That was pretty much the end of the pixeltree sex arc. Shortly after that I discovered my anal fissure was in fact a herpes outbreak, despite the only person who’s had contact with my ass testing negative (He only ate it too, I’ve never been penetrated =/ ). It completely wrecked my ability to toy and really fucked me up long term physically and mentally. I think I caught it from the most awkward hookup I’ve ever had, I thought it was going to be a date and he was worried I was a serial killer and thinking about it makes me want to disappear. Definitely not comfortable finding new connections and the two I have moved to a different city a couple hours a way and also aren’t really interested anymore, because of transition and herpes, so that’s pretty much it for me. Which is fine, I’ve had my fun and now I’m ready to curl up and die.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. You can always find other people, so long as you keep looking. I wouldn’t write off a trans person with herpes, especially since more that half of everyone has it.
It’s no longer something I’m comfortable doing really, and I’m ok with that. Not comfortable having the “oh btw I have herpes are you ok with that” convo, not comfortable risking giving it to someone else anyways because of how much it fucked me up, not comfortable because I’m afraid of getting something worse, not comfortable because intimacy breaks the unfeeling functioning shell and sends me spiraling into a full depressive crash. I’ve accepted it for what it is and can let it go.
That was pretty much the end of the pixeltree sex arc. Shortly after that I discovered my anal fissure was in fact a herpes outbreak, despite the only person who’s had contact with my ass testing negative (He only ate it too, I’ve never been penetrated =/ ). It completely wrecked my ability to toy and really fucked me up long term physically and mentally. I think I caught it from the most awkward hookup I’ve ever had, I thought it was going to be a date and he was worried I was a serial killer and thinking about it makes me want to disappear. Definitely not comfortable finding new connections and the two I have moved to a different city a couple hours a way and also aren’t really interested anymore, because of transition and herpes, so that’s pretty much it for me. Which is fine, I’ve had my fun and now I’m ready to curl up and die.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. You can always find other people, so long as you keep looking. I wouldn’t write off a trans person with herpes, especially since more that half of everyone has it.
It’s no longer something I’m comfortable doing really, and I’m ok with that. Not comfortable having the “oh btw I have herpes are you ok with that” convo, not comfortable risking giving it to someone else anyways because of how much it fucked me up, not comfortable because I’m afraid of getting something worse, not comfortable because intimacy breaks the unfeeling functioning shell and sends me spiraling into a full depressive crash. I’ve accepted it for what it is and can let it go.