• girltwink@lemmy.worldEnglish
    149·
    1 year ago

    It’s crazy how much height subconsciously influences our opinions of each other. I’m tall enough that most men don’t look down at me, and I’m widely respected professionally. Men listen when i talk in meetings, and it’s very easy to sell my ideas to people. My shorter coworkers who are more talented than i am struggle to gain respect.

    My ex is 5’2" and i have very strong feelings of cute aggression towards her, and have to consciously remind myself to consider her opinions sometimes. It doesn’t help that she acted like a child a lot during our relationship 😒

    • The Picard Maneuver@startrek.websiteOPEnglish
      80·
      1 year ago

      There have been studies showing that bosses tend to be larger (both height and weight) than average, with the trend increasing as you go up the ladder.

      US Presidents are typically tall too.

        • lightnsfw@reddthat.comEnglish
          16·
          1 year ago

          I’m short and have a pretty high voice (been told I sound lile a child on more than one occasion). Every job I’ve had to work so much harder than everyone else to get ahead. Fortunately for me the field I’m in performance is based off of metrics that I excel at so I pretty much out perform everyone else by default and that has gotten me noticed and keeps me high on the list when promotions or raises come up. I still get talked over in meetings all the time if I don’t have a more authoritative person to back me up when I have something to say though.

        • The Picard Maneuver@startrek.websiteOPEnglish
          6·
          1 year ago

          Looks like they’re below average (both 5’7"). Then again, I guess they started their own companies in their garages, so there wasn’t an opportunity for selection bias when hiring them.

    • EatYouWell@lemmy.worldEnglish
      35·
      1 year ago

      Yeah, it does suck. I get the same benefits as you, and my wife of the same height gets ignored to the point where I have to go to Dr’s appointments with her so they actually listen to her.

      I also have to keep a close check on being upset about anything, because I’m intimidating just by existing, let alone upset.

      • Yamayo@lemm.eeEnglish
        4·
        1 year ago

        I have to go to Dr’s appointments with her so they actually listen to her

        🤔

        • girltwink@lemmy.worldEnglish
          23·
          1 year ago

          I had to do this with my ex too 😅 we’re both women but men listen to me. My ex is a combat veteran with ptsd, and it can make her seem unstable, even though she’s incredibly sharp and there’s no one I’d rather have with me in an emergency.

    • Nahdahar@lemmy.worldEnglish
      5·
      1 year ago

      Honestly from my observation at work I think it’s more the fact that shorter guys are more insecure or intimidated by taller guys and have less confidence, which affects how they present themselves.

    • TheFrogThatFlies@lemmy.worldEnglish
      2·
      1 year ago

      We’re still focusing the gender, race, and religion. Next we’ll be able to look at height and appearance. We’ll get there.

  • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
    53·
    1 year ago

    Tall asshole. But what I want to know (as a taller woman) is why do tall guys go for tiny ladies? I am NOT judging, I like guys around my height and they like me, and I’m tallish because of my mom and dad’s height difference. You like what you like. Is it nature trying to breed us back to average height or something?

    • FauxPseudo @lemmy.worldEnglish
      73·
      1 year ago

      Guys aren’t that picky about size. We are picky about picking women that will pick us back. Size is very low on the priority list. I’m 6’2". Only one girlfriend was taller than 5’4". They all chose me.

    • tias@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
      58·
      1 year ago

      Women are the ones who put height requirements on their Tinder profiles, not men. I’ve never come across a single profile where the woman is looking for someone shorter. So your question seems very alien to me.

      Case in point: my girlfriend says she would not have started dating me if I was shorter than her. As a guy I am conditioned to avoid such superficial thinking because it leads to toxic behavior. Imagine if I would tell her that I wouldn’t date her if her boobs were a different size.

    • ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.worldEnglish
      23·
      1 year ago

      There is the theory that sexual attraction is towards characteristics that are on the opposite side of the normal curve from yourself, specifically so that your kids are nearer the average of your species and thus more fit for their environment. I’m tall and had a huge underbite (until it was corrected surgically) and I go for tiny women with overbites. Also, smart women with money and style.

    • Subverb@lemmy.worldEnglish
      22·
      1 year ago

      I’m 6’3" and my wife is 5’4", she’s told me many times that my height is super important to her and that she wouldn’t have dated me if I were shorter than at least 6’.

      Why do most (in my experience) women insist on tall men?

      • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        I don’t know, maybe like someone farther down commented, they want tall kids? So I don’t care because I am taller so my kids were all reasonably tall though my ex wasn’t? But if I was short I’d be pulled toward wanting tall guys to make taller kids?

        I’m about 5’9" and honestly the only guys who have been into me (and I’m older now so this is a reasonable sample, lol) are guys 5’8" to 5’11", and what is funny is most didn’t like me to wear heels because that made me taller than them when standing. Tall good, taller bad.

        So I was seeing this as a man-driven phenomenon/choice, my universe of potential partners hasn’t ever seemed to include the really tall guys but it’s possible I have been screening them out - I don’t think so, though.

        • pedalmore@lemmy.worldEnglish
          4·
          1 year ago

          I think it’s just statistics. I’m a 6’4" dude, which is 99th percentile. A 5’9" woman is also pretty close to the top few percentile (I’m too lazy to look it up). There just aren’t that many of us, so it’s much more likely that they’ll end up with average size partners. I’m just guessing, I can’t see what’s actually going on down there.

      • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        1 year ago

        Most short women? I see most women of my height with average height guys. Which makes some sense, there are more guys between 5’8" and 5’11" than any other height here. Went to a concert just last night and noticed it again. Yes almost all women were with guys as tall or taller than themselves, but most often as the men got taller the women they were with got shorter.

        I wholeheartedly agree that most women of any height look for guys at least the same height not shorter than they are.

        And this whole conversation has made me think about my own preference. Maybe since I am used to looking men in the eye, I was subconsciously uneasy feeling short? That is not something I’d considered before. Only had thought I didn’t care as long as not perceptibly shorter than me.

        • Donkter@lemmy.worldEnglish
          2·
          1 year ago

          Two things: first, there’s probably a few biases at play between conformation bias and the fact that the taller a guy gets a similar sized woman would look shorter and shorter and vice -versa.

          Also you say (apparently) the taller a guy gets the shorter the women are; so why do taller men prefer shorter and shorter women and not: why do shorter women like taller and taller guys?

    • Makeitstop@lemmy.worldEnglish
      21·
      1 year ago

      I don’t understand people who are only interested in a very specific type. As long as a woman is generally attractive to me,1 I can be interested regardless of her height. Sexy little hobbit or death by snu snu, it’s all good. Same goes for skin color, hair color, and most healthy body types.

      1 Obviously, finding them attractive in the first place is kind of the point. But I think we can also understand the difference between “would be attractive if not for [insert turn off here]” and “is not at all attractive.”

      • duffman@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        1 year ago

        A short girl once told me she needed to marry a tall guy so their kids wouldn’t be short.

        To balance it out essentially.

      • ParsnipWitch@feddit.deEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        In my experience tall women have less confidence. Seems counter intuitive but that’s what I have witnessed as a short woman who is into women (of all sizes).

        Short women are seen as cute and attractive. I think it’s a myth that men do not have a height preference. Most prefer a woman who is shorter than them and they often give more attention to small women.

        Many tall women have serious self-esteem issues and that could be a reason why they hit on you less. Sadly there isn’t much research into it. Most research in preferences is focused on what women find attractive in men.

    • doggle@lemmy.dbzer0.comEnglish
      12·
      1 year ago

      Afaik not many guys go out of their way for really short girls. Tall guys rarely meet a woman as tall as them.

      If you’re a tall guy nearly all ladies are tiny to you. Whether or not they’re a bit shorter than average is kinda immaterial.

      • RBWells@lemmy.worldEnglish
        7·
        1 year ago

        I don’t mean shorter, I mean short. I’m shorter than any tall guy, but usually see guys I’d consider quite tall (6’4" and up) with women under 5’4" and it always struck me as odd. I do understand it would be too hard to find a woman over 6’ in the US, there aren’t enough. I mean I don’t see the six and a half foot guys with the 5’9"- 5’10" ladies. So I figured it was a preference.

    • Mobiuthuselah@lemm.eeEnglish
      5·
      1 year ago

      There’s no one answer to your question, but from an ecological standpoint, sexual selection plays the main role in this. There are a lot of variables and the societal pressures are integral. The people you live around, and the multigenerational influences that shape your community steer this selection. But that’s not to say that nature is intentional.

      As an example, the people who came to Hawai’i had a tendency towards very large men and very small women. Because of the isolation in the islander cultures and the relatively small population sizes, this could exaggerate selective pressures. I think it’s important to point out for whoever needs to hear it that being small statured should not be confused with subservience, absolutely.

      This is one example in a whole world of variables that agree with your observation, but there are many cultures where that sexual selection is completely different. The ideas of who does what in a relationship in order to build a life with another person is influenced by the agreements we’ve been taught in our communities and carried on in a way that expresses itself genetically over time. Like you said, people like what they like, and as such, the idea of beauty (or desirability as a mate, more accurately) continues to change and is not the same in other places. Ultimately, those that reproduce will give rise to certain selections, but the reasons are so varied that it can’t be apparent until looking at long spans of time and generalized pressures.

      All that to say, nature is not choosing or steering anything. Natural selection is backward-looking. It is an adaptation to pressures that existed, not an ideal or purpose for the future. It’s accidental, and stumbling, and pure chance in a lot of instances.

    • CaptainMcMonkey@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      1 year ago

      I’m pretty tall (5’17”) and I would totally date a tall woman, but chasing someone with one specific physical characteristic has always felt weirdly fetishistic to me. But now that I think about it, is me pursuing smart/funny people any different?

      Anywho, I tend to get chased by tiny gerbil people, and I’ve been told my height did matter to them; and the person I’m with is almost 5’3”.

    • Knusper@feddit.deEnglish
      49·
      1 year ago

      “Your argument is invalid, because you look like this from up here.”

      I guess, he needed to show off that his mental grandeur does not match his physique…

    • jimbo@lemmy.worldEnglish
      9·
      1 year ago

      Depending on the people and the argument, it could be funny and dispel said argument.

      • Kalothar@lemmy.caEnglish
        2·
        1 year ago

        I could totally picture that “ like I know we are arguing, but have to see this from my angle”

        Snaps photo and they both start laughing

        Everyone claps

  • magnetosphere@kbin.social
    20·
    1 year ago

    What an asshole. I’m so glad he’s someone she used to date, rather than is dating.

    Look at her face. From my worst moments in the past, I can understand getting carried away and snapping the pic in the heat of the moment. Still, though, how the hell can you look at that pain and sadness, and then send the pic to her without realizing how badly you’ve hurt someone you care about? That was a priceless moment for him to STOP HIMSELF before making things worse, and he just bulldozed right past it. Fuck that guy.

    • chunkystyles@sopuli.xyzEnglish
      52·
      1 year ago

      Wow, you’re so talented to be able to perfectly understand the relationship dynamics and personalities of two complete strangers based on one photo of one of them.

        • ChunkMcHorkle@lemmy.worldEnglish
          20·
          1 year ago

          I’m taking her story way too personally to be anything close to neutral. I thought that was clear, but okay.

          Your reaction was my first reaction as well, but slightly different because to me it was as though the pic was taken by an abusive adult about to swing down on a young child.

          That’s not in the pic either, but I take my baggage with me wherever I go, lol.

          No harm done either way. In my opinion what we’re seeing in pictures like these is exactly what we need to see in order to heal ourselves, little reminders of work yet to be done and memories still in need of attention. And you’re already self-aware enough to know that you’re not approaching it neutrally, so you’ve already started the work. You’re golden.

          So I’m saying I’m glad you posted, because even though you managed to provoke some downvotes, there is a cosmic fuckton of unaddressed domestic violence and abuse that colors our society and permeates every little corner of daily living that we would all do well to address. This pic is triggering as fuck for people who have had to live under that, whether it be physical abuse, or the unseen but worse emotional/intellectual abuse that this woman say motivated her ex to take and send this picture. It’s all one and the same.

          Thus it’s not what’s wrong in you that reacted to this pic the way you did, it’s what’s already RIGHT in you that so forcefully showed you what was skewed in it. You have a conscience and a caring heart and a willingness to pipe up and say this isn’t right. We could all do with more of that. Well done, IMO.

    • callyral [he/they]@pawb.socialEnglish
      5·
      1 year ago

      i thought the picture was from somewhere else, since the pic looks more compressed than the text and there’s a thin black line between the text part of the post and the image

  • Rakonat@lemmy.worldEnglish
    11·
    1 year ago

    Can’t really talk to the disrespect but an ex was about 6 inches shorter than me, and she commented how she loved how much taller I was and having me around made her feel safe and protected, and while I hadn’t thought about it at first it was nice to be appreciated for our differences.

    Didn’t really have many fights and when we did argue it was usually sitting down on the couch so the height difference was moot (though in hindsight she would often hop up to her knees when trying to make a point so maybe subconsciously going for the height advantage?)

    I don’t actively seek out shorter girls but most women interested in me certainly seem to be shorter than myself by a few inches, only girl my height I dated was very short lived since we quickly found out we didn’t have compatible interests or personalities.

  • Chev@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    1 year ago

    12cm is the perfect difference for me after testing it many years. Tall enough to be more or less at the same height but short enough so she can cuddle perfectly into me.