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Where’s Dr. House?
Right? This is an invalid graph without Dr. House.
I hope OP doesn’t have lupus
It’s never lupus
When you hear hoofbeats, think lupus, not zebras.
Except that time it was lupus
Just figure House and McCoy occupy the same spot
Somewhere between top-right and top-middle depending on how revoked his license is at the given moment and how much vicodin he is on.
Top right, about 20 feet outside the graph.
Calm down Cuddy.
Came here for this haha
And Doc Cottle
I cannot believe he survived the whole series, seems like someone who should have died near the end of s3 just to add to the atmosphere of desperation.
He was kept alive by his steady diet of 200 cigarettes per day.
HOW DID HE EVEN GET CIGARETTES!!!
They are starving and eating paper but somehow they kept tobacco plants and all the mechanisms for drying and curing them, which would have taken enough resources to keep hundreds of people alive!?!?!
A guy like Cottle buys cigarettes for a decade in advance.
Hell, even Col. Tigh was smoking rollies by the end of the series. Cottle was set for life.
I always used to joke that one of the ships in the fleet was a cargo ship full of cigarettes.
No Dr. House?
And Oz should be right on top of the Run For Your Life because he’s not fictional and should know better.
Doctor House would be top right but partly because you wouldn’t need to run very far.
That depends on what drugs he’s on
Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil have done far more harm than Dr. Pepper could ever aspire to.
I would trust Hannibal Lector more than Oz, frankly.
At least Lecter is honest about who he is!
House is basically overlapping McCoy
Astoundly, McCoy has a better bedside manner.
I don’t think McCoy is ever depicted as particularly brilliant. He’s just a competent doctor from a time with more advanced technology.
I don’t know, he came up with novel cures for things multiple times on planets never before visited. He did it in Miri despite the virus being completely novel.
6 years of evil medical school doesn’t qualify as professional credentials? Also I’d put Dr. Phil below most of these guys, although maybe slightly above Hannibal Lector still.
I trust Doctor Pepper more than Phil.
Yeah Phil goes down and to the left. I’d say oz goes down a little bit too, but I’m glad the maker of this meme still put those guys in the right section.
Only just though
To be fair he said he didnt go to evil med school to be called mr evil. Keys eords being didnt go to med school
Dr. Evil didn’t spend 6 years in evil fricking medical school to be put in no professional training
Just goes to show, it’s a hard knock life
How in the heckin’ is JD below a dwarf, a mad scientist tinkerer, and a random catchy band?
He is a caring, trained, and competent doctor who will put his pride and personal life aside to help a patient.
At some points he’s arguably the best diagnostician at Sacred Heard.
He arrived late to thank his trashmen, ended up letting a patient die.
He wasn’t to blame, though he easily could’ve been. That was death was the radiologist’s fault though, IIRC.
But he did put a penny in the door.
But not intentionally
That’s always the excuse, isn’t it?
Dr. Who and Dr. Strange both have a shitload of training…
Oh yeah, Dr. Strange was literally one of the world’s best surgeons, right?
Yup, and Time Lords in general probably had several medical degrees worth of education.
The Doctor barely squeaked through his Time Lord training (I think the quote was “53% on his second try.”)
They still passed the academy, though. That’s probably incredibly good by human standards, given that Time Lord studies encompasses literally everything.
How are Oz and Phil so high on this spectrum?
They haven’t eaten human liver or tried pan frying a piece of someone’s brain … but they’re still a couple of idiots that shouldn’t be trusted for medical advice
They may not be cannibals, but I wouldn’t put it past them to have devoured a number of souls…
For reference on the no training side:
Dr. Dre and Dr. Venture: Both possess honorary doctorates. The former from UCLA, the latter from a Tijuana community college.
Dr. Pepper: Charles T. Pepper did have a medical doctorate. He is cited as a possible source of the name.
Dr. Evil: Evil medical school.
Zoidberg: Claims he lost it in a volcano, more likely a art history degree.
Dr. Horrible: Likely physics though he claims Horribleness (though it could be a catchphrase.)
Dr. Seuss: Intended to get a Doctorate of Philosophy, got an honorary doctorate of Humane Letters.
The Doctor: Per This - While pretending to be the Doctor in an effort to save herself from an army of Cybermen, one of the planet’s deadliest enemies, in Death in Heaven, Clara said: ‘I don’t even really have a doctorate. Well Glasgow University, but then I accidentally graduated in the wrong century.’
Doc: Does become a doctor at Storybrooke hospital in a live action show, “Once Upon a Time”, apparently not a surgeon though.
Spin Doctors: No doctors.I feel like a fair amount of those on the trained side aren’t medical doctors (Phil, Ock, Robotnik, Lector, Honeydew) or at the very least, aren’t folks you’d want around for your heart attack.
Dr Strange being a professional surgeon and barely making it past the neutral mark on the qualification axis seems, well, a bit strange
I’d put Strange ahead of McCoy. What is McCoy going to do without his Tricorder? He’d rant,
“They used to hand-cut and sew people like garments. Needles and sutures.”
I agree he should be a little farther right, but his origin story is all about how his injury specifically prevented him from doing surgery anymore. Plus some iterations of him with the time stone might not have thought about medicine in hundreds of years. His magic also seems to not be healing focused. So I kinda get why he is under qualified comparatively
Dr. Pepper: Charles T. Pepper did have a medical doctorate. He is cited as a possible source of the name.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charles_T._Pepper#/media/File:Dr_Pepper_trade_mark_1910.jpg
“Dr Pepper the King of beverages”
jeez, way to gild the lilly. Pick one , either Doctor or King, there’s no need to be an audacious Dr King.
“It’s the MLK Jr. of beverages!”
(FBI agents hate it.)
Dr. Zoidberg also has mail order degrees in murderology and murderonomy
Where tf is dr house
This vexes me.
Seriously…him and Dr. Strange alone would all but garuentee your safety.
It’s also inexplicably missing the coolest one (Dr Victor von Doom)
Off the top right.
Isn’t/wasn’t Dr. Strange a surgeon?
yes, but his hands broke in an accident. Not sure how good he is with his hands on medical equipment/psychically controlling medical tools
The meme references training, not physical ability. Strange should arguably be overlaid on Bones.
I thought he willed himself back to full dexterity, but I also didn’t really pay attention to the movie, to be fair.
He learned to magic because he thought it would let him fix his hands. Instead he learned the guy who he thought fixed his legs with magic just uses magic to control his non-functional legs.
So he probably could do surgery but he’d probably magically control the needle instead of holding it or something. Maybe.
Some unsolicited comments on this:
- I would absolutely trade Dr. Bunsen Honeydew with Dr. Mario.
- The Dr. Pepper position is just pure slander.
- Dr. Horrible and Doogie Howser, MD is the true duality of humanity.
- Zoidberg is suspiciously much higher along the Y-axis than I would personally prefer.
- Dr. Dre, like I would forget, is absolutely a quadrant II candidate. There’s just no way I’d put Spin Doctors high along the Y-axis than Dre.
Dr. Strange is a fully trained surgeon. He should be farther to the right!
Not just fully trained, but at the top of his field and possessing an MD and a PhD! He should be at the far right edge!
But he also refused a lot of patients because he really only wanted “sure things” and not something that might damage his reputation.
But that should be the Y axis. In terms of formal training he has the most.
Also… I think he brought some mother fuckers back from the dead. And he helped reverse the snap.
That sounds like he’s probably got a solid defense against any complaints made to the state board.
I’m glad you didn’t forget about Dre… or Double-Doctor E as we call him in the hospital.
There is no way Dr. Mario has any training. He just throws random pills at the problems hoping that they line up and do something other than cause an overdose.
Bruh… that’s literally what doctoring is now. Got the hurt? Pain pills. Got the sad? SSRIs. Got two, three, four sets of titties? Ozempic!
Dr Phil is also no longer legally a doctor.
Why is Doctor Strange to the left of JD from Scrubs? Isn’t he a world renown surgeon or something? Does that count for less because he hasn’t had medical practice lately?
Not to mention less formal training than Dr. Quinn? At least he’s studied modern medicine and has specialty years after surgery residency.
I’ll be honest, I don’t recognize that character. What are they from?
From the show Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Quinn,_Medicine_Woman ran 1993-1998.
If I had to guess it’s because JD is more of a general physician. Strange was a neurosurgeon before the accident that crippled his hands and led him to study the Mystic Arts. So not only can he not perform surgery anymore without magic but if he was working on you, then you were pretty much in life or death territory anyway.
Dr. Strange had his injury in 1963, he probably went through medical school in the 1950’s and has been studying magic, not medicine ever since. His techniques and knowledge are extremely out of date.
Probably the same reason Zoidberg is considered to be on the same level of medical competence as Dr. Dre (Zoidberg literally doesn’t know human anatomy), and a higher one than Dr. Pepper (Which is genuinely responsible for less death than Zoidberg is), and Dr. Evil (Went to Evil Medical School)
And even then all of these people are probably better doctors than Doc, the dwarf who lived back in the days when washing your hands was considered a “Rookie mistake no self-respecting gentleman in the medical profession would ever make”
And the Medical Profession consisted of people wearing scary crow masks who just spread disease around and kill people, fully believing that disease was caused by not saying “Bless you” when someone sneezes
Doctor Evil didn’t go to Evil Medical School for six years to be put in the section with no training, thank you very much!
Dr. Zoidberg is a fully-qualified medical doctor, though, and a good one at that. Just not for humans. Even so, he’s quite good, given that he hasn’t killed any of his human patients, though they may come out a little different.
As is Doctor Who, who has high qualifications in literally everything. It took them a few goes, but they got there in the end.
“I’ve probably lost more patients than he’s ever treated.”
Didn’t Zoidberg once successfully attach Fry’s head to Amy’s body (or something like that)? Not sure any of the others on that chart have done something that impressive.
That said, how much do you trust your life with Dr. Who? I’ve seen many characters die while trusting him, and that’s just the ones on screen.
I’m not saying he is a bad doctor, but he was caught on film losing several sidekicks/ allies. If you’re caught on film doing something, you probably do it a lot.
“If you get caught doing crack on the news, you are a crackhead. It’s not like a “oh this was just the one time” situation. You do it enough you get caught on the news doing it.” -Josh Johnson
Edit: just looked for an answer of what the mortality rate is for the Doctor and it’s 42% according to a reddit question. At some point the authorities would be called in because 42% is more than just a “licence revoked” number.
