For context, I’ve been on the fence about going on HRT.
During my therapy session today, I was talking about some of the fears I have about going on HRT. Up until now, I’ve been trying to ease myself into transitioning because I do have my doubts and I don’t want to rush into the wrong decision.
I’ve been “crossdressing” (what does one call this if they think they’re trans?) on and off for a while now, and I’ve been in therapy about dysphoria for a few months now, but HRT is still a big decision that I didn’t want to influence myself toward if I didn’t need it. I didn’t go by female pronouns, didn’t experiment with names, hesitated to call myself trans until I soul searched a bit more and knew. I think that’s partially due to fear of being ostracized by my family or affected by the horrible legislation attempting to go around in America right now, or really just rushing into something big like that in general.
Lately, I’ve been leaning toward wanting to go on HRT. I’ve been searching for clinics to freeze my sperm and I’ve found a couple of sources for HRT, just to have everything sorted if I decide to start transitioning. Today, when I was going over my fears with my therapist, I just blurted out
“Fuck, if I had gone on HRT when I was 18 then I would just be a woman by now. Dammit.”
Right after I said that, I realized exactly what I had said and what emotions I was actually expressing. I think it took me forever to admit it but I definitely want HRT. I want to be a woman. I’m scared still, in many ways, but I think this is the path for me and I want to embrace all the joys and struggles which come alongside transitioning. So that said, I’d like to ask any of you girls on HRT, what were some unexpected trials and happy moments during the process?
I turn 23 this December, and it would be amazing if I could start HRT before then. It’s doable, I have to hunt down some good sperm banks first because I still want biological kids someday. My main fear right now (and I do apologize to you non-American Lemmy users that are sick of hearing about this) is this damnable upcoming election. I don’t believe that team Trump will go down quietly if Harris wins, but it would ease my mind greatly if I knew I didn’t have to navigate my transition with a 2nd Trump administration breathing down my neck. How are you other American girls dealing with that? I’m almost at the point where I say fuck it all and live my life. So close…
but do I want to paint a target on myself?
Idk. Thanks for reading my thought spew, it helps to get it out in writing sometimes.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate any advice and opinions I can get from trans people who have more experience being themselves.
I do realize that I have some internalized transphobia, and that’s something I’m working through in therapy. I don’t think that people can’t be trans without HRT, but in the back of my head perhaps more that I cannot. This is something I’m trying to address before I make any real life-altering decisions - I’m really just looking to store my sperm for right now to prepare for any potential fertility issues in the future. As for HRT, I’ve been considering it for a while now, almost as long as the timescale I illustrated. The risks do intimidate me a bit, but I’m in the stages of consulting with doctors for the first time as to those potential risks for me personally. I feel like what I gained from my realization is that I really wasted a lot of time not being myself (though there were external factors at play), and the rest is just a jumble of thoughts that have been going through my head. I don’t know that you’d necessarily want to, because it seems like you have your worries too; but, to put it bluntly, it fucking sucks that you don’t at least have the option of HRT, and I must apologize as I do not intend to demean your struggle with my spur of the moment thoughts working out my bullshit in therapy.
I would be super appreciative if you could share any resources you have! I’ve been wanting to look into HRT alternatives, but it’s hard to tell what works and what’s hokey.
I felt that I was pretty clear that the current political landscape was one of my main concerns with starting HRT. The dependency on any system really is a terrifying thing at its core. I don’t need HRT right now, I’m starting to socially transition as much as I can. Part of why I’ve even continued on this journey despite my fear in the first place is that I think now is the time to be out more than ever. The thought of a total anti-trans political regime is scary, but I think I’d feel safer in terms of starting HRT later this year or early next year if we get the more progressive candidate. Part of me thinks that socially out or medically out, you’re a bit fucked if Trump gets elected anyway as well, but I am waiting specifically to see a bit more how this plays out.
Resources are few and far between. It often involves taking inspiration from other cultures.
South Asian cultures have kept some of their older gender diverse traditions. Hijras and Metis are rebounding after colonial oppression.
Native American tribes have a wide variety of gender diverse identities, often grouped under the 2-spirit label. Details about them are difficult to find, as they are often guarded against white people who have a history of sexualizing, “studying”, or otherwise objectifying facets of Native American culture.
The Talmud (Jewish holy book for training Rabbis) lists eight genders, four of which are trans. In Aramaic times, the Jews thought it important for their spiritual leaders to understand and accept gender diverse members of their communities. More about “how to accept them if you’re their rabbi” than about “how to live as one yourself”.
What these examples have in common is community/cultural support for the specific practices. It’s a lot easier to do in the context of an understanding community and with a group of like-minded people working together to find tactics to fit in within that cultural context. Would be nice.
Pagan European mythology also has a lot of examples of gender diverse and transgender expressions. These are sometimes quite fantastical and not always helpful for daily life in today’s world.
Strategies like orchiectomies can reduce testosterone, and have been practiced across the world since prehistory. Anecdotally, overmasturbation can achieve similar results, if only temporarily. Just keep going until it starts to hurt a little and won’t get hard for a few days and enjoy being clear headed. Kind of a time commitment, though, and you maybe can hurt yourself (??? I’m not a doctor). Bottom surgery is permanent and doesn’t make you dependent on the medical system: it’s one-and-done. It’s an ancient practice, with examples dating back to some of the earliest written records, including of folks who just take matters into their own hands (mad respect).
I wish I knew of more. A larger community seeking non-pharmaceutical solutions would be more effective at finding solutions than me as an individual. I’m not fully satisfied with my own solutions, and I’m in a phase where I’m trying to adjust them. In another year and a half or so I’ll have a chance at reliable healthcare that isn’t dependent on an employer that has actively interfered with my journey and has expressed and exercised interest in blocking progress when I’ve gone to the “company store” joke of a medical center. Tying healthcare to employment is a broken and inhuman system.
Sorry if this is getting kind of dark. Solutions are only as good as the cultural context that might support them. You clearly understand that already in the context of your own thought process behind choosing whether or not to go forward with HRT.