- cross-posted to:
- ausomememes@lemmy.dbzer0.com
- cross-posted to:
- ausomememes@lemmy.dbzer0.com
Not sure if this is the right community for this. If not, I’ll nuke it. Just looking for somewhere that isn’t world or ml now that autism.place is gone.
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I just don’t think I’m cut out for being alive tbh. I just seem to get more and more dysfunctional over time
I feel the same way. Then I think about it a bit more, and get angry that I’d probably be thriving if society wasn’t inherently exploitative. Somewhere, some time, some place where I didn’t have to get worn down to a nub and then rubbed raw across a cheese grater in order to prove I was worthy to exist.
Same here.
Though, in some fairness to myself, my autistic burnout included getting suggested by 4 different medical specialists that I, a 35 year old undiagnosed male, pursue getting properly, officially, diagnosed by a PHD for autism.
Told my family this, and their response was to say no actually, you’re schizophrenic, please agree not to the medical pathway suggested by your doctors, but abandon your career and voluntarily check into a long term care facility in the middle of nowhere.
Ended up homeless for a year, lost everything, all my stuff, my car, my job, family cancelled my phone plan thus locking me out of all 2FA accounts such as my banking.
Still recovering from all of my injuries sustained due to homelessness, wooo…
Goddamn! Sorry this happened to you. Most of my family is shite too but this is out of this world. Any idea why your family was this terrible? Like simple misunderstanding doesn’t feel like it cuts it.
Did you get diagnosed for ASD in the end?
My dad is a QAnon/MAGA nut who manufactures ghost guns and thinks Antifa/FBI did Jan 6th, thinks Tom Hanks’ son kills, rapes and eats babies for their adrenochrome.
He’s never wrong and it’s everyone else’s fault that no one likes him.
Raised me listening to Tom Leykis (basically a radio DJ who did the whole Andrew Tate manosphere thing on terrestrial radio 2 decades before it became an internet content genre) and Rush Limbaugh (arch conservative political radio talk show propogandist).
Oh also a drunk. Had to sell the house I grew up in because of his third DUI breaking his finances, had to get an interlock (blow and go) installed in his car for 7 years.
My mom did a whole lot of drugs as a kid and basically has the mental age of an 8 year old, as well as an apparently novel form of neuropathy.
Incapable of taking responsibility for literally anything, complains all the time, very religious, legitimately doesn’t understand words or concepts you’d be introduced to after middle school.
Together, my mom and dad raised me as fundamentalist christians, only for me to later find out they were not raised that way, they became that way after doing all the drugs and sex and partying, and lied to me until extremely recently about their anniversiary date, because it turns out I am actually an unexpected child and they got married 5 months before I was born.
My brother also did a lot of drugs as a kid (while I was getting almost all A’s in highschool and two simultaneous bachelors at Uni), is extremely thin skinned and explosively emotionally unstable.
He thinks that when the previous Chinese President was publically detained during a massively televised Party meeting/conference and subsequently never seen or heard from again, that this was actually him being put into Witness Protection… because of threats on his life.
He also thinks I should just do shrooms with him (not in a medically supervised setting) to better my mental health, and would get angry when I would tell him I’d prefer to listen to my doctors.
… My family is all a bunch of insane narcissist idiots, basically, and would routinely tell me how its not fair that I had a succesful career, constantly complain and hold everyone else to standards they miserably fail to meet themselves, and they would routinely get me to agree to collective plans to pay for things, and then they’d totally fuck up their lives and guilt me into financially fixing them (when I was an adult), as well as constantly dumping all their emotions and problems on me.
EDIT: Oh right, how could I forget the time I was going through normal puberty growing pains and my dad was convinced this was rheumatoid arthritis (a condition that essentially never develops in children) and thus forced me to get a spinal tap against my will, which was botched and still causes me pain everyday, and then spent the rest of his life gaslighting me and everyone else about how that never happened.
EDIT 2: Sadly no, I’ve not managed to get the official diagnosis. The waitlist for the adult autism diagnosing PHD is over a year, and I had to move halfway across the country to find a shithole I can rent with SSDI.
I … still have the recommendation email to the specialist … telling me that they are available to see me now, 1000 miles away, from about a year and a half after this all kicked off.
I am still working on regaining my ability to walk, after a whole bunch of my muscles and ligaments were torn, bones broken.
Goddamn.
PS this is not the first or second time I hear of someone being a drugged up party animal in their youth only to turn fundie religious in middle age and fuck up their kids and family.
Yeah…
(I added a bit more to after you replied)
I am fairly sure that my brother’s actually schizophrenic girlfriend came out of the FLDS cult, and may have actually personally met/known that guy from it who just got convicted.
In a way, I’m glad all of this happened, in the sense that my family probably thinks I am dead, and I will now never have to deal with any of their insane bullshit ever again.
… though it would have been nice if I did not have to nearly die every other day for about a year to achieve this, lol.
Yes, grab on to those silver linings. Little compensation I know, but you’re now much tougher. Little in life could faze you. I know from my situation and the horrified looks people give me when I explain my early life. Then I see the same people struggle with things I consider trivial.
Yeah, this entire thing has finally endowed me with self respect, and that perspective shift you talk about.
Always had impostor syndrome before.
That’s gone now, haha.
Holy shit, I am very sorry to hear.
Managed to qualify for SSDI, otherwise I’d be dead!
… nearly froze to death outside last winter, -30F…
… made friends with a lot of people who later died, violently…
… got held hostage and assaulted for a week straight at one point…
Yeah I should be dead.
… probably I have PTSD or CPTSD as well now.
I’ve read all of your comments in this post. I’m deeply sorry that you’ve had to endure so much hardship. I hope you continue to find more and more wholeness in your life.
I appreciate it.
💕
i have been cocooned in bed. don’t know how i’ll be when this burnout is over but i suspect it won’t be a beautiful moth.
currently in a big time autistic burnout, hit right in the feels
My condolences. (._.)
The other day, my mind decided to let me smell the entire fucking universe all at once for the whole day. I literally almost broke down on the train to school because there was too much going on. Yeah, I don’t think I’ve recovered yet and probably won’t because it’s finals week…
i can relate to this. i can hear the electricity coursing thru the walls. lately it’s been so loud that it keeps me up at night. no one else hears it, but i do.
i had to flip the breaker to the bedroom to quiet it down enough to sleep.
Im begging everyone in this thread to try using a white noise machine.
Oh I hear that kind of stuff too! And like the charger blocks for phones and things, and everyone thinks I’m insane.
Some days I can stand it or don’t even notice but other days it’s the auditory equivalent of sandpaper on my brain.
Coil whine is probably what you are hearing, a lot of people physically can’t hear it
I can hear my laptop’s screen refreshing for some reason, it doesn’t really bother me but it is weird.
I used to be able to hear powered up CRTs, but these days it’s just tinnitus.
I can still hear a CRT line scan (625×25=15625Hz for PAL)… but used to hear up to 21KHz, now I’m down to 17KHz. Which according to my otorhinolaryngologist means “perfect hearing”… and he’s unable to do anything about the super-high pitch tinnitus, around an octave higher, that doesn’t let me sleep at night.
@MelodiousFunk oh I still hear them for now, but I’msure I have some tinnitus too… diagnosed by the entire doctor as being a symptom on jaw pain that needs to be either address by a dentist or mandobidular specialist… the dentist is waiting for insurance approval for a mouthguard
You might be hearing the coil/capacitor whine when the CPU/GPU has a surge of activity and suddenly pulls more power.
Back in the day, on some computers, you could hear when someone was dragging a window across the screen. The larger the area being repainted, the louder the noise.
I’ve noticed this happening when i get really really high FPS in a game. Like running something from 1998 on a modern system and hitting over 1000 FPS.
Now I have my framerate capped externally so I’m not wasting power rendering thousands of frames for no reason.
Rest.
And the destruction of capitalism 🔥🔥🔥 😈
