For context, I’ve been on the fence about going on HRT.
During my therapy session today, I was talking about some of the fears I have about going on HRT. Up until now, I’ve been trying to ease myself into transitioning because I do have my doubts and I don’t want to rush into the wrong decision.
I’ve been “crossdressing” (what does one call this if they think they’re trans?) on and off for a while now, and I’ve been in therapy about dysphoria for a few months now, but HRT is still a big decision that I didn’t want to influence myself toward if I didn’t need it. I didn’t go by female pronouns, didn’t experiment with names, hesitated to call myself trans until I soul searched a bit more and knew. I think that’s partially due to fear of being ostracized by my family or affected by the horrible legislation attempting to go around in America right now, or really just rushing into something big like that in general.
Lately, I’ve been leaning toward wanting to go on HRT. I’ve been searching for clinics to freeze my sperm and I’ve found a couple of sources for HRT, just to have everything sorted if I decide to start transitioning. Today, when I was going over my fears with my therapist, I just blurted out
“Fuck, if I had gone on HRT when I was 18 then I would just be a woman by now. Dammit.”
Right after I said that, I realized exactly what I had said and what emotions I was actually expressing. I think it took me forever to admit it but I definitely want HRT. I want to be a woman. I’m scared still, in many ways, but I think this is the path for me and I want to embrace all the joys and struggles which come alongside transitioning. So that said, I’d like to ask any of you girls on HRT, what were some unexpected trials and happy moments during the process?
I turn 23 this December, and it would be amazing if I could start HRT before then. It’s doable, I have to hunt down some good sperm banks first because I still want biological kids someday. My main fear right now (and I do apologize to you non-American Lemmy users that are sick of hearing about this) is this damnable upcoming election. I don’t believe that team Trump will go down quietly if Harris wins, but it would ease my mind greatly if I knew I didn’t have to navigate my transition with a 2nd Trump administration breathing down my neck. How are you other American girls dealing with that? I’m almost at the point where I say fuck it all and live my life. So close…
but do I want to paint a target on myself?
Idk. Thanks for reading my thought spew, it helps to get it out in writing sometimes.
”crossdressing”
Dressing comfortably. Being yourself.
I would just be a woman by now
You are a woman.
I’m a decade older than you. None of the women in my family can take estrogen, even for birth control, due to clotting issues. I can’t speak to what HRT is like, I’m just here to say that it’s not for everyone and you don’t need it to be a girl. You already are a woman. Trans people have existed for all of human history. HRT is extremely recent. There are many valid ways to be trans.
Your language implies that you don’t think that a transition is valid without some high-tech medical/pharmaceutical intervention. This is not an uncommon view. Unfortunately, the historically traditional ways of transitioning have been systematically snuffed out by Abrahamic extremists over the past several centuries. I for one would love it if more of the trans community embraced reviving these traditional transition methods. I often feel very alone trying to explore alternative options because all of the other trans people jump straight to the drugs. I get it: it’s super easy and effective.
I don’t fully agree with your assessment of the political landscape. The major problem with HRT is that once you’re on it, you need it or else you’ll get bone issues and premature menopause. Unstable political landscapes mean that the health of many trans people can be seriously impacted by laws changing access to drugs. Being hooked on drugs makes you dependent on fragile healthcare systems that Trumpists have already demonstrated that they are willing to fuck with (look at Roe). There are other health impacts that should not be downplayed and which you should take seriously with your doctor. That said, HRT makes “passing” easier, which means you are less likely to be the victim of political violence, and it can make you a less obvious target for hate crimes.
If you choose to go on HRT, I’ll be jealous but happy for you. Don’t treat the decision as a necessary prerequisite to being a trans woman. If it’s right for you, and you’ve carefully made sure that you can live with the medical impacts and dependency on a crumbling healthcare system in an unstable political landscape, go for it.
Thank you for taking the time to respond! I really appreciate any advice and opinions I can get from trans people who have more experience being themselves.
Your language implies that you don’t think that a transition is valid without some high-tech medical/pharmaceutical intervention.
I do realize that I have some internalized transphobia, and that’s something I’m working through in therapy. I don’t think that people can’t be trans without HRT, but in the back of my head perhaps more that I cannot. This is something I’m trying to address before I make any real life-altering decisions - I’m really just looking to store my sperm for right now to prepare for any potential fertility issues in the future. As for HRT, I’ve been considering it for a while now, almost as long as the timescale I illustrated. The risks do intimidate me a bit, but I’m in the stages of consulting with doctors for the first time as to those potential risks for me personally. I feel like what I gained from my realization is that I really wasted a lot of time not being myself (though there were external factors at play), and the rest is just a jumble of thoughts that have been going through my head. I don’t know that you’d necessarily want to, because it seems like you have your worries too; but, to put it bluntly, it fucking sucks that you don’t at least have the option of HRT, and I must apologize as I do not intend to demean your struggle with my spur of the moment thoughts working out my bullshit in therapy.
I for one would love it if more of the trans community embraced reviving these traditional transition methods. I often feel very alone trying to explore alternative options because all of the other trans people jump straight to the drugs.
I would be super appreciative if you could share any resources you have! I’ve been wanting to look into HRT alternatives, but it’s hard to tell what works and what’s hokey.
The major problem with HRT is that once you’re on it, you need it or else you’ll get bone issues and premature menopause. Unstable political landscapes mean that the health of many trans people can be seriously impacted by laws changing access to drugs.
I felt that I was pretty clear that the current political landscape was one of my main concerns with starting HRT. The dependency on any system really is a terrifying thing at its core. I don’t need HRT right now, I’m starting to socially transition as much as I can. Part of why I’ve even continued on this journey despite my fear in the first place is that I think now is the time to be out more than ever. The thought of a total anti-trans political regime is scary, but I think I’d feel safer in terms of starting HRT later this year or early next year if we get the more progressive candidate. Part of me thinks that socially out or medically out, you’re a bit fucked if Trump gets elected anyway as well, but I am waiting specifically to see a bit more how this plays out.
Resources are few and far between. It often involves taking inspiration from other cultures.
South Asian cultures have kept some of their older gender diverse traditions. Hijras and Metis are rebounding after colonial oppression.
Native American tribes have a wide variety of gender diverse identities, often grouped under the 2-spirit label. Details about them are difficult to find, as they are often guarded against white people who have a history of sexualizing, “studying”, or otherwise objectifying facets of Native American culture.
The Talmud (Jewish holy book for training Rabbis) lists eight genders, four of which are trans. In Aramaic times, the Jews thought it important for their spiritual leaders to understand and accept gender diverse members of their communities. More about “how to accept them if you’re their rabbi” than about “how to live as one yourself”.
What these examples have in common is community/cultural support for the specific practices. It’s a lot easier to do in the context of an understanding community and with a group of like-minded people working together to find tactics to fit in within that cultural context. Would be nice.
Pagan European mythology also has a lot of examples of gender diverse and transgender expressions. These are sometimes quite fantastical and not always helpful for daily life in today’s world.
Strategies like orchiectomies can reduce testosterone, and have been practiced across the world since prehistory. Anecdotally, overmasturbation can achieve similar results, if only temporarily. Just keep going until it starts to hurt a little and won’t get hard for a few days and enjoy being clear headed. Kind of a time commitment, though, and you maybe can hurt yourself (??? I’m not a doctor). Bottom surgery is permanent and doesn’t make you dependent on the medical system: it’s one-and-done. It’s an ancient practice, with examples dating back to some of the earliest written records, including of folks who just take matters into their own hands (mad respect).
I wish I knew of more. A larger community seeking non-pharmaceutical solutions would be more effective at finding solutions than me as an individual. I’m not fully satisfied with my own solutions, and I’m in a phase where I’m trying to adjust them. In another year and a half or so I’ll have a chance at reliable healthcare that isn’t dependent on an employer that has actively interfered with my journey and has expressed and exercised interest in blocking progress when I’ve gone to the “company store” joke of a medical center. Tying healthcare to employment is a broken and inhuman system.
Sorry if this is getting kind of dark. Solutions are only as good as the cultural context that might support them. You clearly understand that already in the context of your own thought process behind choosing whether or not to go forward with HRT.
The major problem with HRT is that once you’re on it, you need it or else you’ll get bone issues and premature menopause. Unstable political landscapes mean that the health of many trans people can be seriously impacted by laws changing access to drugs. Being hooked on drugs makes you dependent on fragile healthcare systems that Trumpists have already demonstrated that they are willing to fuck with (look at Roe).
I understand the sentiment, and I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like living in the hellscape y’all find yourselves in, but I really need to stop you there. This is dangerous misinformation to be spreading, for several reasons. First off, many people go on HRT to get specific effects and then stop taking it. It’s not physically addictive, you can’t be “hooked” on it. Yes there can be health effects, like bone density issues, but those generally only affect those who can’t make their own testosterone anymore thanks to surgeries. As for early menopause, I honestly cannot fathom what you mean by this? If you’re talking about the associated side-effects, well yes, those are caused by testosterone being more prominent in the mix once estrogen production drops off. But those are things we’ve mostly all already experienced during puberty.
Secondly, no one needs to rely on fragile health systems for their HRT. It’s both safe and easy to do HRT DIY. Just look at the “war on drugs” utter failure to control substances in any meaningful way.
This all feels like scare-mongering honestly. I think you really need to take a step back and assess before offering advice to people who are just starting to figure out their transition.
Thanks for the info. To be clear, I am also still figuring out my transition. Transitioning is a process that never ends and eats your whole life. It’s the decision to become who you want to be. It’s an expression of the fundamental right to define yourself.
My understanding is that I’m not spreading misinformation. My understanding is that some of what you are saying is misinformation. I would like to get to the bottom of this, which is why I’m engaging and trying to do it respectfully.
Bone density issues and menopause go hand in hand, and are caused by a drop in estrogen levels during menopause. The solution? Take estrogen pills (the original HRT). Testosterone doesn’t factor into this picture. Source: https://www.endocrine.org/patient-engagement/endocrine-library/menopause-and-bone-loss
Your information does not match up with anything I can find from real medical sources. I find it to be dangerous misinformation because it downplays real issues and dangers of recent and barely-proven medical technologies that are only 50-70 years old depending on how you measure.
Please be careful and evaluate your understanding before spreading misinformation. I know we all want a magical and flawless transition route via the promise of high-tech modern medicine. This is a bias that needs to be confronted to make sure we only encourage people to take actions based on reality.
Okay, now I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt here that you aren’t a troll. Stopping HRT is in no way analogous with menopause for anyone whose body can still produce testosterone. You will not have bone density issues unless you have had surgery, because your original testosterone levels re-assert themselves. As for the side-effects of menopause (and let’s please not forget that the main effect, the end of the menstrual cycle, does not affect us) like hair thinning/loss and facial hair growth, what would you suggest causes them other than testosterone having more of a chance to bind to sex hormone receptors? No, I will not find you the medical evidence, and if you ask for it then you definitely are a troll.
Transitioning is a process that never ends and eats your whole life.
I know we all want a magical and flawless transition route via the promise of high-tech modern medicine.
My transition was not magical or flawless, and I would not change a thing about that. In fact, I achieved my one transition goal. It was to want to kill myself less.
I’m starting my transition at 47 (in the US). I really don’t care what others say or think, because I’ve lied to myself my entire life as an effeminate guy and it never felt good. Something finally snapped in me in the past few months, so I dumped the vast majority of my guy clothes, shaved everything except my hair and eyebrows, painted my nails, got some jewelry, and you know what? I’m finally in love with myself and it feels so right. How could I have not seen it sooner? The dysphoria is almost gone, and I’m waiting on my next appointment in September for HRT.
Don’t be like me and wait for so long that you regret it. Own it. Make it yours, because it sure as hell isn’t anyone else’s! <3
I feel like I’m already regretting waiting… But, I don’t know if I can take more than baby steps in coming out. I’m really happy you’re all in on being yourself! Hope your HRT appointment goes well!
Congratulations, girly, and good luck on your journey!
I don’t think “crossdressing” is the correct term (tbh I think the entire concept is absurd but that’s aside from the point), a better term would either be experimentation or self-discovery. The goal is to find what makes you feel comfortable and if additional steps would be helpful. As for your last point I’m dealing with it by fleeing the county. I’m not saying you should as well but just in case things go bad you should have a backup plan.
Do you have any fleeing the country tips and tricks for beginners? Fully understand not discussing anything like that, but it is something I’d like to plan for but don’t know how. Thank you for the improved vocabulary, I come from a family that sees trans in a negative light, so I’m really just expanding my ability to describe my experiences in nonbiased ways.
Research what countries will let you in faster, if you have family elsewhere or ancestry in a country with right of return it helps.
Crossdressing has become an outdated and thoroughly wrong term now. It would be called gender nonconforming if you’re dressing/acting in a way that the gender you identify as usually isn’t allowed to, or if you’re trans some people say ‘boy moding’ or ‘girl moding’ (as in mode).
Though some people use gender nonconforming to mean “not confirming to gender at all” which I think is beautiful, its more understood usage however, is what I previously stated.
It’s funny because boy-moding feels like the real “cross-dressing” to me now. I’m not sure wearing women’s clothes ever felt that way for me, though I felt a lot of fear about wearing skirts and dresses, I didn’t really feel like I was being deceptive or shameful the way I feel when I try to dress to pass as a man.
I’ve been “crossdressing” (what does one call this if they think they’re trans?)
The terminology I’ve seen used is Real-Life Experience. It’s basically a trial period of presenting as your preferred gender to see if it feels more natural.
I don’t really have much advice except try to build an extensive support network, if you are able.
I recently started HRT in America, which took me 15 months to get. The first mistake I made was trying to get it through insurance, with them sending me the wrong info, offices that refused to set up an appointment and never called back, and doctors who retired before I could meet with them. That delayed things a year, when I finally went out of network with Planned Parenthood, and barely paid more than with insurance co-pays and parking fees.
The second issue I ran into was having my treatment put on hold for liver problems. I needed approval from my primary, but despite knowing the referrals take months, they demanded I go see a specialist. It didn’t matter that I showed research that said estradiol was a potential treatment for my issues or that they had no liability excuses to delay my care. At my 3 month follow-up, I managed to convince Planned Parenthood to approve my treatment, meaning my insurance did nothing but harm.
I live in one of the bluest states with fewer insurance issues than almost any other, yet this shit still fucked me. I’m not even lower class, yet that didn’t matter. Our healthcare system is that fucked. The saving grace is that we have somewhat affordable informed consent, but good luck if you have to deal with the insurance system. It’s less a trans healthcare issue and more of a problem with the whole system; rigged for the billionaires and hell for everyone else.
I think this depends on your providers and insurance. I’m also in the U.S., not in a blue state, and a vial of estradiol valerate for subq injections cost around $100 out of pocket and with insurance cost around $10.
I saw an endocrinologist that has other trans patients (there is basically only one in the city), and I just had to wait the 3 months before my first appointment. The next day after my endo appointment, I was able to pick up my vial, but I paid out of pocket for the first vial since insurance required pre-authorization to cover it and that hadn’t gone through yet (and I was desperate), but my next vial was covered by insurance.
The system immoral and rigged as you say, but your mileage may vary and each situation has to be evaluated in context.
