My grandpa told me “always call your boss sir, and respond “yes sir”, youll be promoted real quick.”
First day at my first job my boss tells me “by the way you don’t need to call me sir, just Brian”
Its actually insane that the world that boomers lived in was that simple.
Dutch has a formal and informal 2nd person word (think “you” vs “thou”).
I have an intern who will not stop using the formal version, and it feels super awkward. I keep telling her to stop it, but she said she always uses with older people…
She’s 23, I’m mid 30s. Ouch.
You do those shenanigans in french too.
Super complicated with SO family though uhg.
Do you mean je vs u? Could you tell me more about which would be appopriate in settings like a police control, a shop or a campsite? I’m learning dutch but still trying to grasp those things :)
Welcome to dutch, where there are more exceptions than rules, and the natives just ignore the rules anyway!
In general, “Je” is by far the most common form. Children use “u” with adult strangers, adults are generally only expected to use it with people in authority positions, but that’s becoming more and more rare. It’s still polite to use “u” with strangers, but nobody will be very upset if you don’t, unless you’re addressing a judge, mayor or your boss’s boss.
Some people address their grandparents formally, but most don’t. It’s still considered polite to use it with much older people, like 30+ years older, but hardly will be upset if you don’t.
Quite a few companies require customer-facing jobs always use “u”, to be respectful, but even that is getting less. My city sends me letters with “jij” nowadays.
sounds kind of like je vs vous in french, not quite the same but used in a similar way
Funny thing, we actually call the calling someone jij tutoyeren and calling someone u vousvoyeren. This comes from the French.
Thank you, that’s definitely good to know!
German here, we have the same thing (du vs. sie). Our rules may be slightly different than dutch but probably similar enough.
Police: definitely formal unless the officer is someone you know privately.
Shop: usually formal though some hobby-related shops (think GameStop or board games) might prefer informal.
Campsite: probably informal
As a general rule of thumb: informal is used with first names, formal is used with last names. Think about which name you would use in English and go with that. If in doubt, use the formal version or ask.
I speak both german and dutch, and in my experience germans tend to use ‘sie’ in way more situations than the dutch. In my experience, germans also place more importance on titles (dr. Prof. Ir., etc), and older people can get riled up if you don’t address them with their titles, although it has gotten less.
In the Netherlands, I usually start with ‘u’ if I don’t know the older (60+ y.o., I’m late 20s) person yet, but I do listen if they tell me not to. Also the situation is important. For a job interview with someone clearly older than me, or if it’s a suit-and-tie sort of place, I would go formal. I agree with the above about the police/shop/campsite, altough most shops are also informal in the Netherlands.
Is that why Dutch people often get it wrong when to use “Du” or “Sie” if they’re speaking German? Because from my perspective that happens a lot.
I would assume so
Thanks, I’m a German native speaker myself - I tend to use je vs u in Dutch similar to the German du und Sie, but as the other replies indicate that seems to be a bit too formal in Dutch :)
Fun fact about English, “you” was actually the more formal one. But since we don’t use “thou” anymore, and most people know it from old-timey speak and church, we think of it as more formal today.
Well, people in the past talked MUCH more formally than we do.
If I talked to my grandfather in 1400 the way I talk to my husband today, he’d probably disown me.
“You need to keep phoning and sending letters to employers, they’ll give you a job eventually”.
Lump that in with the ‘apply in person’ crowd too.
Just walk in with your resume and and ask to see the manager so you can shake their hand…
Unless you are in the military or a sex dungeon, I wouldn’t use “sir” these days. It’s a bit odd in everyday life as culture has changed, haha.
Last time I was in a sex dungeon I called my dom Sir Loin… turned out to be a Miss Steak
That advice could also be harmful to your career. Being subservient like that will make sure that your boss will never see you as an equal as e.g. a potential successor
Sir Brian of Work
They didn’t. Some Boomers are also in the “just Brian” camp.
sir doesn’t sit well with me either for work positions, I say it to be nice sometimes, but not because you’re my boss. and if someone calls me sir, my response is " I’m not your sir, just call me …"
just call me …
Al?
That’s how I see it too. It’s like a whimsical anachronism referencing a more formal era.
“Find a job doing what you love, and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
I used to love software. Then all the Lumberghs took over.
How’re your TPS reports coming along?
Hobbies always change when they become a job because it transitions from well thought out, interesting and creative projects to mass production and monotony.
As a hobbyist you have the ability to discover and work on unique, novel projects, without stress but professionalism is about consistency and speed.
Usually by running the business you can dedicate some time and resources to the fun and novel stuff. Thats how I run mine at least, as a woodworker. I don’t crank out high grossing trendy stuff day and night but take the time to explore new ideas and get creative with it. That and using handtools instead of power tools.
Do you mean you used to like writing software by yourself, on creative projects that you were passionate about?
Sounds like somebody has a case of the “Mondays”.
I mean, I 100% agree with this one. If I’m going to be at work eight hours a day, five days a week, I better damn well enjoy it.
I’m a software dev, too, but have always left companies / teams soon after a Lumbergh took over. That was always a very good career move for me, and I am almost always pretty excited to go to work.
Plus, Lumberghs will be there for things you don’t enjoy as well. That would just make it harder, at least for me.
I’d say the tasks and role of your job should at least be enjoyable enough to not hate it but what I think is even more important (and makes me enjoy my job) is the work climate, being appreciated by colleagues / customers / management, and a sense of purpose.
Happy wife, happy life. Marriage is about compromise and sometimes I want to be happy too.
Happy spouse happy house is a better version. Both people should be happy.
Happy mate. Happy estate.
Never heard this version, I like it
Yeah old school relationships are insane. Always upset because of the “old ball and chain”.
I went out to drinks with older coworkers earlier in my career, and each time it was just constant wife bitching. Oh she does this, I hate that, old ball and chain. They came to me, I was in a long term relationship (who I’m now married to), and I just didn’t have anything to share. Things were going fine. They laughed and said you just wait har har har.
Well, that was 10 years ago now. We’re happily married, our marriage is full of compromise and mutual respect. We have tiffs, but never full on screaming matches. I still don’t have anything major I’d share at a bar.
Them though, 3 of the 4 of them are now divorced. Maybe spending all of your time at the bar complaining about your wife wasn’t the best for your marriage. But honestly too, good. If you hate them, why the hell are you married?!
Maybe staying at home and talking to each other about those complaints would’ve helped to work them out and compromise. Bitching to your buddies can be a good release, but it doesn’t help solve anything.
That was my take from the very beginning. I hate that one.
Sure, but in fairness I think that the intent of that saying is not to say that husbands should not be happy but to counterbalance the trend that used to be more historically prevalent in marriages for the wife to be treated as an appendage of the husband and taken for granted. If you view your partner as co-equal then arguably this saying simply does not apply to you at all.
I have never, ever heard it uttered by anyone except a married man who definitely meant it to mean “Give in to her every demand as written at any cost and you might have a moment of quiet.”
My preferred edit is “Happy Spouse, Happy House”
If you’re a quiet dedicated employee your value will be recognized and rewarded.
Yeah, that doesn’t work well anymore. Gotta be a noisy dedicated worker, and be willing to move jobs a few times to start seeing the rewards
rewards mostly come from job hopping. Raises at every place I’ve worked arent callibrated to inflation, so your 4% raise that the boss thinks is so great is closer to 0-1%/
Yeah, that doesn’t work well anymore.
It never did.
Working hard will get you far.
This works as long as you apply some level of thought to it. Digging a ditch with a spoon is hard work, it’s unlikely to help you get anywhere.
Depends. For someone else? Maybe not. On yourself? Definitely.
Work hard studying and exercising. Self improvement I’d important, and its not related to job opportunities, but rather mastering the art of living.
Something along the lines of “don’t ever go to bed angry at each other.” Like, yeah, you should try to work it out, but if you fucked up real bad, don’t push it. Sleep on the couch.
Sleeping on the couch isnt gping to bed, though…
So, they technically didn’t go to bed angry
Correct, it’s going to couch.
Alternatively, sometimes a good night’s sleep is good for everyone to clear heads and calmly tackle their issues the next day with fresh perspectives.
Also helps with work emails…
Never send an angry email the same day, and always send it to someone else for reviews. Also never put the recipients in the box until you’re ready to hit send.
Besides couch is superior to bed, those nights when I can’t get sleep in the bed the couch provides. Couch best. Even the cushions are for some reason nicer than pillows. Should definitely consider moving to the livingroom.
Start an argument. Live your dream.
Or getting a better bed
Go to a four year college so you can get the best jobs.
Nah, that advice is still correct. The 4-year degree provides a huge benefit over not having it.
It’s just that a lot of people don’t realize just how much shittier not having a degree in 2024 is compared to not having a degree in 1974.
So while the baseline has gotten worse, and the actual benefit of college has shrunk, it’s still easily worth the 4 year commitment and the tuition/opportunity cost.
Counter-point: not everyone is cut out for a four-year degree*. Some people are better suited for trade schools. My wife worked at a university and saw a number of students that were attending just because family wanted them to, but their heart wasn’t in it. Often they’d drop out with student debt and no degree to show for it.
*or at least when they’re young
a number of students that were attending just because family wanted them to, but their heart wasn’t in it
There are probably an even higher percentage of those in trade schools or entry level trades roles. You can’t compare the worst outcomes in one category with the best outcomes in another, and should instead compare medians.
The 4-year degree provides a huge benefit over not having it.
For average lifetime earnings.
So for some it may not provide a big help.
Right now trade schools are actually providing a better cost to income ratio than college.
It’s anecdotal but my friends in the Boston area were all making 120-150 in salary plus bonus before I was even out of school and I started in software at 65k and didn’t break into that level for another 4 years. Now I make 230 but they’ve all got houses and decked out retirement funds from having that good money when they were much younger. That extra 20-30k/yr in 401k and IRA funds with 5-6 years more growth time in the market isn’t something to shake a stick at.
Now I make 230
Yeah the break even point is like the early 30’s, even among people who are killing it in either path.10 years of $100k+ in your 20’s won’t be able to build up enough of a buffer against $200k+ after 30, when retirement ages are around 60.
It’s actually harrowing how little I have in retirement savings compared to them. I spent the first 6 years of my career paying off loans and only contributing up to my employers match. I was illiquid for multiple large economic events while they had cash laying around. They could buy cars when interest was zero. They had a house to refi when interest was zero. I feel like a millennial describing boomers but these are guys in their 30s who went to trade school.
For me to catch up I have to put money almost entirely in taxable accounts where their money and returns are shielded from taxes. They were actually able to use a Roth for many years where I was only real able to max one out for two years before my promotion put me out of eligibility.
The earlier you are in a market, the better off you are and trades put you into the market almost 10 years earlier than someone taking 4 years of college and then having 4-6 years of loan payments
There’s also a lot of things that people ignored from this advice. No one said get literally any degree, art majors have been the source of unemployment jokes since before I was born. No one also said take 5-7 years or more to get the degree either.
Oh wow that’s a good one! There was a time where it worked out great the vast majority of the time. Not so much now, definitely aged like milk
Skip the line with a blue badge at amazon (not financial advice)
Ages like milk…
Drink a full glass of milk at every meal. Otherwise, your bones will turn to pudding and you’ll get kidnapped at the mall because you’ll be too soft to put up a fight. Or whatever scare scenarios Big Milk pushed in the US in the 80s and 90s.
Now everyone’s drinking nut and oat milk because of health reasons and also drinking the milk of another mammal is kinda weird.
Because drinking “milk” from nuts and oats isn’t weird?
People have been drinking animal milk for thousands of years so the weird ones are those pretending some heavily processed industry process isn’t weird.
it’s water pressed through oats/nuts to add a little flavor, not from a nut teet.
Then do not compare that to milk. First guy used the comparison.
Damn, guess we all have to stop calling it peanut butter then 🙄
I unironically agree.
It’s called oat milk because it’s a nut-based beverage deliberately designed to mimic many of the properties and uses of actual cow’s milk. It’s not like oat milk is literally just juice pressed from oats. There are a whole series of steps, added ingredients, and chemical processes meant to make the resulting product as interchangeable for cow’s milk as possible.
It’s used in the same way for the same recipes. Yes, production-wise it doesn’t have much to do with animal milk, but culinarily it’s similar. Do you feel as strongly about the fact the “vegetables” as a grouping doesn’t make any biological or production sense either?
I mean, with advanced enough genetic engineering, we might be able to make nut teets a thing…
heavily processed
Always great to put that into arguments. It doesn’t really mean anything but it sounds dubious.
Making things requires a process‽ Can’t explain that!
“Milk” from nuts and oats is just a word. Call it oat juice, oat extract, make up a new word and call it oat zligbab. The actual thing being drunk is not far from the realm of things we already drink and eat. Getting hung up on it being called “milk” is a superficial and disingenuous argument against it.
If you want to compare the extremes of industrialized processes, are you familiar with commercial dairy farming?
Biologically it’s extremely weird to drink another animals milk. No other mammal does that.
No other animal does what we’re doing here either. Weird isn’t necessarily bad
Didn’t say it was
I mean soy milk has been around since the 14th century.
Processing and industrialization is something that’s happened to most things in our food chain, including actual milk.
“If you love something set it free, if it comes back it’s meant to be.” Nearly cost me the best relationship of my life because I was a dumb, impressionable kid that believed in wise sounding words. If you love something, hold on to it. Work for it. Don’t let it go just to “see if it comes back”.
Same could probably be said for just about any seemingly wise sounding sayings.
I think it’s more about control than sending what you love away.
“Set it free” means let your love interest choose to stay or leave on their own, don’t try to keep them caged.
Depending on what you mean, it’s possible that your love you regret letting go of wouldn’t have lasted even if you had held it and fought.
Though if you mean you took that saying and thought it meant you needed to push your love away to see if they returned, then yeah, that’s not a great strategy.
Yeah, the latter is how it was explained to me. Like, literally break up with the person you love to see if they’ll fight for you to take them back. Or push them away and wait a few years to see if they magically reenter your life or something. Crazy, I think some people believe they live in a hallmark movie
Ah fuck, that’s a rough lesson to learn the hard way. Like so obvious in hindsight, but if you needed to learn it, you needed to learn it before you could see that.
My parents separated when I was really young, roughly 5 yrs old. As I grew up and had visitation with my dad he always drilled into me “women just want a man who can provide for them, in the end they all just want money.” Being young and obviously not knowing how crazy my dad was yet, I believed him for a long time.
Turns out when you treat people like they just want you for your money, that’s the only kind of people who will put up with you. Kinda self fulfilling. Found a nice lady now, happily married and caring about each other, not just money.
Find what you love, and then figure out how to make money on it.
It worked for me, but not my spouse. Sometimes you just need to find something you’re happy enough doing to make the income.
Yeah, finding a career that is acceptable and pays enough to afford the lifestyle you crave is a balance. Usually that advice comes from people who love doing something that is coincidentally also highly paid.
Also, loving something and being actually good enough at it to make a career out of it are also two different things
I always thought that was really dumb. After hearing stories from people then “find a skill in demand that sounds like a fun challenge” is a way better approach. I went for software but mech/civil engineering, carpentry, electrician and architect would all also be great choices.
Depends what part of the process you like. Some people like to be very meticulous in their hobbies, and somewhat of a perfectionist. That rarely exists in a professional environment, where everything is based on getting projects out the door, on schedule and on budget.
I actually like banging out projects quickly, so the professional life of my hobby suits me well (woodworking). I love pounding out big mortises with a sledgehammer, planing big boards and watch chips go flying. I hate fiddling with joinery and slowly fitting them for 10 minutes (slowly learning how to do them faster). For other people, joinery is their favorite part.
I love sleeping.
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It’s not “don’t ever change.” It’s just saying don’t pretend to be something that you aren’t. You most likely can’t keep that going forever and that’s one reason why many people feel like their SO changes after being together for a while.
It can be a great compliment when someone knows you well enough to see that you’re overthinking things. Too many times it’s just thrown around without thinking it through and that ruins it for everyone
Yeah thanks * adult * for the advice, why don’t you try AuDHD and see what you think of it - or rather what others think of you when you just * be yourself *
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is myself
gets bullied for being self
attempts suicide from excessive bullying
think I did something wrong back then
“act normal”
“what do you mean act normal? I’m acting!?”
“Just be yourself” always feels like non-advice when it appears as an answer to a question like, “What should I do?” That’s because it’s secretly negative advice. As in, it doesn’t tell you what you should do, it only tells you what you shouldn’t do. It’s code for, “Don’t pretend to be something you aren’t”. Don’t pretend, don’t lie, don’t put on a facade you can’t keep up.
Technically good advice, yes. But it’s the equivalent of being behind the controls of a plane you don’t know how to fly and the pilot is incapacitated, and your question of “How the hell do I fly this thing?” being met with, “Well, for starters, don’t jerk the stick and flip the plane over.” Wowee gee, thanks for the tip.
just because you were that person doesn’t mean you are now. the advice still holds
Effectively ALL of what I was told about what makes a satisfying and successful life. I was told the right thing to do is work hard, go to school, get a good stable job, get married, settle down, have kids, buy a house, own several depreciating assets.
Life is about being happy. Nothing else. Do what makes you happy, because that car, vacation, or other piece of consumer shit won’t. Nor will living by scripts somebody else wrote for you.
I had my house paid off at 30 and was traveling 5-6 times a year. High-level in the gaming, lottery and promotions industries. Misery. Now I have a humble life and I paint and craft things and I go dancing. And I’m happy. I could pick up the tools again and make a highly successful Steam game, but I won’t. I already proved my point in my career and creative output, and I don’t want to anymore.
Bro, won in life, now doing sidequests
I gave everything away and now I live a simple life where I volunteer, work at crisis shelters, do recovery mentorship, housing outreach and other things. I am happy and I do not care about the trappings of the material world anymore. I chased the hologram until I caught it and discovered its true nature.
This reminds me of this meme, I saw one time :
I agree, but i also get a chuckle out of getting the meme wrong on purpose: this man held the same job title for 21 years, but something about being Principal Performance Architect sucked so much that he retired within a year and became a goose farmer.
Super curious here.
What game did you make?
I made several hundred games over my 20+ year career. I started making games for the world’s first touchscreen internet-enabled kiosks, the Playdium arcade in Toronto, etc. Moved onto online game development as senior dev for GameLoft.com, made the first online pari-mutuel gaming system, introduced online lottery technology to the world’s “Big 3” lotto companies. Made the first 3D tennis game. Honestly too much to even discuss as I could go on for hundreds of pages. Most people who are older than 30 have played my games and wouldn’t know it.
I’m older than 30.
Probably played one of your games.
It’s such a nutty claim for me to make… but I really believe any person on the Web circa 97-2005 and was involved in any kind of Web-based gaming has directly played at least one. Shockwave, Flash, Facebook no difference.
If you played any kind of web- or Internet-enabled, State-run lottery product anywhere in the world between 2010-2015 I would bet my actual life. And since the games I made were all localized for international audiences they were world-wide!
If you’ve been on a Riverboat Casino in the past 2 decades you’ve 100% played because I ran the game studio that made the games for a major supplier of riverboat Video Lottery Terminal games.
Holy shit… I never actually stopped and realized how many lives my crappy games touched…
I’m happy for you. :)
~2004. My highschool civics teacher told the class that real estate was always a good investment because it only went up. I didn’t really trust him at the time though.
Real estate can be a good investment, even pre 2008 crash. What can be dangerous is over leveraging. A primary residence isn’t really an investment, still worth buying though.
He was just echoing the same sentiment lead to all those house flippers. He was a wealth of conservative BS and that was just one of his thinly veiled prosperity gospel moments.
I mean, if you had money at the time and bought a house in one of the larger cities or their suburbs, you would probably be loaded by now, even though you would regret it for about 5 years after the crash
You have to be loaded to be loaded? Got it.
This “teacher” also would complain about wellfare queens who had children just to claim more benefits, that the best thing that could happen to a country is to be invaded by the US because they’ll rebuild afterwards and that every Union but teacher’s Unions were obsolete today, among other things.
he was a terrible teacher.
the wealthy have always considered real estate to be a liability that requires constant upkeep. they are money pits.
this is why they truly own nothing but physical assets(gold, paintings,etc) and leverage any liquidity on acquiring assets.
The wealthy are buying up properties either to rent out or if they’re Chinese, to move their wealth to places their government can’t take it from. They absolutely own propriety, but not with the intent to flip.
properties yes, but homes are not investments.
Don’t believe anything you read on Wikipedia.
That infuriates me. “Oh but anyone can edit”. Yes, but see for how many seconds your stupid edit will last. It’s the single most rich and accurate encyclopedia humanity has seen, ffs.
Teachers should be using Wikipedia as an opportunity to teach skepticism and following sources. I wouldn’t allow Wikipedia to be used as a cited source, but as a starting point for finding other sources on a topic.
Does anyone still say not to trust Wikipedia? They did so in the beginning and it certainly didn’t have to turn out trustworthy so that was good advice for a few years.
Now we see it’s the most trustworthy encyclopedia, and my kids’ teachers qualify it as “an encyclopedia is not an original source “, which is correct and a valuable distinction. They recommend it as a starting point but don’t allow citing it, as is correct.
People on Lemmy refer to it as NATOpedia.
