Heya,

It’s my first time writing here as someone who has been lurking for a while reading other people’s experiences with their journeys. For the record, I am a cis gender male myself, but have been doing all I can to better understand the experiences of transfem people to be a better friend and ally to my still closeted transfem friend.

I don’t want to be too revealing of someone else, but to keep it to the point, I’ve been trying to understand what options there are towards gaining access to actual health care for her gender dysphoria. She is interested in HRT and while she’s not entirely certain about it yet, it’s something she wants to work towards. Yet the problem is that the chances of getting there are abysmal, it feels.

She can’t expect monetary help from anyone at all in her circles as she’s closeted to her parents and greatly uncertain about their support. She doesn’t herself have any real reserves to work with, her parents are paying for her upkeep and it’s pretty tight already. Not even remotely close to a chance to save up the money needed for the private route.

Anxiety and facing a brutal wait of… Just way too many years make her absolutely not consider going to a GP an option. She tried before and was just dismissed. Even if she wasn’t, the closest Gender Clinic is hopeless in terms of actually accommodating her within a timeframe that doesn’t feel like a cruel joke.

Is there… Anything to be done at this point? Is there some way to get this going without a five plus year wait? I can’t stand to see how negatively she feels about all this. I wish I could just pay for the costs of going the private route, but it’s out of my reach and she wouldn’t ever accept it if it was even close to being a difficult amount of money for me.

Is there some other resource to rely on somehow? I know it’s a lot to ask and I realize she’s not alone in this boat, but I don’t want to leave a stone unturned.

I sincerely hope I didn’t break any rules with this. I’m trying hard to do this right, but if I did anything wrong, please tell me what I need to change.

Thanks for reading, jackal

    • jackalOP
      3·
      2 months ago

      It sure seems most accessible, but it also just seems really extreme. I mentioned it before and so far the reaction was a strong and decisive no. I’ll look further into it, but I am not sure if it’s something she would ever feel comfortable doing.

      • dandelionEnglish
        3·
        2 months ago

        Any particular reason? I think you’ll find suitable education on this would probably dispel most fears.

        I don’t think DIY is extreme, to the contrary it’s rather common.

        • jackalOP
          4·
          2 months ago

          Hmm… The primary reason I have not touched on it further was the strongly negative reaction to the concept of self-medication. She has a background that has set her up with a very negative opinion of doing it on herself, even if she doesn’t judge other’s doing it. It’s not a moral problem, just a strong inclination against self-medication of any kind, I think.

          I wouldn’t mind researching it more myself and possibly present it as an alternative if nothing else works out, but I am not sure how much she’d appreciate it.

          • dandelion
            4·
            2 months ago

            To be honest, trans healthcare is not something you can or should solely / uncritically depend on providers for at this point. There isn’t adequate research and the community has done more to understand the needs than clinicians have. I strongly advise self-educating and approaching providers critically even if you don’t self-medicate. This is a good starting place: https://transfemscience.org/articles/transfem-intro/

            I do think it’s more common for trans folks to self-medicate precisely because clinicians provide such inadequate care, in addition to cases where care is made illegal or difficult to access.

            Either way, if DIY isn’t an option the next best option pragmatically is to get on a Gender Clinic waiting list ASAP and ensure she has access to mental health care and has strongly supportive friends and/or family during this period.

            The point is to mitigate and reduce harm in whatever ways are left, and not being medicated for a lot of people can lead to worse mental health, read more here: https://genderdysphoria.fyi/en/biochemical-dysphoria