• TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works
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    1 day ago

    Stop dropping your phone on the fucking train

    Every morning I clock into work, and 12 hours later I clock out covered in jizz because someone dropped their phone while looking at porn and turned the whole trip into a goddamn gangbang. I can’t take it anymore. I’m literally knee deep in spunk by the end of the day, because all you motherfuckers are apparently lubing up your hands and can’t get a grip. We’ve all had to start wearing blindfolds when we exit the front so we don’t accidentally get a peak and start furiously cranking our cocks to “thugposts” or “femboys” or whatever the newest horny fad is.

    For the love of god, stop dropping your phone on the fucking train.

    • Evil_Shrubbery@lemm.ee
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      18 hours ago

      The worst part is when someone triggers the emergency brakes at high speed and all the cum gets forced to the front of the train - that is when the laser-like leaks of highly pressurised cum cut down everything in a 1km radius.

      • musubibreakfast@lemm.ee
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        15 hours ago

        My wife died from high velocity cum. I’m holding a silent vigil tonight, you’re welcome to come. Masturbation is allowed but only when silent and discrete.

          • musubibreakfast@lemm.ee
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            7 hours ago

            I wish I could but we couldn’t recover the body, the cum left earth’s atmosphere with my wife’s body attached. A panel of scientists told me her limp lifeless body is currently being pulled towards the the outer edges of the known universe, hence the vigil.