It would be way better to not have society be going through a moral panic about trans people at the same time I’m coming to terms with my trans-ness. I feel like I’d have to struggle with self-acceptance a lot less if I didn’t know that a large percentage of society hates me without knowing a thing about me. I don’t want to have to change out of my girl clothes or take off my makeup because I need to take my dog for a walk around the apartment complex, and I don’t know how my neighbors would treat a visibly trans person. I don’t want to have to worry about when the incongruity between my appearance and my passport is going to become a problem. (Setting aside that now for all my gender markers across documents to match, I can’t change any of them, and they’ll have to stay wrong). I don’t want to have to worry about losing friends or family or my job because I come out to them. I just want to live life being fully myself - what’s so wrong with that?
It’s probably helpful to remember that the political scapegoating isn’t personal, nothing is wrong with you wanting to live fully as yourself anymore than there is anything wrong with Jewish people living, or gay folks, etc. - we are victimized not because there is any wrong about us, but because it is politically useful.
Stay safe but stay focused on your well-being. Learning to pass is a useful skill, not just for safety but for reducing dysphoria - it sounds crazy but sometimes makeup literally helped me recover from difficult suicidal thoughts.
Focus on the practical, helpful things you can do - what is within your control now. Keep going in the right direction, and don’t obsess about things you can’t control. As far as I can tell, that’s part of how we can reduce unnecessary suffering.
But I’m so good at obsessing over things I can’t control!
You’re right though, I just need to keep my head down, be around people I can trust, and keep making progress bit by bit
I am too, tbh - it’s natural I think for us to worry and anticipate things that might go wrong. And to be fair, it’s good to some extent to be able to anticipate and plan - but any obsessing beyond that is not only unhelpful, but overwhelming and even harmful.
I hope you’re able to re-orient around trans joy and euphoria - it does exist, I promise, even as the world around us burns. Remember that just a few decades ago, things were much worse for trans folks in this country, and we will survive worse. Help yourself survive by focusing on your own happiness and well-being. Love yourself, and take care of yourself 🥰