I was perplexed by the question. What’s the difference? They explained: “Should I tiptoe and watch my manners around you or be blunt? Flirtatious or chill? Brag about my sexual conquests or talk about our feelings? When you’re sad, do I hug you and buy you ice cream or do we go grab some beers? Should I wonder if we’ll ever hook up?”
I’m not sure if I’m more appalled or confused by this mindset. I thought everyone treated their friends the same regardless of their gender identity. Is this just a fringe case of toxic masculinity, or is this really how the average cis person sees the world?
As a cis guy, this strikes me as exactly the opposite of toxic masculinity: he’s trying to respect your preferences as to how you want to be treated, and in order to do that he has to know what they are first.
(I suppose in the ideal world, there would be enough out trans folks around that cis people would learn how to interact correctly in childhood, but that’s not the case yet so we’ve all gotta learn somewhere.)
Also, you say in a comment that you thought he knew you because you hung out numerous times, but if he just found out you’re trans and/or just became comfortable enough to broach the subject to ask these questions, then he clearly didn’t know you as well as you think he did.