If it’s trauma, you’re a victim of a trauma and deserve compassion.
If it’s a disabilitating issue, it’s the disabilitating issue that you need compassion about
If it’s depression it’s depression to be compassionate about
These are the things that deserve compassion.
Just not having shit to do because of a season wouldn’t be in that category. I know of people who are happy to the point of satisfaction to not be doing anything with family for Christmas and perfectly happy to treat it as any other day. . And they don’t refer to themselves as unloveable or anything else as seen negative. I’ve even offered them a dinner and they are like ‘nup’ they already have food and just see it as any other night. So obviously they aren’t ‘hard done by’ and they aren’t feeling unloved. In fact it might be insulting to assume they are somehow unloved cuz their mind certainly didn’t go there.
I still wish them a non Christmas but I wouldn’t insult them by feeling sorry for them like they are somehow broken because of it.
And they’d say the same thing: save the compassion for those who really need the compassion. Go help in a soup kitchen if you’re in the giving or empathetic mood. Those are the people who need to be promoted to matter.
Taking pity on someone just not visiting someone else just cuz of a capitalist holiday while they still have food on the table and a roof over their head and perfectly content would be disengenuous and a waste of that energy. Also projecting Christmas holiday and personal ideals over someone’s lifestyle and well being which is unfair to do to others. Blind empathy isn’t empathy.
very few people? I agree with her basic point that a lot of people are alone on Xmas by choice or circumstances, but the idea that most people don’t have relatives or don’t do Xmas is a stretch
“very few people” references having an idealized life. not having much to do or people to see is only one way in which people’s lives may fall short of the ideal.
Or extreme PTSD from this shitty holiday from decades of neglect. As someone who is disabled because of PTSD and other things. I agree.
It fucking sucks that mentions of Christmas are literally inescapable on any social media.
Not to mention every single store or place you go to for 2 or more months straight
I don’t have that problem since I’m bedridden from illness but yeah that must suck.
Totally relatable I rarely go out and have to rest for a couple of days if not longer. I barley can do it and only real reason is because if I don’t I die from lack of basic necessities like food
Ok, so if those aren’t the reasons, then why am I unlovable?
Certified Armchair psychologist here.
Because you don’t love yourself.
And the dumb thing is that people pick up on that and reinforce it, mostly subconsciously but sometimes maliciously.
Just like any relationship, you have one with yourself and you need to maintain it in a healthy way.
And it’s hard to do that when you don’t have a good self esteem. Be indulgent with yourself, you will make some mistakes and it’s normal.
Do correct me, but doesn’t the conclusion “matter as much” here mean that they do not, in fact, matter?
Like, “Those who like pineapple on pizza, matter as much.”, is anti-barbarian, whereas “Those who like pineapple on pizza, matter just as much.” is more the hippie, peace and love sentiment.
“matter as much” has essentially the same meaning as “matter just as much”. It means the amount of ‘mattering’ is the same. If you “don’t matter as much” then it’s the opposite.
Shit, this just reminded me that I have to call my mother, as is tradition.
Godspeed. I did it as a mitzvah and it knocked the wind out of me and my soul in ways I couldn’t have imagined only 24 hours ago.
Lies and slander!
side query: why do her listed pronouns have only the nominative case? the accusative case (e.g., them, her, him) has been omitted.
is this a new trend?
I think it’s just a shorthand for the profile. I don’t think the full thing could fit in the username.
i hear what you’re saying but that doesn’t seem to be the (ahem) case.
if that were so, one would have chosen “she/ her” or “they/ them” – pairing each nominative with its accusative partner and still fitting well within this perceived word limit. one wouldn’t use two separate nominative case words in its place.
there has to be something deeper in this choice. not that it should be treated as sinister or anything; this choice should be just as deeply respected. i’m just curious as to the reasons behind it.
While originally the “/” stood for the cases (subject/object/possessive), it can also be interpreted as “either/or” so people just started using it for multiple pronouns, or even to list their pronouns in multiple languages. That’s all there is to it.
I use “they/she” pronouns professionally because it’s less stressful when people use the default pronouns with me if I say it’s ok.
I get a jolt of happy when people use “they” and a jolt of confusion when people use “she”, but confusion is better than the anger or annoyance I’d feel if I listed “they/them” and got she’d.
And I’m wise enough to not expect people to bother to read my pronouns–they can’t even spell my name right in an email reply where my name is right there. Think “Mickie” vs “Mickey”.
My names aren’t even difficult to spell nor do they have obvious ways to mistype. But I hated accidentally misspelling MY OWN NAME so much that my devices now have like over a dozen ways to autocorrect me into spelling my own name and life is better.
I can’t recommend this enough and my autocorrect list has probably 300 entries so far.
(I finally added the first tranche of autocorrects for my names after an email reply (think “mickay” instead of “Mickey”)).
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