or apple), how to accentuate and emphasize the right parts (breasts, hips, butt) and diminish or hide the undesirable parts (broad shoulders, belly, flat chest, etc.)
• get nails and toes done (gel lasts the longest in my experience), this has acted for me as a daily visual reminder of my femininity
• for vocal dysphoria: hold the line, spend some time warming up and practicing the voice and then try hard to not let it fall back the rest of the day
• maintain a daily skin routine: figure out your skin’s tendencies, and at least get a good cleanser and moisturizer (might start with a Cerave cleanser and Cerave in the tub for moisturizing face before bed), and at bare minimum cleanse and moisturize your face before bed, and change your pillowcase once a week to help avoid bacterial breakouts; bonus points for using a good ceramide lotion on arms and legs, etc. (esp. where you get dry: knees, elbows, hands, and feet); also, start wearing sunscreen every day, esp. on your face, find a good cosmetic sunscreen you like (usually the good ones are from South Korea or Japan, e.g. I really liked Canmake’s Mermaid Skin Gel, though they changed their formula)
• prioritize hygiene, shower once a day and brush your teeth (some people rot, you will feel better if you look and smell nice - pick products that make you feel feminine, I love my lavender scented deodorant, and you can get fun body washes with scents you like)
• go out, sometimes the way I felt best was when I forced myself to feminize fully to try to pass in social situations - I noticed on days when I left my house and actually moved through society as a woman were some of my happiest and least dysphoric days (even when very insecure), esp. when people referred to me as miss or ma’am. Early transition this can be harder when fewer people see you as a woman, but I still think it’s good advice then, too. At the very least it forces you to do makeup and hair, etc. which helps.
• when dysphoria mounts into a crisis of doubt or imposter syndrome that makes me start to want to detransition, I found it really helps to journal - sometimes it’s good just to recall memories that remind you of why you are trans, but in my worst moments I found it helpful to engage in cold analysis: looking at what it means to be cis vs trans, what evidence there would be if I were a cis man vs a trans woman, and then comparing those to my experiences. Usually after a few pages of this kind of “objective analysis”, I finally get the bigger picture and realize I really am trans.
• see a therapist to help talk through your feelings, medication can also help (though HRT is often enough for a lot of women)
• if you are on HRT, cycling your weight (i.e. slowly, over months, lose 1 - 2 lbs a week, and then intentionally slowly gain it back) can really help give you curves; if you’re skinny, eat - boobs are curves are fat; if overweight, gradually lose weight to lose the “dad bod” (fat distributed at the neck, shoulders, and belly), but occasionally give yourself a plateau where you put a little weight back on, esp. in the first 3 - 6 months of HRT.
• until you have significant hair removal, don’t skip on shaving - I often would get exhausted from all the shaving and skip out on the weekend and it always made my dysphoria worse, don’t underestimate the influence hair plays in your dysphoria like I did, shave!

Generally, dysphoria is not as bad for me when other things are going well, e.g. if I’m well hydrated, had a good night’s sleep, and I’m eating healthy my skin tends to look softer and more feminine and is more likely to look “nice” to me. My mental health is also usually better, I’m less likely to spiral from insecurities and poor self esteem, and so on.

So, follow the basic steps of being healthy as well:

• eat lots of diverse and healthy foods, including vegetables (avoid processed foods like frozen nuggets or pizza, prefer “whole” foods like baked sweet potatoes, beets, beans, rice, etc.); plenty of my mental health episodes are triggered by being dehydrated or hungry - keep on top of your needs!
• drink lots of water (drink a glass when you wake up, keep water near you all day and remember to actually drink water, drink lots of water with your meals - digestion dehydrates!!, and eat lots of water-rich foods like cucumbers, tomatoes, lettuce, etc.)
• practice good sleep hygiene: go to bed & wake up at the same times, keep a strict-ish schedule and make sure you give yourself ample sleep opportunity - be luxurious with your sleep and prioritize it over all else (esp. important when you start HRT, you might need more sleep as you undergo neurological changes - it really is a puberty!!)
• get regular aerobic activity, e.g. go for a 20 - 30 minute run a few times a week; stay as active as you can - get in walks after meals, even just walking for 10 minutes can really help the body and mind
• avoid stress and engage in stress reduction activities: take hot baths, meditate, give yourself breaks from work and enough time to come down in the evenings before bed, etc.

It’s less about being perfect and more about doing what you can.

Less conventional tips:

• blur your eyes a little or take off glasses if you have them when around the mirror, I find my brain-worms see a boy in the mirror the most when I have all the fine details, when the image is a little blurry, my mind is more likely to fill in the blanks and see the “girl gestalt” everyone else sees
• reduce exposure to mirrors, esp. in early transition when you look the least yourself (I promise it gets better the longer you’re on HRT); sometimes this just means don’t obsess, but sometimes this means taking whole days off from seeing yourself.
• spend time remembering your most euphoric and affirming moments, recall how you felt and stay with those feelings, close your eyes and replay those memories in your mind, affirm that you wish for yourself to feel this way in the future, explore what would make you feel good in the future, imagine and visualize a happy future for yourself - spend maybe 10 - 20 minutes doing this once a day. You might add affirming messages, whatever works for you.

See also:

• /u/FoxyUnicornX’s tips on passing (in my experience, aiming to “pass” as a woman overlapped almost entirely with what was gender affirming and dysphoria-alleviating - the toxicity of passing culture aside, some of these tips can be helpful for feminizing, the goal here is to pass with yourself)
• /u/Jordanlilbeeb’s 13 tips on passing
• anything by /u/Laura_Sandra, start with her /r/Trans_Resources wiki
• and of course, a more general resource is Gender Dysphoria Bible

previous /c/mtf posts similar to your question:

• What are your go to tips and tricks to cope with dysphoria
• How do you deal with acute dysphoria?

This comment was originally an answer for those posts.

I would also add that journaling has been helpful for me, esp. for helping when feeling acute imposter syndrome / fears that I’m not really trans or trans enough. It helped me to write down the reasoning and walk through the evidence on paper. Sometimes going back and reading my journal would be enough to remind me.

yep, that’s Medroxyprogesterone (MP), a synthetic progestin, which is not progesterone.

I recommend switching to micronized, bioidentical progesterone, which is safer (has fewer side effects and long term risks).

Taking MP is not the end of the world like some in the community think (there is a lot of fear about it because it increases risks of cancers, etc.), but it’s definitely not ideal and does carry risks. Plenty of people do experience side effects like mood problems and depression from taking it.

Also, while it’s not the same as having progesterone (the hormone you would have if you were a cis woman), it does have some anti-androgen effects which might be helpful for feminizing.

That’s interesting, the first 3 months was about the time it seemed to take for my body to start operating as estrogen-dominant, I saw the biggest changes in my anxiety around that point. (My depression was lifted earlier than that, but seemed to come back whenever other physiological signs of testosterone seemed to come back, it took a while for me to figure out how to suppress T sufficiently, and tbh I never fully figured it out, I didn’t have peace until my orchi).

I remember those feelings - they still happen to me sometimes, but as time continues it becomes less severe and less frequent. Mostly what helped me in acute & distressing moments was to sit down and analyze it by writing in my journal - walk through what the possibilities were, what reasons I had for taking HRT, etc.

What I realized was even if I’m not a woman, even if I’m doing it for the wrong reasons, the objective reality is that estrogen was really helping me, and testosterone seemed to really harm me.

It was also important to recognize the alternative to being a trans woman is that I’m a cis man who has somehow confused himself, and when you consider the question “are you a cis man” you have to ask yourself if you prefer to have a male body, prefer to be a man socially, etc. - it became clear to me I certainly wasn’t a cis man … what is left is that I’m either non-binary or a trans woman, and everything about being a woman sounded great to me - I wish I had been born a cis woman. When I journal it out that way and look at it objectively, it’s hard to deny if I were anyone else I would think they were a trans woman, so that’s probably right in my case, too.

I remember especially feeling immense doubts and fears right before my orchi, because it felt like a huge commitment I couldn’t possibly reverse. A therapist of mine once noted that I should recognize that either way is a commitment, if I don’t take HRT or get surgeries, then I close a door on the life I could have had if I did take HRT and got surgery. That helps - inaction is not a default, it is not safer or more reasonable - inaction is a choice with long term consequences just as taking actions like HRT or surgery have long term consequences. The question is which consequences you wish for, what life do you want?

“[The victim] reported the assault immediately, not once but twice.”

At the inquest, the coroner said Capt James Hook put pressure on [the victim] to drop the allegations, and only reported it to a higher command “when the cat was already out of the bag”.

The inquest heard a subsequent “miscommunication” through the chain of command meant details of of [the assailant’s] attempt to place his hand between [the victim’s] legs were lost.

Rather than being reported to the police the incident was recorded as “inappropriate behaviour unbecoming of a warrant officer”.

At the time, [the assailant] was given a “minor administrative action interview” with no further consequences.

But [the attorney representing the victim] added: “What an enormous difference it would have made if the Army and its chain of command had just listened to Jaysley when she first told them about the assault and reported it to the police, instead of trying to persuade her it wasn’t that serious.”

An inquest into [the victim’s] death earlier this year determined the Army’s handling of the complaint played “more than a minimal contributory part in her death”.

I have no words.

are you taking bioidentical, micronized progesterone? It sounds like you might be taking a synthetic progestin, which is different…

I have a link to a resource on the differences if I remember to come back, I’m AFK right now so I don’t have it, sorry

I was also curious about this, what differences were noticed? Based on interactions with trans girls IRL, I just assume most people are taking prog for breast growth, so when people talk about it working or not, I assume they mean it made their breasts larger or not. Of course it is pseudo-diagnostic reasoning, because breasts will continue to grow from estrogen alone and lots of trans women report major growth at 2 - 3 year mark and later on just estrogen, so it’s unclear what breast growth would have happened without the addition of prog.

Lots of trans women don’t think to include route of administration or dose when talking about HRT either, so that makes it even harder to tell from anecdotes that prog helped with breast growth what might be effective.

flower delivery services totally exist btw, I’ve bought flowers for people in other states more than once 😅

I guess there’s no reason to think the natural variation would be greater for one category or another. My only guess is that some people might identify as NB for political reasons that don’t tie back to biology, but it’s not clear, and if my memory is not wrong, among younger generations the number of people identifying as non-binary exceed the number of trans identifying people.

EDIT: among Gen Z, the percent of people identifying as trans is around 1.9 - 2% which is consistent with long-term, cross-cultural estimates of trans demographics of being between 0.5 - 2% of the population, but 7% of Gen Z identified as “non-binary” in 2024 according to the Household Pulse Survey:

https://www.generationtechblog.com/p/the-surprising-number-of-young-adults

In 1931, Elbe returned for her fourth surgery, to transplant a uterus and construct a vaginal canal. This made her one of the earliest transgender women to undergo a vaginoplasty surgery, a few weeks after Erwin Gohrbandt performed the experimental procedure on Dora Richter.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lili_Elbe

by a matter of a few weeks, and by the same surgeon

Elbe had an orchiectomy performed by Erwin Gohrbandt in 1930, it was the first of these surgeries she had.

despite historical over-reporting of trans women compared to trans men, by the numbers there are roughly the same number of trans men as trans women. Trans women are just given more attention by the media and society, and can be more represented in online and IRL trans groups for various reasons.

https://williamsinstitute.law.ucla.edu/publications/trans-adults-united-states/

Of the 2.1 million adults who identify as transgender, 32.7% (698,500) are transgender women, 34.2% (730,500) are transgender men, and 33.1% (707,100) are transgender nonbinary adults.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7906237/

Studies have consistently reported a greater prevalence of MTF than FTM.12 A recent meta-review found a ratio of ∼2:1.1 We had previously noted an increase over the past two decades in the percentage of FTM initiating sex hormone therapy compared with MTF.4 We have now reached the point wherein we are seeing at least as many FTM initiating sex hormone therapy as MTF.

because when my E is higher, I don’t sleep as easily and prog helps counter that effect; when E is low I don’t need it for sleep, allowing me to stockpile the extra.

To a lesser extent, I like the idea of cycling because cis bodies tend to have fluctuating levels as well, and that may or may not help keep my body sensitive to prog, by keeping from homeostasis happening in whatever ways that may or may not happen, such as number of receptors adjusting to a regular level of the hormones if you don’t cycle.

It’s just speculation that this helps, and the stockpiling so I have a reserve in case of supply chain problems is a more straightforward reason for me.

OwO what’s this? 🐘🔫

you really are so lovely 😭 I was telling my partner about how incredibly nice and thoughtful you are, we are all so lucky you are here 🫶

my therapist once said I was her most challenging patient 😝 (even better, a manager once told me I was his most challenging employee)

but honestly I can’t even remember many compliments - I think I must dissociate or actively suppress when people compliment me, I don’t handle it well.

I do remember a teacher once said, “I wish we could clone you.” She wished more of her students were like me. (I had an unhealthy habit of treating my studies as a form of escapism, and I was otherwise quiet, polite, and a rule-follower.)

There was a manager who gave me a little lapel pin of a gold star; she didn’t do that kind of thing for other employees. She also would call me when she was drunk and out fishing, so who knows what all was going on there. 😉

how long on HRT before you noticed your hair thinned or lightened in color?

I’m so jealous, my legs still have thick, dark hairs even after nearly 2 years on HRT.

If you have dark hair and light skin, laser is a great option for hair reduction, and it can be a cost and pain effective way to reduce how much electrolysis you will require after. For this reason, it’s fairly typical for people who make good candidates for laser to do laser first, then follow-up with electrolysis.

I personally find electrolysis more painful and harder to tolerate for various reasons. With laser, a whole area is treated at once and the hair falls out in a cycle. It doesn’t take much time for the laser to zap you, and I can be in and out of a laser session in 20 - 30 minutes.

With electrolysis, you pay by hour and they go hair-by-hair, so it takes a very long time for a small area to be treated, and you have to come back regularly to try to clear an area. For example, you might have an hour of electrolysis once a week. Not only does this make it more expensive, it also means you have to withstand a much longer exposure to pain, where laser might be 10 - 20 minutes of pain once every 5 weeks, electrolysis means pain for an hour once a week.

So I endorse taking the laser-first approach. They’re both very painful in my experience, and I really struggled to cope with the pain (despite consistent feedback that I have a high pain tolerance by hospital staff and physical therapists over the years).

Even after 20+ laser sessions I still have facial hair, though now the hair is sparse enough I can shave with one of those portable electric face shavers marketed to women. I continue to need laser sessions, I actually need to schedule one because I’ve missed some treatments.

At some point I will finally switch to electrolysis, once the laser techs think they can’t do anything more for me.