It’s no longer something I’m comfortable doing really, and I’m ok with that. Not comfortable having the “oh btw I have herpes are you ok with that” convo, not comfortable risking giving it to someone else anyways because of how much it fucked me up, not comfortable because I’m afraid of getting something worse, not comfortable because intimacy breaks the unfeeling functioning shell and sends me spiraling into a full depressive crash. I’ve accepted it for what it is and can let it go.