Thank you to everyone who replied to my post last week! This past week has been a whirlwind. I’m pretty sure my egg is cracked wide open.

I devoured the Gender Dysphoria Bible, and I found myself (maybe not surprisingly) relating to not all, but a lot, of the feelings and experiences described.

As I read more about how trans women describe their experiences, the more I realize that I’ve had similar feelings for a long time. Who knew that not every man secretly wishes he was a lesbian woman? I kind of thought that everyone had these feelings, and just settled for the disappointing reality of being male.

And I’m better able to put words to the positive feelings I get from growing my hair out, painting my nails, shaving my chest and legs - it’s gender euphoria!

I feel so excited, like I finally know who I am! And I’m so eager to learn makeup, get girl clothes, etc. And I really want to go on hormones. I guess any remaining potential doubt would be erased then - if I go on hormones and start to have a really bad time, then I guess I know I’m not trans.

I did talk to my therapist, and she was so encouraging! She was completely affirming, and at the end of our session she said that she could see me as a woman, and that felt so good to hear! I get butterflies in my stomach and keep smiling when I think about it.

She did encourage me to take my time though. I’m really excited, but I am also extremely nervous and scared about how people might react, especially my wife. She’s bisexual, and she’s been really supportive of my gender exploration so far, so those are both good things. But she’s also autistic and sometimes has a hard time adapting to rapid changes.

So I feel like I need to make sure I know what I want, and that I’m able to answer any questions she might have about what my transition process is going to look like - and there are still a lot of questions I don’t have the answer to.

And I worry a lot of how my family, friends, and work might react to my coming out. I’ve spent a lot of time getting educated, getting a good job, and building a nice little life, and I don’t want to mess it all up. And unfortunately, my immediate family are all devout Catholics, so I don’t anticipate a great reaction from them…

I get my hair cut at an LGBTQ salon, and I think at least one of the stylists there is a trans woman. Would it be appropriate/inappropriate for me to ask her if I could talk to her about her experience?

I don’t know any other trans women in real life, and I think it would really help me to have someone to talk to. But I also don’t want to just dump all my burdens on someone either.

Any other advice on what I should do, or things to consider, would be really welcome - I’m just trying to figure out how I want to navigate this.

  • OldEggNewTricksEnglish
    5·
    20 hours ago

    Yay, welcome to the sisterhood!

    I don’t really have anything other than congratulations to add that others haven’t already mentioned. From my experience I’d recommend really making an effort to keep communicating with your wife. Especially if she’s having trouble adjusting you may find yourself wanting to hide parts of your transition (if you choose to do so) from her, and that’s likely to cause trouble.

    Best wishes for the future <3

    • compostgoblin@slrpnk.netOPEnglish
      2·
      19 hours ago

      Thank you! <3

      And your comment is prescient! Earlier today, in my infinite wisdom, I forgot that my YouTube account is logged into our TV, and my wife saw that I had been watching Abigail Thorn’s coming out video. I hadn’t planned on having this particular conversation with her for a little while longer until I felt like I had my thoughts collected better, but we ended up having a very emotional, but I think ultimately good, conversation about where I am with my gender identity and how I want to express it.

      She’s very understandably a little overwhelmed and feels like it’s coming on all of a sudden, but she was also very reassuring that she isn’t going anywhere and will support me. I think there are certainly going to be some things that aren’t easy over the course of my transition, but we’re both committed to each other and staying open and communicative. We may do some couples counseling, and go to some support groups for trans people and their spouses, as things progress.

      Point well taken though, I will do my best to stay as open and honest as possible throughout!

      • OldEggNewTricksEnglish
        2·
        19 hours ago

        Oops! But all’s well that ends well :3

        I’ve also been watching Philosophy Tube recently, although since she’s from the North of England we are clearly sworn enemies for life.