The Adjacent States of Denial
The Land of the Flee while you still can
Staties McStatyface
Oooh a contest to name the country, most votes wins!
I’ll set up the 1-900 number, just $10 to submit your vote.
Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land “Vinland” long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)
Alternatively, a name in
thea Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.Sounds a lot like Finland doesn’t it? I believe if our name is on it then it’s ours!
A name in the Native American language
There is no single native American language. There are over 200 of them, and used to be around 300-400, in 57 different families and over two dozen completely isolated languages (which might not be, but it’s hard to find out). And they’d likely be at the very least somewhat mutually culturally insensitive.
So that might be even more difficult than using English, which at least has the benefit of being popular now.
“OKLAHOMA”, but in all caps because it’s big now.
Needs at least two exclamation points on that thing; to properly imply scale. Add an extra one for each of the following territorial acquisitions: Canada and Greenland.
Coming soon, to a map near you: OKLAHOMA!!!
Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:
- The Divided States of America
- McMilitary Industrial Complex
- The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
- Red vs Blue
- Gilded Ruins
- AmeriKKKa
- Walmartistan
- Gunlandia
- Yeehaw Reich
- Methlehem
- Debtlandia
- Live, Laugh, Lawsuit
El Gabacho
Whatever the natives decide on tbh. Turtle island is popular but applies to the continent not the country
Clown Country
Brawndoland
President Camacho would be a marked improvement.
Turtle Island
Hey now, I’m feeling attacked!
To the top with you
South Canada
united states of fuck you, i got mine.
Bonerland
Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.
A not-insignificant amount of the USA was Mexico, at one time.
There’s nothing united about it, other than maybe hatred towards minorities
other than maybe hatred towards minorities
dissents
There are
dozensthousands of us!
New New Mexico and Old New Mexico
Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?
Transjordan?
Wait. Shit, that won’t work, even Jordan’s gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?
OH! How about Gilead!?
Except Transjordan isn’t biblical. It’s the region of Palestine that became The Kingdom of Jordan. As opposed to Cisjordan, which is the region that became Israel and the present Palestine.
But I don’t think we’re allowed to say cis anymore. /s
Except Transjordan isn’t biblical
I know, but when I Googled to confirm the name of the country in Handmaid’s Tale, I noticed the real Gilead was in Transjordan, saw a joke opportunity sitting there, and that was the smoothest I could work it in. I’m open to workshopping it.
