National security officials are used to shaking off absurd conspiracy theories, but the latest rumor that’s gripped MAGA world just hits different.
The claims by Fox News and far-right influencers that pop star Taylor Swift is part of a Pentagon “psychological operation” to get President Joe Biden reelected, and somehow rig the Super Bowl to benefit Kansas City Chiefs tight end (and Swift’s boyfriend) Travis Kelce, has been met with forehead slaps in the national security world.
“The absurdity of it all boggles the mind,” said one senior administration official, granted anonymity because they were not authorized to comment publicly on the matter. “It feels like one of those ‘tell me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist, without telling me you are a MAGA conspiracy theorist’ memes.”
MAGA crowd, what you have just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
That Billy Madison quote applies well here.
It should be set to music and become anthemic for them (or us i guess 🤣)
If we’re being super loose with it (and “we” are) you could literally use the opening theme for Billy Madison and it could sort of work out lol
How amazing would it be if they could get Biden or Dems in one chamber to say this to their repub terrorists?
That Billy Madison quote applies well to pretty much anything conservatives say.
One might even say,
You could’ve just said incorrect…
These people just can’t handle anything, just anything, not being exactly as they like it, and if it isn’t, it has to be some sort of conspiracy.
That’s my dad. Trump is a god to him, and anything negative said about him is a liberal plot to stop him from his patriotic duty. The cognitive dissonance that man shows is baffling!
My stepfather is like that. I even tried to use his own logic to help him see most of these conspiracies are dumb; “you said yourself that the gov’t is incompetent. So how can they pull off a conspiracy at this scale if they can’t run the country?” - stuff like that.
It doesn’t matter, he’s fully drank the Kool-Aid, so I just keep him at arm’s distance now.
Rules of fascism
#3: “Action being beautiful in itself, it must be taken before, or without, any previous reflection. Thinking is a form of emasculation.”
#4: Disagreement is treason.
#8: The enemy is both strong and weak.
Thank goodness my Dad never went down that path, but honestly if he did I might just punch him straight in the face.
Violence is bad and you should rethink your attitude towards people on the Kool-Aid. Anyway go ahead and explain me the paradox of intolerance like I haven’t seen it a thousand times, I don’t care.
I need to advise you sir that your half-arsed attempt at virtuous shaming has utterly failed. Please return to your seat
“Violence is bad” is pretty basic stuff mate
Childishly so.
That’s so sad
Yeah. We no longer talk. I had to block him from calling/emailing me.
I had to block my dad’s emails for awhile. I just couldn’t believe they just kept coming and coming. And while trying to be a good son and available should he need me, I just had to risk going no contact for awhile. Now I basically gray rock everything. 🫤
Gray rock?
“Gray rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic people may use to deal with abusive or manipulative behavior. It involves becoming as uninteresting and unengaged as possible so that the other person loses interest.
Some people anecdotally report that it reduces conflict and abuse.”
Guys the best quarterback in the league made it to the superbowl again, it’s a conspiracy against us. No other way to explain this.
Also some of them say, “the 49ers need to win to save the country”…but like the big conspiracy is that Taylor is supposed to make a half-time endorsement of Joe Biden… So like, how would either team eventually winning the game have any impact on the half-time show?
And now that there’s a denial, from a “senior administration official,” it’s proof-positive of a vast conspiracy. “Why would they deny something that’s not real?”
xD
Why would they deny something that’s not real, indeed.
God damn.
At this point it almost seems like more than that. It’s like they need to manufacture some outrage to keep everyone angry about something.
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Remember, a lot of young conservative men were convinced Taylor Swift was a white nationalist who posted with them on 4chan.
When she started telling people to go vote (she didnt even say for a specific party, but just telling people to vote is enough to convince them you’re a democrat) they took that as Taylor Swift betraying them.
So much of what conservatives engage with is completely made up and exists only inside their own heads.
These are some of the same rocket surgeons that believe(d) that Hillary was using a pizza parlor with no basement to run an international pedo ring out of the basement of the pizza parlor.
Not really known for their application of reason and logic.
I mean, those same young conservative men are convinced that Taylor Swift and Lorde both have nudes posted on 4chan, because of the “tits or gtfo” rule.
Note that the speculation has existed since Swift and Lorde were both like 16.
High voter turnout typically means Democrat victory, as the only people who make sure to vote EVERY election is the paranoid “Keepin’ up with the Jonesses” suburban America types
“They add that she’s not, in fact, part of a psychological operation to sway voters to Joe Biden.”
MAGA - “Yeah, but that’s just what they WOULD SAY! THIS PROVES IT!!!”
This is completely sarcastic but it’s so, so, SO dumb that this is in fact the sentiments of the ppl on the new the_donald website. Smh
The Qtards should be treated like Al Qaeda or ISIL operating in the United States. All their communications should be monitored. They should be infiltrated and any time one of them make threats or start making plans to do anything illegal, as many as possible are arrested, locked up and embroiled in the justice system as much as possible - prison time, time in court, etc.
There are more incidents of them killing innocents over dumb conspiracies. Like that son and his dad being beheaded.
?
Some of them very likely are foreign intelligence operatives attempting to influence locally.
Or just declare them as the Clear And Present Danger that they are and treat them exactly how union labor was treated by the military and East Indian Fruit Company
Just count any retweet, thumbs up etc to the threats and you’ll round up thousands at a time I bet.
The FBI doesn’t have jurisdiction in Russia tho
Why not just give them the Al Qaeda or ISIL treatment and send a drone to blow up their house?
Some would say “what about innocent bystanders in the house?” but the chances of others in the household not being exactly the same are miniscule
I love that the Pentagon is referring to dank memes.
Reality really is stranger than fiction.
I’d bet the Pentagon has a huge presence on all fringe forums and memeboards.
Just think of all the tax dollars wasted paying law enforcement to surf 4chan… It’s funny because you know that’s a real job…
I don’t think it’s a waste of money. There’s plenty of pedophiles sharing CSAM on 4chan and probably a terrorist or two as well.
Yeah, at least 4chan pretends to moderate posts these days. Back when it first started, it was the fucking Wild West of the internet. You’d be scrolling, and see naked 13 year olds getting pounded by sweaty old dudes with their faces blacked out, right below terrorist beheading videos and memes about triforcing. It was like if LimeWire had a stream of consciousness.
Loved those triforce threads man.
I mean, people who grew up on the internet can get up in high-ranking positions too, especially as we all get older.
America wtf
Fuck if I know dude. I thought we had hit a low with bush. Then we went and elected a black man and holy ever living fuck did that break right-wing people. Just absolutely broke their fragile little minds and here we are.
You guys need to elect a black man with a heavy inner-city accent who enacts serious change so you can break them all the way once and for all.
Or a black woman!
Fuck, if only! Or a gay black man who does drag as a hobby.
If they can negotiate on foreign policy and domestic policy, then they can work it.
Ru Paul would be a terrible president.
Disagree! Caffeine enema days could mean leaps and bounds in policy foreign and domestic!
He smokes cannabis daily as he pardons himself with every puff.
Also a furry
I was about to make a joke about President Camacho but then, I remembered, that fucker, that HORRIBLE PARODY OF A PRESIDENT, is so much better then what we got with Trump. Camacho saw some serious shit was going on and said ‘holy fuck lets let the smart guy fix this.’
He recognized and openly admitted to his own shortcomings.
Camacho/Not Sure 2024!
He gets my vote just for that bitchin trike
So glad I’m not American. I can view all this like a reality TV show.
Yeah but… ummm…you’re on the OTHER end of all our guns. No one is safe from our craziness.
Britain is effectively the 51st state so we’re always behind your guns. :p
As a half Brit half American, Britain really hasn’t been really pulling many Ws recently either
Doesn’t stop me being able to laugh at America. If you’re half British you should know one of our defining traits is self-deprecation. Britains Ls are eternal and everlasting and I will laugh at them all. But Americas - oh fuck yeah. They gimme a hearty laugh too!
How does someone be half American? Where do you pledge your allegiance?
I pledge my allegience to queen Frang and her mighty state of Hysteria
Do you drink tea or throw it in your nearest harbour?
Say “colour”…
It’s paradoxical, I throw the tea and it just spins in place in mid air
Also it’s obviously spelled C̴͉͎̘̱͙̙̣̱̜̲̖̎̂̋̔ȍ̶̻͕̬̞̰̫̙̩̯̤̳́͊̒̚͜ͅl̷̨̹̺̳͔͉͇͎̻̐̐͌̽̾̀̉͐̈́̆͗̎̚̕œ̸̢͉̜̽͛̅̚ư̸̪͍̂͐̀̀̍r̶͈̮̲͉̀̓̏̋̈́͑̌̔̽͊́͘͝͠
From which of the countries of great Britain ? 🧐
Until it reaches you in the form of a global economy collapse.
Of course, China could be the savior, but would that really be a win?
Why would I care about Chinese hegemony? Sinophobia is more of a Yank fear. I really couldn’t give a shit.
You should. We all need an at least semi-democratic country at the top. We need the non-democratic authoritarian kind of governance to be seen to fail. Again. If American fail, we need Europe to start punching it’s weight even more. And unfortunately the crazy right (no doubt helped by enemies of freedom) is on the rise across Europe. Least in Britain, it looks like the nightmare might be over this election. It will take years to undo the economic and social damage they have done though.
Edit: English
enemies of freedom
Oh dear. :/
Fine, I’ll be explicit. Russia, China, etc. The authoritarian powers. They do want success democratic countries as it gives their citizens ideas.
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Except if the Cheeto Benito starts some shit somewhere in the world due to his excellent diplomatic skills god forbid he gets elected again, pretty sure we are all in the shitter.
Yeah, except most reality TV is 99% made-up bullshit that just impacts nothing outside the “participants” and water cooler gossip.
Except Love on the Spectrum. Thats just wholesome AF.
until we drag the whole western world into a real fucking shit show. lets not forget how close tony blair and george w bush were when it came to handling iraq
40 years of crippled public education and a media landscape owned by the wealthy elites that use it to push anything to distract us from the fact that our greatest enemy are billionaires.
Are you even surprised by us anymore
shaking off
Heh
Imagine how they were rolling around the newsroom off of that zinger
I’ve worked in the newsroom. And yeah, they do love a pun more than is healthy…
They didn’t even make it to the end of the headline before including one.
I am surrounded by dipshits in this country…
I’ve always known maga people are dumber than shit, but now they’re just running the world’s worst D&D session online and on Fox.
This looks like a job for a gazebo.
I’m gripped by a strong urge to start anonymously sending some Taylor Swift / KC Chiefs merchandise to family members and acquaintances who have been guzzling the red-hat Flavor Aid for the last decade. It’s probably not the most productive use of time and money but this whole thing is just goddamn ridiculous.
There’s probably a Taylor Swift email notification service for upcoming concerts and such that you could sign them up for.
Free, and guaranteed to stir up the Trumpanzees in your life without putting a target on your own back.
Anonymous remailers exist, I’d just have to ship it to them in a package they could open and reseal before sending it on. There are some other rules involved as well, turns out there’s some risk of those being used for less than savory purposes.
Dark Brandon gives their supersolders the hardest battles.
Agencies has so many stories and gossips of coups, secret weapons and psychological experiments like MK-ULTRA, and they used Taylor telling people to vote as their psy-op?
Big scary government that can hear every your word and can even say them for you, can track and kill you at any time - uses a pop-star to make a point?
Who buys that bullshit? Is it, again, the weak but strong enemy? That’s a story even Onion wouldn’t publish.
Wait for it. Win or lose, once they realize how embarrassing this episode should be, it’ll become something that none of them actually believed and besides, it was all started by some lefty trying to make fun of them. The real conspiracy turns out to be (in hindsight with the benefit of selective memory and heavy retconning) a push to drive up merchandise sales. They’ll make a reference to globalists, lizard people and something about “controlling the media” without a specific J-word for plausible deniability.
You can’t say jewelery without a J-word, don’t you? They are stupid rich and are out to get you. Hide your kids, hide your wife, as they’d come to you to take them, and dance Hava Nagila over your cold dead body. Stupid leftists think I’m insane now, but who’d they ask to help, when jewish reptiloids would take their children and farm them for adenochrome? Not me, I’d shoot them on sight as any other trespasser. God bless America.
The tragedy of our age is that this could totally be posted in all seriousness.
We live in some form of post-reality where whatever our sci-fi visionaries said years ago as a precaution gets picked as an instruction to action. I hate that, and I’m happy someone picked it without a cowardly added s/.
I’m in my mid-40’s and i cannot recall a time when this wouldn’t have been the case.
And hide yo husband cuz they rapin’ everyone out here
This way they get to hate a beautiful woman who would never fuck them
I mean, if agencies theoretically wanted more dem votes, there are worse ways than getting a mega superstar to ask her fans for them. But if they were in the business of controlling US elections we probably wouldn’t have the entirety of the shitshow that is existence right now.
I’m waiting for one of them to call for a protest of the 2024 election because it’s rigged, convincing thousands of MAGA to not vote. We’re nearly there…
Be the change you want to see in the world.
Nah fuck em. Let them freak out. Fucking moron shitcunts.
“Shitcunts”… I may steal this. 😂
MAGA world to Pentagon: la la la la la la la la la neener neener neeeeeener la la la la
