Yeah, this can be a generational cultural difference.
I mourned the death of my grandfather three separate times when my mother texted me “please call”. Each time when I called back I learned something different:
- We had to change our lunch plans.
- There was an alarming local news article about driving conditions.
- My grandfather had died.
If these were all in the same day that’s quite the series of events
The last time my dad called was 16 years ago when my mum was bleeding out after surgery and we didn’t know if she was going to make it.
Other than that, it’s WhatsApp messages, and they’re usually about the dog.
I would 100% think someone had died if my dad called.
If not death, at least something horrible has happened. The last time my dad called me, it was to tell me he wasn’t actually me or my brothers biological dad, lmfao.
Imagine if he said that by message 💀
“Not your daddy, xoxo.”
This is something that idk if I’ll ever get used to about lemmy
It’s a meme. It’s a joke. It’s deliberately blown out of proportion.
Y’all need to calm tf down.
so… instead of discussing this… we should what? Post lol in all our coments?
No but the amount of people practically shitting themselves over someone’s social anxiety about phone calls is a little overdramatic.
Gee, it sounds like you have no idea what it’s like to have a panic attack or anxiety attack.
Who are you arguing for here?
me and other people like me who are often misunderstood when having a panic attack.
I’m literally making that same argument.
People are freaking out because other people have social anxiety and don’t like phone calls and it’s pathetic
No… we are not on the same page. It is not “pathetic” to have phone anxiety.
Hint: the phone call is not the problem.
not sure what you’re talking about. My phone anxiety was always based around the phone and making phone calls.
That’s the symptom.
so?
Lol this is the way /s
I think it’s this thing?
🗿
lol
Lol i kinda enjoy the weirdly serious discussions about shitposts. Its both absurd and oddly insightful at times.
Lemmys will follow any topic over the edge of a cliff :P
Pun intended
Always lol
Uh? You okay man?
This is probably family dependent. My family is similar to OP’s, we usually text if we want to have casual conversations. Voice calls are limited to serious topics only… unless I text them “hey, let’s have a call” or something like that first.
???
Why would she react like that to a phonecall?
Young people don’t call unless it’s serious business.
Why she reacted like that while also knowing her dad still calls people? No idea
Not just young people. I’ve seen this kind of behavior in surprisingly old people such as Gen X and even Baby Boomers, but I’ve seen it in a LOT of millennials, the youngest of whom are now in their early thirties and the oldest are in their forties.
Not just young people. I am 48, and if I get a call from my mom I would’ve thought something happened to my dad.
Yep. Basically any generation that grew up with texting and chat kinda leans this way… so millennials and younger. But also some gen x.
Phone calls are for things that can’t wait and need the other person to drop what they’re doing, and things urgent like that tend to be medical or work stuff. Or things time sensitive in another way.
Demanding the other person stop what they’re doing to attend to you immediately is considered kinda rude for minor topics when such an easy and less pushy alternative is available.
That’s funny, because my mom loses her shit if I don’t respond to her text message within 15 minutes. Then she rants on how her family abandoned her and she may as well be dead.
Every damn time.
She doesn’t call anymore though.
Yep same. I text and Snapchat with my mom daily. If she calls, shit went down.
That’s funny because my mom just asked me when she can call me this morning and I’m going oh fucking he’ll I just started my vacation this better be something fucking stupid like if I can order her a grout cleaner. We usually texts. She knows I don’t answer calls and if it’s really important she can call twice. My job has been on the phone since I was in college so the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone.
And, was it just a grout cleaner?
Lmao this thread is so weird to read. My parents call me all the time to ask how I am. I also call them. And my friend from time to time and he calls me. Samesies for my fiancée. Normal stuff.
Hmm, I wonder if it could a cultural thing?
I’m a millennial in Sweden and I have not experienced this phenomenon unless the person suffers social anxiety, though I must admit I have little contact with people under 25.
To me a call is convenient when I’m biking or working with my hands, and I can’t tell you how many times a simple phonecall spared me endless back and forth over text or e-mail.
Maybe I’m desensitized since I constantly receive and make calls at work.
Because phonecalls are reserved for when you immediately with no delay need someone.
Asking about a show is not one of those cases.
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Why not text ‘wanna talk sometime’? A call demands an immediate response, so reserve it for things that demand immediate responses.
No it doesn’t. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll text you to pick up the phone. There’s a reason the terms “phone tag” and “screening calls” exist.
But you don’t know the relative importance of what they’re telling vs what you’re doing. A text gives more information than just seeing your receiving a call.
That’s why people leave voicemails… you leave a verbal note of why you’re calling. And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist. Or they can listen to them.
The point is that people usually don’t set out to ruin your day or misbehave, and you cannot control other people’s experience, expectations and preferences, only your own. So it’s on you to know yourself well enough to manage your boundaries appropriately with technology/tools, and possibly communication, and not to blame other people for “missteps”. When what they are doing is likely perfectly within the realm of reason to them.
Especially if they have a disability and calls are easier for them. If you have the disability, you can communicate your preferences but don’t expect people to know immediately. Set up your tech accordingly to communicate your needs. And acclimate where you can.
If things “escalate”… well… it’s likely your fault. We always need to look at our part first.
Nothing good ever came out of a voicemail I received. Disabled and wont enable again. Text me if it’s important enough for me to call back with a brief topic. I don’t call back if I don’t get a text, that’s reserved for maybe 5 people on earth.
And if the receiver prefers to read a text about it, several services transcribe voicemails automatically good enough to get the general gist.
I use these. But they’re less direct and easier to misunderstand than if it was native text. If someone wants to say it, they can voice type as well.
I don’t even get how voicemail works, last time I checked there was like 6 “unread” voicemails from months ago I never knew I’d gotten and it was just my mom saying “please call me back” or some inaudible noise and figuring out how to delete them is a pain too.
Damn dude, it’s not that big a deal. Just don’t pick up the phone. If it’s important they’ll find a way to let you know.
if you don’t pick up they’ll get mad and say you never pick up your phone
I don’t mind much. I just don’t call because it wastes people’s time. But I don’t want to let it go to voice mail because then it wastes their time.
You will feel terrible if you don’t pick up the phone and it turns out to be something important, like being able to hear the last words of your grandma or something.
Texting is a lot less of a big deal than a phone call is.
Thanks for waking me up from the one nap I’ve gotten this year.
I’m sorry, what’s “phone tag” and “screening calls”? Never heard of any of that.
Unless you know for sure that the other person is legitimately bored, sitting around not doing anything, imposing yourself on someone like this is rude.
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You would have, if you knew how important it was.
But you can’t know that of a phone call, with a text you can.
Maybe this is just me and my circle but if someone just wants to talk I’d typically expect that more over discord or something like that rather than phone call unless they’re older.
Other than that phone call is for urgent stuff or something that’s going to have a lot of back and forth and is quicker pver phone.
Sure, my work uses discord, and I know friends that use it. But my family doesn’t. Plus, if you do sales, or job searching, or anything that involves talking to people for work who don’t directly work for your company then Discord is a little awkward. A phone or zoom call is better.
Discord, that’s a good one. That’s a gaming communication app.
You’ll be screwed in 4-5 years when it goes belly up.
No, Discord is a communication app that is mainly used for gaming.
That is like calling Whatsapp a family communication app.
So when you “just want to talk” you call someone out of the blue and just expect them to stop what they’re doing and have a little chat? I had a friend like that and I hated it because they always called at the worst moments so I wouldn’t pick up and then they assumed I disliked them and played the victim by a mutual friend. That’s when I actually started disliking them. So don’t randomly call people please thank you.
Also texting someone instead of talking isn’t antisocial behaviour. You can say as much in a text as you can say in a call and the other person can reply to your text and continue doing what they’re doing at the same time.
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Only when you are illiterate can you not say in a text what you can in a call.
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how is that antisocial?
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This is the first time in my life when I encountered an opinion that calling someone is somehow rude and reserved for emergencies. In my social circle and family people just call when they want to talk. Sure, we text often too, but calling is completely normal. And if you can’t or don’t want to talk, you just don’t pick up the phone.
I’m genuinely baffled.
In our family it looks exactly like this, that’s why I found it very funny :)
We usually just chat (or videochat) and when f.e. dad randomly calls me then it’s some serious business. And for that brief moment my mind jumps to most catastrophic scenarios why he could be calling me. And I think it goes both ways because when I call dad the first question usually is “Hi, did something happen?”
Crippling socal anxiety
I react this way when my mom calls because she never calls me and the one time she did, it was because my grandmother died.
I can see why you’d fear phone calls then. In my family I get a call from my dad about once a week to ask about my day. Usually the family texts more in the mornings, and more phone calls in the evening. Plus for a while I had to pick up the phone anytime someone called for work reasons. You just get used to it after a while.
For real, the last 2 times my mom called me was to tell me my dad had a heart attack and that my nephew died, so I 100% expect something like that if she calls me.
Probably a normal thing in the US, where families are so broken by default a simple call from a parent sounds like a disaster.
Why use a communication mode that demands an immediate response if you don’t actually need one?
Same reason people at home just come up to each other and start talking (which actually requires immediate response) even when the topic is non-urgent whatsoever, instead of leaving notes around the house.
It’s all based on differing conventions among people, so saying a call “demands immediate response” is putting your convention above others as the only true one.
In my family the convention is a bit different. A single call does not signal any urgency and so no one is expected nor obliged to answer if they don’t feel like it. A second call after the first one wasn’t answered implies importance. Third and more calls imply urgency and then emergency. If something is important or urgent and calls aren’t getting answered, a message is sent.
I like my convention. I also have slightly different conventions with some friends. I am also aware different people may have different conventions and I don’t hold mine to be superior or theirs inferior.
I agree your convention would supercede the one I’m taking about. I kinda like it too.
I think conversation is different though since there is a major effort imbalance between writing a note and taking. But there is no effort imbalance in texting or calling, especially since you can voice type.
I see the confusion. I don’t ever want to have a conversation with anyone.
Because sometimes it’s easier. Sometimes you just want to hear your kid’s voice. The horror.
Text ‘can we call? I’d love to talk sometime!’
No, it is not normal thing in the US.
Broken? What are you talking about? My dad started leaving me home alone for weeks at a time at age 12. By age 16 it was months at a time, and my house became the place where other kids came to hang out. I graduated college, or University. Then became a heroin addict. My family stopped talking to me because of this thing called “tough love”. Now, I’m all better and have my own family with kids and a partner, but my dad and sister wonder why I won’t let them be a part of it (my mom died when I was 8).
You know regular all American family. Nothing weird, or dysfunctional here. Definitely not broken.
Why so hostile?
I like trolling
Yes, feed my blocklist. It grows corpulent with your bloated corpses.
because why would you call someone if not for something very urgent?
not one of us, not one of us, not one of us, not…
This is what it feels to struggle with anxiety :(
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Nobody is actually this terrified of a phone call right? Besides the usual social anxiety anyway.
My father’s phone doesn’t even have internet, hell, they barely built a computer that could beat Nazi encryption back when he was born, he didn’t even see his first computer in person until he was what, 50?
He struggles at testing, no way could he navigate a modern phone haha. So, phone calls are normal for us :-)
My dad is probably about the same age (currently 81)
He didn’t touch a computer until the mid 2000s, and he just wanted to be able to email. It was a looooong journey to get him comfortable doing that.
Since he got a smart phone he texts literally every day, has installed a number of apps himself, can mostly get new services working himself (he did Amazon Prime, with some mild hand holding).
If anything, I call him more then he calls me!
It’s doable :)
I’m not NT so I like having the freedom and time to cook up good responses to texts that I can’t make on the spot in a call.
(Btw not saying that NT people can do that easily but they seem to always be able to think quick on their feet socially speaking)
“I’m not NT”
Not with that attitude! For real though, nothing in this existence is black and white. Labels are for cans, not people.
I chose the word NT because I think it’s the least divisible label.
I don’t choose or want to be neurodivergent, I’m reminded by NTs that I’m not normal in everyday life through social games and hints that I don’t understand.
I wouldn’t want to be called NT or non-NT. I definitely wouldn’t want someone applying an opposing label to me just because they perceive I’m different than a label they identify with. Everyone is unique in their own way. You can just call me human.
I wish you the best, friend.
That’s okay. Same to you.
Correct, DSM has pushed this notion that correlation and diagnosis of symptoms are well understood when under the DSM they are more loose associations of symptoms that say nothing of cause. You wouldn’t group and heart attack and a broken rib as the same illness just because they both have the same symptom of chest pain. This isn’t to deny the real symptoms people have though.
I don’t know about this DSM, I just don’t like labels. Especially “normal”, that one sounds really lame.
that one sounds really lame.
hmmm
What is NT?
The only NT I know is Windows NT (I’m old)
Im just gonna copy paste because I don’t think I can summarize it better:
The word “neurotypical” is an informal term used to describe a person whose brain functions are considered usual or expected by society. This term is often applied to people who do not have a developmental disorder like autism, differentiating them from those who do. It is neither a mental disorder nor even an official diagnostic term.
Are zoomers really like this?
Sorry if I don’t think minor topics are worthy of the immediate attention needed for a phone call?
Phone calls are reserved for emergencies. Otherwise you’re just demanding the instant attention of someone for nothing.
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I like to compare calling to someone knocking on your door incessantly for several seconds.
You can ignore it or decline to answer. It’s still annoying af.
So why call in the first place? And how will I ever know what the call was about? Unless you text, of course, so why not just do that in the first place?
You may not intent for it to be a demand, but unless you have your phone on silent, it will keep ringing and making noise until you do something about it. It demands an action, and tries to get your attention as much as possible.
Which is why it’s designated to emergencies. This makes calling more useful as well, because now you know calls are more important, and can actually treat them with more urgency. Otherwise you’re just gonna end up ignoring what may be an actual emergency, because you treat every phone call the same.
Gen X here, only had a smartphone 5 years as before I was avoiding it. Typing is painful. Just answer the phone and we’ll get that query sorted in less time than I would take to type the initial question. Don’t be a big baby about it.
Did you know, as with most things, typing on a phone is a skill that improves with use. Get with the times, don’t be a big baby about it
Did you know that brain plasticity decreases with age? It means learning new skills becomes progressively harder and harder and harder.
You specifically chose not to use smart phones until 5 years ago by your own admission, and are actively refusing to attempt to learn the new skill, get out of here with your brain plasticity argument. You’re doing this to yourself and ridiculing others
Why is humanity like this? Can we just agree that different people like to do different things?
Fair, I got a little triggered lol
I hate typing too but having to answer a phone call triggers PTSD. NOPE.
If it’s genuine PTSD then you have my every sympathy and I hope that you can get some peace from it.
Nobody I’m calling have anything worse than lazyitis.
That’s a microaggression!
You triggered half of Lemmy users.
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Can you elaborate on why you think this is a psychological problem?
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Phones used to be all about phonecalls. They aren’t anymore.
None of my friends call people on their phones on a regular basis.
Things change
lol exactly why my phone is on silent
Except the problem is I don’t know what the call is about so you’re asking me to make a except/declined decision with no information.
If you send a text message I have the information.
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I respectfully disagree.
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Notifications have a preview of the message tho.
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And yet I can look at it on my own time when I’m not busy with other things
The horror. Just let it ring.
When you decline a call you don’t know what it’s about. The only thing I can think of when I family member calls and I decline a call is that they needed desperate help/were in an emergency and I just hung up on them.
I’m 40. I don’t even answer the phone if it rings. If it’s important they can leave a message.
Which I’ll check in a few days. If it’s important, and they are pinned underneath a vehicle about to die, they can send a voice memo.
I don’t think all zoomers are, but a LOT of the people I know are TERRIFIED of phone calls. I was like that too, before I started applying for jobs and had to make like 3 calls a week.
Yeah, I’m a millennial and use to have terrible phone anxiety. It prevented me from being able to get a job for a long time. I would always try to go in person instead because it was less anxiety inducing but never got a job that way.
Gen-x’r here who doesn’t even have the phone app on my home screen.
Fuck phone calls!
That’s about outgoing calls. Incoming calls still will be fullscreen pop-ups
Depends on the status of the phone when the call arrives.
One thing I enjoy about the Pixel phone experience is the call screening feature. Having a transcript of the callers reason for calling has been a great bonus!
Also almost 40. Fuck synchronous communications. Inferior in every possible way.
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My biggest fear right now is the last day I get to hear my parents voices.
Yeah. Make sure you’ve got it recorded somewhere. Dad died 20 years ago when I was a kid, and I have to approximate what he sounded like in my head. It sucks.
A typical conversation with my mom starts with: Answerer: hey what’s up Caller: not much, do you want to chat? Then we chat for 10-40mins about whatever, then say bye. It’s nice to feel connected to people in your life.
If either doesn’t want to talk we just say, not a great time. Reply is always no worries, chat another time, bye.
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This image isn’t even referring to young people with phone anxiety, it’s about how you are conditioned to think an unexpected call from family is bad news.
I honestly want to both upvote and downvote this comment.
Just call blergh on the phone, no need to upvote or downvote
I’m in my mid 40’s, late Gen X and I absolutely despise any phone calls I don’t decide to make myself, and out of respect for others who might feel like I do, I will try most other avenues of communication before resorting to a phone call.
I didn’t use to mind them at all back in the land line days, but as soon as everyone started getting cell phones there was this undercurrent of expectation that every moment of YOUR time actually belongs to someone else…because you’re AVAILABLE ANYWHERE NOW.
It started slow, but it didn’t get really bad until about 2007.
It got to the point where people would get your voicemail, hang up, and redial over and over until I answered. I saw it happening more and more frequently to myself and many others, from all walks of caller.
I finally started cutting people like that out of my life a few years ago because in the intervening decade and a half it hasn’t really gotten much better, except among the younger folks who just hate phone calls.
It’s almost like Self + Possibility of Instant Gratification = Utter Fuckwad much of the time.
It’s not about respect or anything, because fuck entitlement, but if it’s really not so ridiculously utterly important that I should be stopping mid-poop and doing something about it, LEAVE A MESSAGE. USE TEXT. USE E-MAIL, USE MESSENGER, USE ANYTHING ASYNCHRONOUS.
Too many people’s priority is themselves and only themselves to the outright blatant detriment of others.
It’s ridiculous, and I blame cell phones, social media, and large swaths of marketing and advertising firms for the cultural paradigm shift.
The drain on a person’s emotional and mental resources when they feel a social responsibility to their relationships with their friends and loved ones but are always forced to do things on everyone else’s “me first” terms is the exact same sort of phenomenon that causes workplace burnout when jobs do it with things like not setting up a good work/life balance and not being proactive/planning in regards to workplace tasks/projects/deadlines. (Agile is a major offender here, as is scrum, and every management book from traction to…hell, pick any one of them, everything I’ve been forced to read is borderling toxic when applied.)
Therapy’s great and all and I’m 100% in favor of it (for everyone, really), but when noone is respecting boundaries, there’s not a whole hell of a lot it’s going to do in this particular regard.
Hell, I know a lot of people whose boundary is “no phone calls unless (list of super serious things like someone died) or we text first and agree on a phone call” and when someone potentially has that boundary and then panicks when they get a phone call outside of it, the solution might be a little more advanced than “seek help”. It sucks, (and there’s plenty of room for nuance) but I feel the change in culture is far more at fault here than anything else.
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Cold calls are rude. My 76 year old mom will not cold call because she understands convention.
Hardline phones had no way to ensure the timing of a call was considerate. Tech has moved on, and coordination is trivially easy. It is, in my opinion, rude to call or a sign of significant import.
If my mom calls without texting, it’s an accident or imprtant/urgent.
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You are a data point. However, I can probably guarantee you that people do not appreciate your approach to calls. If you’re in the US, at least.
Given your grumpy retort to my anecdote about my preference, I’m going to wonder about your warmth.
To me it feels texting takes longer. Call someone up and it’s done in less than a minute. Why write some long ass message?
Most folks don’t even bother writing back… Message seen? Best forget about it.
Edit: typo
For me, it’s about evidence and accountability.
This so much. Text/email/slack leaves a permanent, searchable record. Synchronous communication is complete garbage and there are very few scenarios where it should be tolerated, much less encouraged.
Honestly, I’m at the point where if someone insists on calling, I assume they are up to something and are intentionally trying to not go “on the record”
But… Call recording exists
Not on iPhones*.
Iphones are not:
- General-purpose comuters
- Phone
- Device owned by you instead of corporation
- Well-designed
An iPhone is not a phone and not well designed? Apple put the most thought into every detail and generally works generally well. It’s very much well designed because it does exactly what the designers want it to do. Yes it doesn’t mean it’s an ethical device or tinker- or repair-friendly. But “not well designed” just doesn’t float.
Apple put the most thought into every detail
It’s very much well designed because it does exactly what the designers want it to do.
You got me. You are entirely correct. They design well exactly because they wanted to design easily breakable(1m of free fall on carpet can break it) and unmaintainable phone.
Sometimes you don’t want that :)
Kinda depends, doesn’t it?
Do they need to find the information you need or is it something they can answer off the top of their head?
Does the phone call include formalities or is it just “Hey I need X” “Here’s X” “thanks, see ya!”
Is this person likely to broach other topics or answer you and move on?
Each method has its strengths depending on the question
If someone doesn’t write back it must not have been that important. I’m pretty much never just going to drop what I’m doing and answer the phone to have a conversation about an unknown topic which will take an unknown amount of time.
sounds like you’re getting ghosted for a reason.
I think this is a skill issue
This comic strip is flawed… nobody who would react that way to a phone call would have their phone out of silent mode.
The like 5 times I’ve heard my phone in a decade were all on accident.
I was a shift manager at a casino. After that job ended, I’ve never had my phone off silent and I won’t talk on it unless it’s 200% necessary…I just perpetually and always have bad service…don’t ask about the faraday cage in my workshop, it came like that when I built it.
So many people (myself included) text as the default method of phone communication.
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Even better, it’s asynchronous. I don’t have to answer right now, I can finish my current thought in my time and respond once I’m ready. That’s why I absolutely hate it if someone just calls me without writing first - it takes me so much longer to get back into things when I can’t close the thought properly.
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I really want to add “if you don’t leave a voicemail with a description of what you’re calling about I’m not calling you back” to my work phone.
I already don’t call back if they don’t leave a message. If it’s not important enough to them to leave a 10 second message it’s not important enough to me to call them back.
Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject, then they ask for some information that I could have already had if I’d known what we were doing.
Or when they send an email or teams message saying to call them but not giving a subject
It’s when they just put “Hi” and nothing else that gets me.
“No”
A phonecall is so much nicer, quicker and leaves a lot less room for misunderstanding.
I don’t like shot-messages-communication, especially not when it’s a delicate topic.
And yes, I’m old, and an extrovert.
Disagree, I despise phone calls. Something about the data compression makes everything sound distorted and blown out, it’s like nails on a chalkboard to me. It’s fine for short, urgent messages, but until fidelity gets a lot better there’s nothing I want to do less than talk over the phone for extended periods of time.
Well, you might be a special case, but phone’s are usually quite well adjusted for human voices, so they shouldn’t sound like something a person wouldn’t want to listen too.
For me, if it’s urgent, sure a call is fine. A message doesn’t require the other person’s attention to be redirected at your demand though. They can get around to it when it’s convenient for them.
For me a phone call is for when a text might be misunderstood or you need to gauge the mood of the person you’re communicating with. For everything else, text is more polite, accurate and convenient for both parties.
If it’s not important you can email it to me lol. My dad who is 75 also prefers emailing me and if more time sensitive he texts or sends a discord message. Phone calls are for emergencies and even then I know he wouldn’t call.
As someone with an autism induced fear of phone calls, this comment section is really mean ;-;
I’m with you there brother.
