Let’s assume that you recently cracked your egg. You then had a period of intense focus on this realization. You came out to friends, you explored things typically associated with your newfound gender identity (such as clothes), and you reveled in how this made you feel. You were confident that you want to transition.
Cut forward a few weeks. The novelty has worn off and getting access to medical care is so slow. Also you’re not out everywhere yet (e.g. work), so you still get addressed with your old pronouns and name constantly. Thinking or talking about yourself trips you up all the time, because you keep misgendering yourself. Your chosen pronouns and name still feel nice but also like a reminder of who you aren’t “yet”. You feel tired.
You start to ask yourself if you’re really trans or if it was just the novelty of it all. If all of this is worth it. But at the same time you’d still press a magic button that gives you the body you dream of in a heartbeat.
How would you deal with this?
I would deal with this, and did, the only way that you really can: take it one day at a time, have deep reserves of both patience and grace, for yourself AND others, and remind yourself that transition is a marathon, not a sprint.
Puberty sucks real bad, even when it’s the correct puberty, and there’s a whole lot of “everything at whatever pace it goes at” to the experience that can feel depressingly, agonizingly slow.
You’ll get there. Take a deep breath and, rather than focusing on all the things you need to get to and need to get started and need to navigate your way through, allow yourself a moment to celebrate the few small victories you already accomplished! Those are the building blocks that can get you to your “magic button-adjacent” future.
Tbh waiting for hormones is very hard and I felt very stuck too well I was waiting. For me spending time with people who affirmed who I am was crucial to getting through it. I came out as many places as possible and even with some coworkers who I trusted. But I was also fine if eventually people came to know that at my workplace cause I was safe to come out there. You gotta work on other things in the mean time, idle time is overthinking time at least for me. So I tried to spend my time focused on my mental health and hobbies. I’d be lying if I say it went perfect though, and I’m not sure there’s any way to get through waiting easily.
Its also worth deconstructing your imposter syndrome, read up on dysphoria and validate your own gender. Do things that make you feel euphoric, and distance yourself from people and things who don’t.
I’m still over 3 months out from my HRT appointment that I made two months ago, so I know the feeling. Here are some things you can do that might help:
- Continue trying new clothes, but also accessories, and things like new hair styles, nails, jewelry. (as long as it is safe for you to do so and you can afford it.)
- Try to find a hobby that you enjoy that helps you take your mind off of dysphoria, or one that helps you feel feminine.
- Think about who you might come out to next and what steps you want to take as part of your transition. If you misgender yourself on accident, just correct yourself and move on, you will get used to your new pronouns eventually.
For me at least, transitioning – particularly in the first few months – was intensely social. I’m really fortunate to live in a very trans- and queer-friendly city, and there’s something going on every day of the week – at least for queer people, usually something specific for trans people, too.
For me this helped a lot in dealing with frustration and dysphoria, because you meet lots of other trans people who are in the same boat. These people are going to listen to you, validate you, and afterward, and generally make you feel better and happier. So I would basically kinda push myself (without taking it too far, sometimes chillaxing in front of the tv is great) to go out especially when I felt down; I treated it almost as a kind of therapy. For me at least this really helped :)
I have been there and lemme just say it gets a lot better when everyone gets to know you as your real self. It helps affirm that youre real and as people see you as a girl in passing that helps a lot too. Medical care is slow af as well as the effects so you may as well get used to waiting! I just hope for any trans person to make it to a comfortable place. It took me a long time but with support i feel better and more honest with myself than ever and its really about you being yourself first and then letting those deemed worthy in (as opposed to coming out- you ultimately have agency of your life and identity).
