It doesn’t just have to be “oh I’m a man/woman/enby.” What qualities do you have or want to obtain as your gender? How do you express yourself? What does your gender feel like?
My gender is “not man.” The title “man” feels like an ill-fitting jacket on me, heavy and burdensome. I describe it, in specific terms, as genderflux demigirl; I only ever feel varying degrees of “girl,” ranging from not girl to all girl, but never any amount of man; agender to girl. I don’t want to be manly and I don’t want to be put in the same category as men. In simple terms, I tell people that I’m genderfluid with they/them pronouns because I find they/them acceptable for all presentations, even if I would prefer she/her.
I don’t have any issues with men, it’s just not me. I’m still pre-HRT and I haven’t built up the courage to try to present femme. The farthest I’ve strayed is GNC. Regardless, I want people to see and treat me as a girl. I share the sentiment that some of the traits I want and exhibit aren’t necessarily gendered, but they’re part of what makes up my gender.
I want to be vulnerable, emotional, graceful, and unintimidating. I have a large sense of empathy, but my emotions are locked. I’m wearing a mask unless I’m significantly inebriated and I hate it. I hate that I’m big, strong, and clumsy. I hate that I feel like I have to avoid strangers and give them breadth on the street because my presence might make them feel uncomfortable. I hate that I feel anxious and pent up all the time.
I want people to see me for who I feel that I am When people look at me, I want them to think: cute, adorable, soft, dainty. I don’t want the weight, the baggage, and the assumptions that come with “man” because the truth is that I’m not strong, brave, powerful, or confident and I don’t necessarily want to exhibit or exude these qualities. As it stands, people assume that I have these qualities because they sort me with men. I am not man. I am me. Hell, I don’t even think I’m woman, but I am girl. I want to look girl. I want to feel girl. To some extent, I already behave like a girl. I want people to see girl.
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So much this… masculine is not in any way a desire of mine. Nor do I myself at all attracted to masculinity. Being in a group of men is exhausting (although it is VERY easy to get caught up in general jackassery and do some stupid shit), and most of my friend group in middle and high school was girls. The “boys will be boys” type behavior has always felt gross and uncomfortable to be around.
I would like to be someone people are comfortable around, I don’t want to be the center of attention or anything. Some days I want to feel pretty, some days I just want to “be”.
Masculinity just feels heavy, clunky, and burdensome.
Masculinity, or man-ness? I like being a tomboy sometimes, but never a man.
That is a good distinction. Man-ness I suppose is more accurate in my case.
I think I would consider myself a bit more of a femme leaning enby currently, but would like to experience HRT and think more on it in the future.
I’m planning on it. Remind me in three weeks and I’ll tell you how it’s going.
Oh I definitely plan to as well, life circumstances are just highly incentivizing waiting until at least October.
Gender is a performance and I wasn’t given a script.
In other words,
I am mostly just posting this so I remember to make an actual response when I have the time.
Enby here. My gender is Yes. =D
“Are you a boy or a girl?” Yes.
I prefer to say no to that one 😅 “Are you a boy, or a girl?” “Not really? 🤷”
Also a very good answer!
I know some folks would say “Kinda?” Too. 😄
The way I describe my gender is, that if I’m standing in a room of men, my feeling is “not one of them”.
My feeling when standing in a room of women is “they’re like me”
I struggled when people perceived that grouping the other way around.
My presentation was initially basically doing what I needed to do to get people to perceive my gender correctly. Pragmatic. I’ve never otherwise had a meaningful sense of connection between expression and gender. It could be best described as “pragmatically feminine leaning towards androgynous”.
If the world removed the groupings, and it became just a room full of people instead of a room full of people with gender, then I’d be quite happy for my gender to be as unimportant as my eye colour or hair colour. An interesting fact about me, but not a default grouping category people use for me.
I also struggled with serious physical dysphoria, but these days, I see that as distinct from my gender. Even in the hypothetical world I was talking about, with gender relevance being downplayed, I’d still have had to navigate that dysphoria
My gender is being a Dad, which basically means I’m a parent with occasional facial hair. I could probably be enby but idk where the autism ends and gender begins. My gender feels like a role that could change based on life circumstances and I’m mostly okay with that as long as people don’t tell me how or what. It’s like I wasn’t born with a script and I refuse to read one when someone hands me their script. I’ve gotten along without one for this long, why stop now?
I simply wouldn’t
If you’re attracted to me you’re queer, I don’t make the rules
I express myself as cute, and my gender feels amazing
/j
I’m a woman, but honestly I’ve always been very much a tomboy. I regularly wear a multitool on my belt and prefer my stuff to be more function than form (though prefer both if possible naturally). I don’t wear makeup, mainly because I’m too fucking lazy to deal with that. Lol.
I do occasionally like to girl out though. Lol.
I like pizza, PC gaming, and pi on my pie.
My favorite fictional character is Éowyn, for I AM NO MAN.
confused flailing and/or squirming?!?
pat pat
^.^
I don’t know! And with every day passing since I really looked into myself it weighs heavier and heavier on mind. I first settled on enby almost a year ago. A couple of weeks ago I had some key memories pop up/some revelations about myself which convinced me that I am, in fact, transfemme. This gave me so much euphoria bit now… my brain “snapped back”?? I don’t understand it. The being sure is gone and along with it, the euphoria. It’s all so muddy. I only know that my inner self and my body don’t match. Goddammit I am in my 30s, shouldn’t I at least know who I am?
Oooo, that sounds familiar. Sometimes I wonder if I’m some kinda fancy-funky metagenderfluid 😅 Like, swishing around between agender, genderfluid, fem, femby, and who even knows what else 😵💫 Latelish my best results are from just letting go and letting me happen 🤔 Or, well, letting something happen. Maybe it’s me 😅 Anyway, there’s a ton of outside crap to struggle with before self can really make itself known and sometimes lots of experiences are needed to knock loose the ones that burrowed in <.< Or just to give perspective for understanding selfness! … Yeah Idunno where I’m going (in general, but also specifically with this comment 😹) so I’ll stop yapping. Eventually >:P
Also, thirties cluuubbb! 🥳 Maybe when we’re forty we’ll have figured something out 😅
Transfemme enby here, I can empathize!
I figured myself out around 10 or 11 years old, but growing up in Texas in the 90’s never made being myself feel like an option. So I lied to myself that it was just a fantasy, especially after I was outed as gay to my parents at 16. It was just easier to let people think I was a queer guy, and I’ll still let people make that assumption even after starting hormone therapy in my late 30’s.
Fortunately my gender is fluid enough to tolerate a masc presentation most of the time, but that variability was a pain to manage. I’d be more or less fine for weeks, then I’d wake up to find myself depressed in such a way that could only be resolved by painting my nails and wearing a pair of breastforms.
You just need to be true to yourself, which may involve some interior cartography if your true self isn’t just one thing. Take all the time you need to meditate on it, make a mental chart of how your gender shifts overtime and start looking for patterns. Your gender might be cyclical, regularly shifting along a well-trodden course, or it might be dynamic, changing in response to stimuli.
Your gender might be cyclical, regularly shifting along a well-trodden course, or it might be dynamic, changing in response to stimuli.
I have never heard of that! Sounds like I have some reading to do. Thank you! May I ask how old you are now and what kind of hormones you are taking? “Just” estrogen or test blockers as well? Only if you are comfortable sharing ofc <3 could also share via dm if you prefer
Just vented to a good friend of mine (one of 2 people that know about my thoughts) and just getting it all out was helpful as well.
No worries! I’m quite familiar with how just talking about it to someone who understands can ease the burden of dysphoria and I’m happy to share!
This actually came up in another thread yesterday: https://pawb.social/comment/7129720 but I’ll repeat the details here for ya~
I’m in my late 30’s now, and started hormone therapy about 7.5 months ago. I’m on 2mg sublingual Estradiol, 5mg Finasteride, and started 100mg Progesterone at 3 months, no anti-androgen.
As of my last testing, both E and T levels are on the low side of normal for the female and male ranges respectively.
I am demon hear me roar
Transfemme woman. I myself am binary and eschew masculinity, but my presentation is neutral-femme.
I too like to manifest my gender expression through hellish eldritch formations.
Enby here but I’m keeping my villainous moustache. =3
I’m still figuring out what kind of man I am and want to be. One thing is being strong for other people. Being able to provide for and support others is important to me. Then being strong for myself, being able to take things and roll with the punches. Obviously, anybody of any gender can embody those, but to me being able to do that will indicate that I’m growing from a boy into a man. Not quite there yet.
I find myself falling into machismo sometimes. It’s not the type of man I want to be. I’ll do stupid shit or try to fit stereotypes to prove my masculinity or some stupid shit. Part of being young and unsure of myself, I guess. Deep down, I’m a very sensitive, romantic, and whimsical person, but I’ve buried that for many years because no men around me show those traits. I hope when I move to yankeeland I’ll find some better male role models and more freedom to express myself without compromising my masculinity.
I don’t feel like I’ve got one at the gender dispenser. I act masculune when it’s needed due to my strenght, but I usually don’t even think about that. I’m gender-absent mostly, showing stereotypes of both sexes at random.
It feels like a spring breeze
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In conversation: “enby”
I still think about it sort of like I did as a teenager before I realized I was trans. I feel like there’s two people inside me, and oddly enough, since I was a kid I occasionally noticed that I refer to myself as “we.” I don’t know if that’s normal.
One is a man who loves competition and mainly wants to socialize with men because they’re generally more relatable. He also mainly likes things that happen to be traditionally male-dominated like videogames and programming. It’s the more “active” side of me.
The other side is a woman who feels like she only recently stopped being ignored. Even now, we don’t always get what she wants due to social pressure, but at least we acknowledge her now and understand what she wants. She wants to train our voice and wear more stylish clothes. She feels confident when we appear feminine. That’s the more “passive” side of the equation.
