Forgive me, I’ve tried polyamory but I don’t quite know what counts as “cheating” when the relationship is opened like this.
So my sister (14) “Liz” went out with “Asher” (16) for like a week. Asher was always very giggly, flirty, and romantic with Liz and would find couple songs and say “That’s us!”. My sister seemed very happy with her new boyfriend.
Asher turned out to have a boyfriend he had been dating for a year before Liz. Liz knew about the boyfriend, but since he said “I’m poly and in an open relationship”, we all assumed the boyfriend was okay with it.
Turns out, he wasn’t okay with it and Asher got into a relationship with Liz before telling “BF”. Then, afterwards, he said “Well I like “BF” first and I like him better than you so I’m breaking up with you.”
Maybe I’m too upset because she’s my sister, but kind of a jerk move there on his end.
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To be perfectly honest, I struggle to take a relationship between a 14 and a 16 year old seriously.
If you tell people you are in an open/poly relationship, but your partner doesn’t know about that, you are not in an open/poly relationship; you are just a lying, cheating asshole.
Real poly relationships have a bad reputation mostly because of people like that.
There are lots of people that have been pressured or coerced into poly relationships too (in regards to the bad rep, I mean). “Polybombing” I think that’s called?
But thats just shitheads being shitheads. Some people will use any avenue available to them. Despite that, and while I am not the type for it, I do love and respect a number of people who are polyamorous and do think the concept is beautiful. That is, in a way that I find unaccessible and ill-suited to my personal needs, but beautiful no less. At least two of those people have even made it work too lol
Liz wasn’t cheated on, but definitely got the better end of this deal by no longer being with Asher. She’ll see that in time. Asher cheated on the BF full stop, it’s a good lesson in what liars will do to get what they want at others expenses.
They are kids. I wouldn’t spend time dissecting. It’s a learning experience for your sister
AFAIK, the important thing in polyamory is consent. It looks like the boyfriend didn’t consent, so that seems to be a form of cheating, though it’s possible that it’s an honest mistake - maybe it hasn’t been properly established that they have to tell each other first when they want to date someone new. Though it’s also possible that the relationship wasn’t actually open in the first place, or just not in the way “Asher” said it was.
Bit hard to say who was cheated on without knowing all the facts. Though either way, “Asher” definitely has to figure his shit out before starting to go out with someone.
asher is a cheater, imho. liz was, sadly, just a side and BF was the main.
Absolute jerk move. He lied to your sister saying he was in a open relationship at this point she should have dumb his ass. I hope his BF will get out of this relationship too.
It’s cheating, yes, but it’s also childish behaviour. I tend to guess 30/70 even.
All of them have yet to do some growing up.
