“I want to hold them captive all day long,” Ellison said during a financial presentation on Thursday. “I don’t want them leaving the building … I don’t want them walking down the road for a cup of coffee. We kind of figured out a few years ago how much that cost.”
One, fuck you with a burning stick.
Two, people who are off the clock can go wherever the fuck they want.
Three, you’d better be in that fucking office yourself at least forty hours a week.
Four, put the stick out with a jar of honey and then fuck your own peehole with it.
Ugh my director at work has been enforcing a strict RTO mandate while working fully remote from fucking Florida
Unionize
Oh we are >:)
If he’s not there, don’t work? I’m on the more industrial side of things, but if my boss is maliciously not here, that’s just me being paid to dick about on my phone. Or steamdeck if I’m feeling frisky.
Director is like my manager’s manager’s manager’s manager. She doesn’t contribute anything other than finding ways to reduce productivity
Honey is too kind. I was thinking more along the lines of putting the fire out using a jar of Carolina Reapers, and then he can go to town on his urethra with that
Jesus, I’m not a monster.
The guy is an out of touch jerk. Sometimes the hilight of your day ia that mental break grabbing a coffee at a cafe and enjoying fresh air. And i get way more work done with WFH, because people need an actual reason to interrupt your work flow
Absolutely a mask off “let them eat cake” level quote.
let them eat cake that they buy from the company restaurant
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History has shown overworked, burned-out, desperate-to-hold-the-job people make the BEST employees!
Go hardcore or go home! No, wait, not home…
What you lack in individual performance you can make up in volume. The only thing that really matters is the margins.
80% on a bunch of burnouts yield higher returns than 20% on a superstar. That’s how a Walmart scale business makes money
In any office job I’ve worked, I would have been able to accomplish jack shit for the second half of the day without a break with some food and good coffee.
Also, breaks in which you can do whatever you want are enforced by law around here, and I’d be surprised if it isn’t the same in Australia.
That man is both a dick, and a fool.
It is. I think fair work should have a word with old mate.
Where I live, they can only enforce that you stay on site during breaks if they pay you for your breaks, and lord knows they don’t want to do that
I consider the question of free coffee to be a litmus test for any company. If you’re not offering it, you are unequivocally a loser not worthy of running a company:
- It costs next to nothing
- Caffeine makes the workers more productive
- Your best outcome is workers who drink a healthy amount of coffee every day
The expected return of offering free unlimited coffee for any work place is positive - and the inverse of not offering free coffee is hence negative.
Pretty much any office I’ve been in had free coffee. Good free coffee, now that’s few and far between.
Have a friend who got his PhD in Australia, in neuroscience. He’s got enormous personal debt, his department is chonically underfunded, he has two grad students to his name, and he’s got to spend every semester writing these long winded grant proposals to maintain any kind of budget.
Then six months ago, a recruiter from Fudan University reaches out to him. Flies him out to Shanghai, wines him and dines him, shows him around the campus, offers him a $1.5M housing allowance plus $500k salary with another $6M in budget and three other PhDs on his team.
He’s moving there in March.
Yeah, even if I was offered that I wouldn’t touch that shit with a 10 foot pole especially if we’re talking about being held captive.
People being held captive is in relation to the Perth-based mining company that the article talks about. The person you’re replying to is talking about a Shanghai-based university. There’s no captivity involved there, afaik.
That’s the “alternative” to captivity. And it’s going to lead to businesses that treat talent like this losing their talent to China. Speaking as someone who has also been contacted by numerous (sketchier than the above referenced) Chinese interests.
Damn, the amount of people here that love how the owner class manipulates and sucks them dry is shocking.
Banning wfh should be illegal, period. Of course everyone is different and has different needs but keeping people in the building has multiple benefits for his bottom line, not the employees:
- no room to talk to other companies’ employees and compare
- no room to think about company policy without being influenced
- potential to be overheard talking potential union business
While it is great for highly sought after software engineers to be pampered like this, the majority of people arent this and the reason companies do this only for the highly paid is because they are actually valued and might be able to hurt the company if they are unhappy. Opposed to the many people who are less qualified.
This comment section is a harsh example of privileged people being completely out of touch with the reality of their fellow humans.
I‘d be ashamed.
“So another reason for them to come and enjoy work: drop the little tykes off next door. We’ve got doctors on board and nurses, we’re going to feed them, but mum and dad will be working in our office.”
The fact that you needed to explicitly SAY that is a little disturbing. What was your original plan? To store the kids in a fridge?
And then some minion had to tell you, “sir, children need food water and air to stay alive.”
Maybe the guy said it a bit awkward, but are we really complaining that his company is offering a variety of amenities to make it easier for people to work in the office?
A lot of these sound similar to what my company offers except we have no childcare but do have free EV charging. Those are all good things …… maybe it’s just how they were presented, plus we’re only being asked to be in the office 2 days/week
Don’t worry guys, the company men are good. They even set up a general store right next door that we can buy anything we need using this stuff they’re calling scrip.
“Free”
Just load 16 tons
I was just listening to that song! (You better not be my kid who pointed it out to me).
Check out Geoff Castellucci on Spotify and presumably other services! He’s got the deepest voice I’ve ever heard, and his version of that is something to listen to — but listen on an actual speaker if you can. Not just a phone
Have no fear, my parents are dead!
Wait a minute, are you that zombie that keeps hanging out in my driveway
I think many people would like employers to stop wasting money (on stuff like amenities and activities that were not requested). Instead, make the job more attractive by listening and responding to actual concerns (like WFH, hours, wages).
Maybe. Maybe I’m a bit spoiled in the software field, but I feel like they’ve done pretty well:
- 2 days/week in office
- flexible with appts and outside commitments
- pay reasonably
- free coffee and tea
- free breakfast and lunch
- gym downstairs (extra cost)
- free EV charging
Aside from just plain not wanting to go in, that pretty well covers any specifics I might complain about
Fwiw I think that the people you’re discussing this with haven’t had the same experience in the workforce that you have had.
How about just wanting to go outside for a few minutes and see real sunlight?
We do have a pretty good deck and they let groups sign up for the grills, or it’s a nice walk around the complex
I really do not think you understand the mental toll just being at work can take on someone and how getting away from work entirely for even a few minutes can get you destressed enough to return.
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I think he got a bad read and people aren’t aware of context.
It was a finance meeting. think about how you’d justify why you’re spending money on creches doctors and nurses when you’re a mining company. It doesnt make sense right surely you’d want explosives and dump truck drivers . So you go to explain it.
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OK so what were trying to do is make work attractive to be here in our offices because we believe that people on-site are more productive
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we have parents who want to work with us but they have commitments outside of work so we realised that we could maybe take away some of the need to service those commitments
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parents have kids and need childcare, so we solved that problem for them by providing a creche
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our staff need to go see doctors or nurses, so we solved that problem for them by providing a clinic
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our staff like to socialise over food and coffee, so we set up restaurants and cafes in the building
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all these things cost money but you know what, it balances out because they’re on-site and being productive as a group
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why do we need them on-site - because we believe people to be more productive when they work together. We’ve said we want you in all day every day, we’re trying to make it possible for this to happen.
I know it’s about as human as a thrown axe but people are resources. Companies exist because of their people. I actually respect that he’s open about this and I can tell you, this approach would appeal to a lot of young families in Perth. It’s hard to get childcare and hard to see doctors.
I think he meant exactly what he said. The arrogance and entitlement of millionaires is VERY well documented.
“Hold them captive.” Those are HIS words. There is no other way to interpret that.
Sure mate. Have a good one.
Words mean things. Stop simping for millionaires. It’s embarrassing to watch.
“Words mean things” - inspired. I think I’ll have a t-shirt made.
Have an awesome day, you’re a top bloke with a lot going for you.
One of those temporarily embarrassed millionaires simping for billionaires
Man the projection is wild here. Have a good one mate. You’re welcome to visit Australia any time, you’ll fit right in.
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Let’s see how that goes in a market starved of high level workers and full of employers happy to let their staff work from home.
I assume that means food is included, so you don’t need to pack a lunch the night before.
Taking a quick break and going down to the gas station down the road to get coffee and maybe a pastry was one of the only things that made my last job bearable.
Maybe it’s all colored by our experiences. I appreciate being able to take a quick break and walk down the hall to grab a coffee. Or I can walk down to the cafeteria for more choices plus a variety of snacks. I don’t have to pay anything nor get in my car and I still have that convenience regardless of weather
But wouldn’t both options be preferable? We bar people from going somewhere on their break? Sometimes you need to get out to clear your head.
Its great to see TBH. His employees will read this when they google and share it around the office if they are not already talking about it. They will be demoralised by it, productivity will drop. The high valued talent will move in a heartbeat and he will be left with those that cant get a better deal elsewhere.
But all that wont matter as its a long term problem.
Thats a problem for the next CEO.
Notice the problem here? Accountability!
Even worse, talented candidates always check out companies before applying.
I have had a few head hunters chat with me, first question I ask is “will you put 100% WFH in writing?”
Check out our compensation package! Nah.
So first they force people back into the office because CBD businesses are suffering.
Then they want to ban people from going for a coffee?
Make up your fucking minds!
Shit like this is why I became a contractor. Sick of control freaks with no idea what the job entails telling everyone what to do.
At least he doesn’t chain the employees to their desks
Yet
This is all about building your personal life around work, this guy knows that current WFH initiatives are giving people better flexibility for work to fit around their personal lives.
The things he’s offering to basically hold his employees captive for the day, are quite decent. I just don’t see them being attractive to people long term.
I’m quite lucky to work for a company that measures performance based on results, rather than hours spent in the office.
However, work does offer a heap of incentives to head into the office (similar to this, we have an on-site cafe, restaurants, convenience store, gym, daycare facilities and school holiday activities); as sometimes heading in to collaborate with a team in person is a lot more convenient overall.
What this man is trying to offer is similar, except that by forcing attendance he will never be able to match that culture.
I want to hold them captive all day long.
…another reason for them to come and enjoy work: drop the little tykes off next door. We’ve got doctors on board and nurses, we’re going to feed them, but mum and dad will be working in our office.
