Hey everybody, sorry, I couldn’t think of a more fitting title. I feel the need to share my mental progress. After a long time of thinking “maybe I am - just eventually - transgender”, I decided to go down the rabbit hole a few days ago. It was a very suppressed thought and it took me quite some strength to overcome it. I peeked in the mtf community and discovered the gender dysphoria Bible. And I ingested it. Every bit felt like it’s describing me directly. And that’s filling me with very mixed feelings. Obviously one is fear. I am 30 years old. Am married and have three kids. I’m worried about my own future, as well as the future of my closest. But there is also a feeling of euphoria in the background. Some weird feeling that’s telling me it’s right and everything is going to be good. That feeling is guiding me in unknown directions. When I was buying groceries today, I felt a surprising confidence in my thoughts. But that also got me to a situation I did not expect. When I first saw my own reflection, I didn’t see myself. Previously, my only thoughts about my reflection were not that bad, I was mainly dissatisfied by my looks. This was different. And that brought me to the decision to for now change my online representation. For now, just in this small area of my life, I am a woman. And that feels pretty right.
Fear is common, change is scary, and you are not alone. In my experience, the first few weeks after realizing that you’re trans feel the most scary. I had the same fears about ‘what is my family going to think?’ I’m a young’un so, I don’t have a spouse and children like you do, but I know that coming out to family is scary, and that it might be hard at first, but if they love you they will likely come around eventually, some people just need time to process. Although I have no experience with coming out to a partner, I do wish you the best of luck and I hope it works out well for you!