Anyone who knows me that on the ice rink I turn into the human equivalent of a scruffed cat. My friend wanted to see me skate and I didn’t want to disappoint so I ended up launching myself by pushing off of a wall. Suffice to say I ended up landing square on my butt! 😂

Went for a motorcycle ride when it was 12 degrees fahrenheit. I was warm with some heated gear, but I was on my Street Triple with Pirelli Rosso III tires. I stopped at a store for a while and didn’t think about the tires being cold. Gave it a bit too much throttle when leaving and the rear end slid at about 15 MPH. My leg went down first and it snapped my left MCL. I could barely walk for a month as it healed and had to go through physical therapy. My leg is solid now, but there’s some nerve damage from the bike landing on my leg, which decides to make itself known occasionally.

When I was in middle school, on an organized camping trip to a lake where we would work on our canoeing skills, another kid and I started to horseplay. We were struggling over who could take a specific canoe paddle. My opponent held the handle, and I the blade. We each tried using the paddle to shove at the other & cause them to lose control, thereby securing the paddle for our own exclusive use.

Nevermind that there were a dozen other equally good paddles laying around unclaimed, we had to fight over that specific paddle.

I wound up losing my grip right as my opponent shoved. The blade hit me square on the bridge of my nose. I bled like crazy.

It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I realized how perilously close I had come to losing one or both eyes.

When I was a child, I used to gallop down the stairs like you’d see a lot of people doing in everyday life. I got to a point in my puberty that I had grown just enough to slam my head into the wooden stud at the bottom of my stairs going into the basement.

I’m pretty sure my IQ went down by about 25% that day.

So this is half on me, and half on my father. (I inherited my “stupid idea” gene.

When I was 16 my dad was building a greenhouse on our small acreage. Frame was up, everything was ready and it became time to lay down the heavy clear plastic sheeting that would form the surface.

As he was up in the top nailing down each corner, it was my job to hold each corner down as tight as I could from the ground by using a rope attached to the corner of the sheet. (I don’t know if i’m describing this properly).

Any way, my father’s fault in the story is this: The only “rope” we could find was baler twine. It’s thin, coarse, and can easily slice like a saw. We secured a long piece of it to the corner of the sheeting and my job was to basically “tug of war” the corner in order to keep it taut for my father to secure.

Anyone raised in the country already sees exactly where I’m going with this…

MY stupid part in this story is this…

In an attempt to get a better purchase on the baler twine, I wrapped it a few times around my hand, through my fingers, etc…

Did I mention it was a bit windy that day? So a guest of wind took the corner and ripped it out of my hands, with the twine literally zipping through my fingers, slicing them nearly to the bone because friction + baler twine = weirdly effective saw.

Four fingers on my right hand were left with ring scars from where the twine zipped through them and my right hand was out of action for about a week

I needed to fill the medicine boxes for me and my partner, and I had a few bottles of medicines I just got that I needed to put in, so I’m carrying them down the stairs, one of the bottles falls out of my hand, lands like a wheel on a stair, I step on it, and I fall down 3 stairs. My butt and elbow hurt and I was so mad. 😡

This was yesterday, btw.

There was a row of chairs (touching each other) at work that are purposefully very heavy. I wanted to look under the chairs, so I was lifting them one at a time. The last one was a corner chair and a lot heavier. I stuck my head behind the last chair to look under it, dropped it, and caught my jaw. It hurt like fuck but fortunately didn’t do any actual damage.

When I finished my exams at school, I felt exuberant, and a group of us ended up at the village playground. For some reason I perched myself on one end of a see-saw and got a “friend” to jump out of a tree onto the other end.

While he was in mid flight I reevaluated my choice, and tried for a safe dismount. I nearly made it but one foot was still on the seat. That foot went up by what felt like a mile in the space of 0.003 seconds and I did a flip onto my head. Dazed, I immediately tried to push myself up and the see-saw caught me on the downstroke. Blood everywhere. Stitches in my head.

Many ways. in order from first to last the ones that I remember and qualify as stupid are:

When I was very young i put a toy into a coal fire, regretted my decision and tried to retrieve the molten plastic.

I tried to carry a pan of boiling chickpeas over my shoulder and ended up spilling it down my back

I tried cycling down a steep hill while holding an ice-cream and hurt my nuts on the stem of the handlebars when I had to stop.

Went down a steep hill on a scooter and stopped on my head (this one required stitches).

Worked on a boat without a helmet and got slapped in the side of the head with a crane hook.

Tried jumping over a Wheely bin while rat-arsed and face planted on the pavement.

There are plenty more accidents that were just shitty luck, but these are the avoidable ones.

Edit: I also managed to slice open my finger with a kitchen knife while removing the seed from a mango.

I fell off an electric scooter and broke my wrist, I have a titanium plate in there now.

I have many stories how I either accidentally cut into my fingers or break the bones. But most of them was pretty logical (still stupid tho) why it happened but one time was I going to lift up my friend + the chair they sat on for the lols and my ring fingers bone broke… I don’t know how… Your guess is as good as mine

Got a concussion in a pillow fight. I was in the top bunk in a lean-to at summer camp when I was maybe 13 or 14. Forgetting the low ceiling above me, I jumped to my feet, planning on launching a pillow at someone poking around another bed. Promptly slammed my head into the ceiling, knocked myself out and wound up going to the doctor shortly after. Pretty sure I still have a disc somewhere with images of the small minor brain bleeding I got as a result.

Scraped a huge chunk of skin off my foot while drunk in a pool. I was at an Airbnb in the desert with some friends.

One friend and I worked our way through 40 beers in about five hours but we didn’t realize that until later on—something about the 110°F weather and swimming made drinking far too easy.

The pool had a very rough texture at the bottom and no part of it was especially deep, so I mainly bounced around on my toes while we were in the pool.

When we finally got out of the pool I saw blood everywhere coming from my foot, it had probably been bleeding for hours because I remembered pretty early on I’d stupidly jumped in and hurt my foot. I immediately went inside and ended up sleeping for 10 hours, missing all the fun everyone else had that evening. Because I was on my toes the entire time my ankles hurt for a few days.

It’s been seven months but I still have a mark on my foot, and it itches sometimes still.

As a bored kid waiting for my turn on the family computer in the basement, while waiting for my older brother to finish, I once stapled a finger. Don’t remember which, but it was just really dumb.

Sliced two tendons in my hand when I tried to break a metal motorcycle gasket by pulling it apart