I was perplexed by the question. What’s the difference? They explained: “Should I tiptoe and watch my manners around you or be blunt? Flirtatious or chill? Brag about my sexual conquests or talk about our feelings? When you’re sad, do I hug you and buy you ice cream or do we go grab some beers? Should I wonder if we’ll ever hook up?”

I’m not sure if I’m more appalled or confused by this mindset. I thought everyone treated their friends the same regardless of their gender identity. Is this just a fringe case of toxic masculinity, or is this really how the average cis person sees the world?

  • Lucy :3@feddit.orgEnglish
    14·
    6 days ago

    Should I wonder if we’ll ever hook up?

    I honestly have a hard time realizing that pan is not the default lol

    • KitOPEnglish
      14·
      6 days ago

      I think I was more perplexed because this person knows me - we’ve hung out numerous times. Why would the label I use for my gender identity be a deciding factor in whether or not they’re interested in me sexually?

      • pooberbee (they/she)@lemmy.mlEnglish
        6·
        6 days ago

        Yeah, this sounds so misogynistic. Are women just potential sexual conquests to him? Doesn’t sound like a friend I would keep, personally. Respecting your gender means he’s got to respect women, too.

        • KitOPEnglish
          4·
          6 days ago

          That’s exactly the vibe I got and it gave me the ick.

      • vapeloki@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        6 days ago

        I obviously don’t know you or your friend. As a neurodivergent cis man, amd part of the LGBTQ+ Community, I had a fair share of very awkward interactions. In many cases, people comming out / transitioning die not change my behavior around or with them, or made me ask those kind of questions. But sometimes, I really get confused. Ĺ

        And ai asked the question “should I be worried we may hook up and loose our friendship”. I asked it because it happened to me with someone. We hooked up, we broke up, and lost all.

        I would ask him about this question, why he thinks it is a question worth asking.

        Speculation is always the worst advisor

        • KitOPEnglish
          9·
          6 days ago

          I asked and he said that it’s because he approaches conversations with women with the intention of fuck-cum-sleep. Needless to say, the friendship is over.

    • dandelionEnglish
      12·
      6 days ago

      this is definitely some /r/AreTheStraightsOK material