Let’s assume that you recently cracked your egg. You then had a period of intense focus on this realization. You came out to friends, you explored things typically associated with your newfound gender identity (such as clothes), and you reveled in how this made you feel. You were confident that you want to transition.
Cut forward a few weeks. The novelty has worn off and getting access to medical care is so slow. Also you’re not out everywhere yet (e.g. work), so you still get addressed with your old pronouns and name constantly. Thinking or talking about yourself trips you up all the time, because you keep misgendering yourself. Your chosen pronouns and name still feel nice but also like a reminder of who you aren’t “yet”. You feel tired.
You start to ask yourself if you’re really trans or if it was just the novelty of it all. If all of this is worth it. But at the same time you’d still press a magic button that gives you the body you dream of in a heartbeat.
How would you deal with this?
I have been there and lemme just say it gets a lot better when everyone gets to know you as your real self. It helps affirm that youre real and as people see you as a girl in passing that helps a lot too. Medical care is slow af as well as the effects so you may as well get used to waiting! I just hope for any trans person to make it to a comfortable place. It took me a long time but with support i feel better and more honest with myself than ever and its really about you being yourself first and then letting those deemed worthy in (as opposed to coming out- you ultimately have agency of your life and identity).