• WanderWisley@lemmy.world
    189·
    2 个月前

    I’m a 42 year old man with a cat and still single due to living in a very rural republican area and all women here are hardcore Trump fans so I’ll just stay single and spend time with my cat.

  • First_Thunder@lemmy.zip
    74·
    2 个月前

    I mean, ya gotta be careful. Are they conservative because they are lonely, or are they lonely because they are conservative

    • LOGIC💣@lemmy.world
      81·
      2 个月前

      I suspect that women aren’t dating conservative men, not because they want to punish them, but because they would personally rather not date a horrible person.

      It’s a pretty bad spiral. Lonely men develop more extremist views, which makes them less attractive to women, which makes them lonelier, and they get even more extremist views, etc.

      Like, if you lined all of the single men up who vote against women’s rights, and asked an equal number of women to sacrifice their own happiness to date them, a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human. But who is going to give up their own happiness to fix some broken asshole stranger? Very few people.

      • CitizenKong@lemmy.world
        41·
        2 个月前

        You can’t put that on the women. Men have got to get their shit together. Just show a bit of empathy, bro! It’s not that hard, humans are literally wired for it. It’s just that capitalism is reinforcing humankind’s worst impulses.

        • WanderingThoughts@europe.pub
          18·
          2 个月前

          There is a whole industries to radicalize men. They try to get them hooked with “women don’t want to date me” and get them on the social media conveyor belt towards becoming a good right wing radical that’s immune to any logic.

          • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today
            3·
            2 个月前

            Pick up scenes, and now right wing grifters sole job is to gather as much conservative voters as possible to sustain conservative governments.

        • Junkers_Klunker@feddit.dk
          16·
          2 个月前

          Absolutely don’t put that on women, but it is a mental illness so you can’t ask them to get their shit together they need help.

            • SpaceShort@feddit.uk
              1·
              2 个月前

              I had a friend who was like that (and still is) but he refused to see his problem, to get therapy, and also kept insisting I help him with various things that I couldn’t help with or that he could do himself. It’s easier to not be friends with that guy than to fix the unfixable.

        • Zarathustra@lemmy.world
          11·
          2 个月前

          Men have got to get their shit together. Just show a bit of empathy, bro! It’s not that hard, humans are literally wired for it.

          There’s a concept from the autism community called the double empathy problem which posits that counter to the mainstream narrative that people with autism are lacking/missing empathy, autistic people do have empathy. The theory suggests that the brains of autistic individuals processes information and stimuli so dramatically differently from ‘neurotypical’ people that neurotypical people are typically unable to accurately understand what is going on in the neurodiverse mind and vice versa. It suggests that empathy seems to most easily work neurodiverse-to-neurodiverse and neurotypical-to-neurotypical which to me makes sense.

          Now there are certainly plenty of people in the modern world who seem unable to display any form of empathy, but this theory does highlight that empathy isn’t a binary and depends on your ability to understand the mind of another.

          There is no single way to be empathetic, and it is entirely possible that one person thinks they are being empathetic when in fact they are being antagonistic to the other. My point is that empathy can look different to different groups.

        • LOGIC💣@lemmy.world
          8·
          2 个月前

          You can’t put that on the women.

          I wasn’t putting it on the women. The idea that women can have personal preferences and prefer certain men over others is not “putting it on the women”. I think that sort of interpretation is dangerous thinking, the sort of thing a person would say if they saw themselves as an “incel”.

        • LeFrog@discuss.tchncs.de
          13·
          2 个月前

          Its called Internalised Misogyny

          Women who experience internalized misogyny may express it through minimizing the value of women, mistrusting women, and showing gender bias in favor of men. Women, after observing societal beliefs which demean the value and skills of women repeatedly, eventually internalize those misogynistic beliefs and apply them to themselves and other women.

        • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today
          1·
          2 个月前

          incels are probably looking in the wrong places for them, there is something for everyone. just not something that can be attainable for you, but attainable for someone else.

      • Chloé 🥕
        10·
        2 个月前

        a certain number of those horrible men would turn a corner and start to act like a human

        over here in Real World Land, what will happen is those women will get abused, physically and sexually

        these men have a violent hatred for women. they don’t need a girlfriend, they need therapy and, failing that, a life of imprisonment far from the people they’re a danger to

        • LOGIC💣@lemmy.world
          7·
          2 个月前

          over here in Real World Land, what will happen is those women will get abused, physically and sexually

          I wasn’t talking about that because it was an impossible hypothetical designed to show one aspect. Just the idea of forcing women to date men is abusive in itself. You don’t need to expound on the other consequences. It was already horrible, but I was making a point about something else.

          It’s like how people learn logic in elementary school. If I say, “Some birds are red,” that doesn’t imply that I’m saying, “No birds are blue”. I said, “A certain number” of those men would turn a corner. That doesn’t imply that “none” of those men would become abusive. In fact, conversely, the way that you’re saying it could be read that you’re saying “all” of those men would become abusive. I mean, that’s what you’re literally saying, but I’m sure you don’t mean it, because I think there is nobody who would actually believe that.

        • Tar_Alcaran@sh.itjust.works
          20·
          2 个月前

          There is absolutely a systemic pressure radicalizing these men. It’s always partly their fault, but nowhere near fully

          Remember that this process almost always happens before they turn 20, and usually to young teens

          • LOGIC💣@lemmy.world
            6·
            2 个月前

            Not just systemic, but intentional. People who want to recruit for Nazi groups will hang around and give advice on “incel” forums.

          • SL3wvmnas@discuss.tchncs.de
            1·
            2 个月前

            Systemic is a rather large verb usually describing something all encompassing. Last time I checked, TokTok, Telegram, YouTube et al were single applications on cellphones one could choose to enable/ disable.

            These are self inflicted wounds.

            I get where you are coming from and agree that attention-economy algorithms have a negative outcome on a societal level. Still these are self inflicted wounds. Men aren’t children. And its not only young men, or stupid men, I personally had to cut ties with retirement aged men who had worked their entire careers in academia and still fell for this shit.

            The divorced Dad to Fascism Pipeline is real, but it is on a platform that you have to expose yourself to.

            Sidenote: moving goalposts by changing the meaning of young men to unsupervised and undereducated teenagers is unhelpful.

      • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today
        1·
        2 个月前

        BUT, exceptions also occur, woman do date horrible men, if they are horrible themselves or they make some poor choices themselves. thats why incels have no excuse there something for everyone. they are just looking in the wrong place, looking for woman in areas that are more liberal of course they will have more resistance, or they are looking for woman that are only interested income/attractiveness maybes a little harder poc-wise.

    • NatakuNox@lemmy.world
      40·
      2 个月前

      There are a lot of progressive men that are lonely. I’d say, I fall under that category. And woof, dating as a progressive man ain’t no walk in the park.

      • peoplebeproblems@midwest.socialEnglish
        16·
        2 个月前

        Here I am going to be the distasteful contrarian progressive, but it’s because I’m desperately hoping people see that the difference isn’t dating.

        Because yes, you are right, as a single progressive man, dating is no walk in the park. Plenty of good reasons for this on the side of women.

        Are you lonely as termed by the actual problem of male loneliness? Do you have at least a couple of friends who you can get to lunch with? Do you have a brother, sister, cousin, parents, etc. nearby? Do you have someone to help you if you get sick? Do you have an active social group you feel included in?

        If the answer to them is no, then yes, definitely you are in the loneliness group. Sure, dating can help with it - but what happens if/when you break up: you don’t have the support there.

        I’m really worried about how people are continuing to separate and blame things that aren’t the root of problems on distractions.

        Like I get it. I’m there. I’m divorced, I’m coming to terms that I was in a 15 year abusive relationship, I’m hurt by her cheating on me twice, I’m hurt by her rejecting my joys and attempts at connecting and reconnecting, I miss the idea of being with her. It’s been over two years since I slept next to her, or anyone.

        She tried to isolate me. She love bombed me. She gaslit me. She threatened me.

        But I had a kid, I have my parents, my brother, several friends, a couple of regular groups I meet up with. I desperately want the love life I pretended to have. But if it weren’t for that support system in place, I would have killed myself two years ago.

        Instead I lost the weight that was actually killing me. I put muscle on where I’ve had none. There are physical features I cannot change that affect my physical attractiveness that I get that will impede my ability to date via apps.

        That’s how I was able to figure this all out. The fact that you are progressive means that you see the value in other people, and see the value in connection.

        There has been narratives pushed for decades to try and isolate us, gaslight us, and threaten us as humans. We need to put our oxygen mask on first before helping others.

        • NatakuNox@lemmy.world
          7·
          2 个月前

          I agree with a lot of what you said. But I’ll address things point by point.

          I have friends and family I spend time with. But when I say I’m lonely, it’s the kind that can’t be filled by friends and family. Additionally, all my friends and family are just as exhausted with the state of things. So our time isn’t quality time because damn near everyone is financially stretched, social energy depleted, and working none stop to keep a roof over our heads.

          Yes, I’m active and all that jazz. If I spend anymore time at the state parks they’ll probably name one after me.

          My main issue is the commoditficaion of everything. Even dating seems to be more about money then actually getting to know the person across from you. (Yes not all women) I’ve date several different kinds of women (bbw, curvy, nonconventionally attractive women, and trans women) and the main issue is we both were more trauma bounding because of the grind and not actually getting to know each other.

          Absolutely, on putting the mask on yourself first. But as a Black American the everyday barriers leaves very little left after to heal and grow.

  • AllNewTypeFace@leminal.space
    46·
    2 个月前

    Authoritarians are probably less likely to keep cats, either because they’re not obedient/useful or because keeping cats is coded as feminine and thus contemptible.

    • applebuschEnglish
      8·
      2 个月前

      Cats are lessons in consent and authoritarians hate consent.

  • peregrin5@piefed.socialEnglish
    41·
    2 个月前

    if every conservative woman hitched with every conservative man they would be 84% in a relationship.

    but many conservative men are unpalatable even to conservative women

    • AllHailTheSheep@sh.itjust.works
      43·
      2 个月前

      it’s almost like being conservative comes with almost inherent traits that make someone undesirable as a partner. lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity…

      there’s a reason many conservatives in dating apps hide their beliefs. they know its a red flag for many more things than their “politics”.

      • ChickenLadyLovesLife@lemmy.worldEnglish
        8·
        2 个月前

        lack of open mindedness, critical thinking, any form of emotional maturity…

        Wasting money on loud motorcycles and huge smoke-emitting trucks …

          • burntbacon@discuss.tchncs.de
            3·
            2 个月前

            That was one of the weirdest things about one partner I had. He just had to bring up how his purchase of a donald trump shaped wine bottle topper wasn’t him being in the maga cult. Like, dude, why the fuck would you have purchased it in the first place if not?

    • VinnyDaCat@lemmy.world
      23·
      2 个月前

      The last woman I dated before my current girlfriend was a conservative woman. I didn’t see any flags for it, she seemed really open minded, and was very well educated. Shame on me for being so blind I suppose.

      She turned out to have a husband and a young son. I’m not entirely sure what to believe since cheaters will say a lot of things, but she apparently hated her marriage a lot. She wouldn’t leave due to her beliefs though.

      • SkyeStarfall
        13·
        2 个月前

        She wouldn’t leave the marriage due to beliefs, but she would cheat, huh?

      • vithigar@lemmy.ca
        8·
        2 个月前

        The fact that she was cheating on her partner and lying to you is independent of the fact that she was conservative.

        …but I’m also not saying there isn’t a significant overlap in that Venn diagram.

    • Beesbeesbees@lemmy.world
      2·
      2 个月前

      So many of them don’t want to date conservative women. Like you can have a bio that explicitly says “no thanks conservatives” and they still try to slide in. Or hide it.

  • Vreyan31@reddthat.comEnglish
    29·
    2 个月前

    Meanwhile, all the progressive poly guys I know who have figured out how to deeply respect women have more partners than they really have time for. And quite a few of them are not “good looking” by any conventional standard (though some are).

    • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today
      9·
      2 个月前

      like one youtubers i used to follow, there are someone for everyone. even killers/serial killers have a partner of some sort, despite knowing that they are murderers. not good looking, but have a very fun or attractive personality. the common thing that steers people away, is being broke(although not always the case), hygiene and dressing well seems to be a major one.

      men with pets often gets attention too, it makes you look less creepy and more of a normal person and a potential parent.(thats why there are so many thirst traps of men(although they are already attractive) pet animal videos, like with the dodo.

      • Nico198X@europe.pub
        11·
        2 个月前

        That’s how I found my wife. She was very impressed with my love and care for the last living dodo, which I keep safe from extinction solely for selfish purposes.

      • Vreyan31@reddthat.comEnglish
        8·
        2 个月前

        Pardon, but it smacks of weird defensiveness that you feel the need to bring up that serial killers often have intimate partners as some kind of counterpoint to the fact that men who figure out how to respect women’s boundaries are highly sought as partners.

        Serial killers likely find partners by being manipulative and playing mind games - ie, being psychopaths.

        Clearly the evidence that men who respect women have major success fostering reliable and enjoyable relationships with them is somehow highly threatening to a lot of guys.

        Something has to immediately be said that instead says “but not respecting women also works.” Followed by crude red pill thinking - “And aren’t all women dumb bc some seem to like danger? And also, women are superficial, so pretend to like a puppy bc that works a lot.”

        I know media has taught men that masculinity is basically defined by being able to disrespect women and think of them as winnable objects but –

        Mentally healthy women aren’t falling for that shit. And you guys hate the baggage that the traumatized ones have who are insecure enough fall for that crap.

        You could give up the machismo to try… respect and growing into someone who could be happy?

  • Cyrus Draegur@lemmy.zipEnglish
    6·
    2 个月前

    A good chunk of these dudes are closeted self-hating homosexuals projecting and lashing out so they aren’t even TRULY motivated by lacking “a woman” except in which how much it frustrates them that they can’t feel an attachment toward these people whom they have been told are the trophy awarded for their hardships. Which is delusional and stupid of course.

    Obviously it’s not a bad thing that they’re gay; it sucks that they hate themselves and feel motivated to balance it by pretending that those aspects of themselves which they hate are things for which they hate others harder. If they didn’t hate so much, maybe they’d have a shot at being happy.

    Oh well. They live in a hell of their own creation. Serves them right.

  • notsure@fedia.io
    5·
    2 个月前

    human beings have self-segregated into male/female as opposed to humans that can birth and humans that can’t…it seems that is where the issue lies…

      • notsure@fedia.io
        4·
        2 个月前

        …i thought my words were clear and indicative, what part do you not understand?..

        edit: spelling

        • Zarathustra@lemmy.world
          20·
          2 个月前

          I can’t tell whether you’re being tautologically absurd or whether you believe there’s some important distinction there that you’re just not sharing with us.

          • notsure@fedia.io
            2·
            2 个月前

            i still don’t get what you don’t understand? human beings have moved well beyond the need for male/female, yet here we are instead of dealing with human beings as a whole, and some can produce babies and some cannot, the fact that we even talk about it moves the human being beyond animalistic or even biologic. Men did this to themselves by continuing to be ‘men’ and not just being human…clearer?

            • Zarathustra@lemmy.world
              15·
              2 个月前

              Whilst I admire your desire to desire to remove the barriers between people there are still differences between the sexes, both biological and socially enforced (by both men and women).

              Men did this to themselves by continuing to be ‘men’ and not just being human…clearer?

              For someone who claims to want to treat people as ‘humans’ instead of men and women, that’s a pretty hypocritical statement to make. Men are supposedly bad for not transcending their ‘male’ group identitity and becoming gender-less humans - but you’re okay with denigrating them based on their group identity?

              Men do not exist in a vacuum and you’ve fallen in to the classic trap of blaming them for the society in which they find themselves.

              • notsure@fedia.io
                2·
                2 个月前

                men do not exist, humans who can birth and humans who cannot…you’re argument falls flat because “men” choose to be men, not just humans with masculine characteristics…

                • rockerface🇺🇦@lemmy.cafeEnglish
                  8·
                  2 个月前

                  So every child is a man until they hit puberty, noted. And after menopause, every woman is automatically turned into a man.

                  Can we stop relating people’s identities to what’s happening between their legs?

                • TʜᴇʀᴀᴘʏGⒶʀʏ⁽ᵗʰᵉʸ‘ᵗʰᵉᵐ⁾
                  3·
                  2 个月前

                  I’m all for abolishing gender, and I firmly believe that gender is a social construct, but that doesn’t mean gender is a choice (at least currently), nor does it mean that genders/men don’t exist.

                  Just because you and I feel that gender is useless to us (and arguably to society) doesn’t mean others have to feel the same way. Gender is oppressive, but it doesn’t have to be

                  What it means to be “a man” is not the same as all the toxic bullshit currently associated with being a man. Trans men should be allowed to identify as men without it also meaning that they’re bad people.

      • Tollana1234567@lemmy.today
        1·
        2 个月前

        he means women should be giving birth and accepting men as they are, even shitty ones. the comment does sound very mysogynistic.