Pull through parking. You know, where there are two spaces so you drive through one into the next so you can pull out of the one you park in without having to back up? I got told that was for “girls and gays”.
If pulling forward into an empty parking space in front of your car is gay, then I guess you’d better start calling me Elton John. What the actual fuck?
Rocket man
Not sure if related, but my wife once told me it was hot watching me put my arm behind her passenger seat, look back and reverse out of a car space.
Now I need to know… are reverse cameras also for girls and gays?
Along those same lines, aren’t backup cameras becoming standard in vehicles?
They’ve been mandatory on all new vehicles since 2018
They’re puttin’ cameras in the cars to turn the friggin’ trucks gay! (/s for those who don’t know the reference)
That really clashes with the reality of how truck bros actually park. Or does it…?
Truck bros park in the dead center of 4 spots.
Yeah, sorry, that was me today. Weird day. I’d back up 4 times and still not be able to see the lines.
Get a smaller truck, jfc. What if the lines were children?
Lying on the ground in a parking lot? That would be weird, but maybe they could have called out directions to help me get into a parking space.
It’s the same car regardless of location. If you can’t see the parking lines then extrapolate, idiot.
Real men know that there is a greater tactical advantage to backing out of a parking spot instead of pulling out.
One story my husband shared with me was when he and my dad stopped into a local bar after working hard on home renovations all day. They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day’s work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too “gay” for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like “I don’t know what you think you’re doing in there” and “I just need to make sure you’re not doing anything funny”. So they ended up just leaving while the guy yelled at them saying they had to buy something.
A slightly different version of this concept also happened to my husband. At one point, 2 of our lady friends were talking about fashion and my husband, who is MUCH more fashionable than I am, chimed in. They proceeded to tell him that he’s “not allowed to have an opinion because he’s a man” which is the most double standard bullshit I’ve ever heard come out of any of my friends mouths. It’s stuck with me for a long time now because I think it keeps me honest with myself about standards and reminds me to think about how opinions change when you flip genders.
They planned to get some dinner and have some beer after a hard day’s work but needed to wash their very dirty hands first. So they went back into the bathroom and washed their hands. Well apparently that was too “gay” for the owner of the bar and they went over to the bathroom and started saying things like “I don’t know what you think you’re doing in there” and “I just need to make sure you’re not doing anything funny”.
Fellas, is it gay to practice basic personal hygiene?
Washing your hands implies you touched your penis and touching penises is gay.
Only straight way to use a urinal is helicoptering, got it
I usually just wet my pants to avoid touching my own penis so I don’t get perceived as gay. Shit, I just used the word perceived. Gay af.
I think the bar owner thought they might be going into the bathroom to do gay stuff, not that washing their hands is gay.
Two men walking in the bar and going straight to the bathroom together. Man jumped to conclusions.
Well it is called “homophobia” and a “phobia” is an irrational fear.
He lives his life in fear of two consenting men. Lol
I had the realization recently that homophobes think of gay sex as often as I do; but they have to jump through mental gymnastics to get it while I simply open up app and I’m back to normal an hour or so later.
I can’t image how hard it is to be happy and hold such a defining part of your life with such contempt at the same time and that was the first time I’ve ever felt sorry for a homophobe; it was for Aaron shock.
They went in straight. All good then.
The conclusion id jump to is that they were going in there to do some drugs.
Wait… you’re not washing your asshole are you?
You can’t be having fingers near your butt, same with wiping
Fellas, is it gay to not eat dirt
Both of these broke my brain.
I once got called the f-slur for having the audacity to read a book in public, outdoors in front of the library.
It’s okay, you can say “fatty” here.
Is this gay erasure?
I think this is gay eraser
It’s reality; this fat gay book nerd got called fat derisively MUCH MORE often than the f word
I grew up in the 90s so just existing would cause people to call you gay.
The 90s. Cross your legs, gay! Wear a shirt with a loop on the back, gay! Express any emotions, gay!
The 80s: clear your throat in too high of a pitch? Get followed to the bathroom and the shit kicked out of you.
F
Nostalgia is gay dude.
They called us metrosexual
My dad used to call me this non stop. I didn’t know what it meant and he kept saying I was effeminate because I cared about the clothes I wore. I wanted to look good for the girls.
This, to my dad, made me gay.
Oh no sorry that’s just gheyyy! It’s a different thing altogether
I was told I’m gay because I like knitting.
I mean, yes I’m gay, but not because of that.Knitting is a form of computing and computing is women’s work. So yeah, super gay, just like all the other programmers. /s
We’ll programmers do enjoy their programming socks
My programming does suck sometimes, but I wouldn’t say I enjoy it.
There’s a knitting community, but it’s pretty slow. Crochet gets a little more action.
It would be really weird if that was cause and effect. I like to imagine how that might go down though.
Making quiche for brunch. Apparently an omelet is fine, but a scrambled omelette is gay.
Right?!? There was this whole “real men don’t eat quiche” thing that I remember from the 90s. What is unmanly about putting an omelette in a pie crust? It makes it easier to eat on the go and keeps better in the fridge.
Plus a properly made one is fucking delicious
It was an actual book in the 80s! https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Real_Men_Don't_Eat_Quiche
wow
deleted by creator
Stand in awe at a replica of Michaelangelo’s David.
Admittedly staring at a statue of a naked guy, but come on
Yeah, you don’t have to be gay just to be able to admire art.
Though it doesn’t appear to hurt!
Heh come on.
I’m disabled!!
Leg disabled
That has to be one of the best IT crowd episodes.
That and the fort trial. Or where Jen breaks the internet.
I went roller blading on the boardwalk along the beach during the pandemic and got called gay
It wasn’t your skates that did it; it was your crop top and hotpants. j/k
Well are you? I don’t see any proof you’re trying to deny it.
I haven’t thought about this in like 20 years but when I was in middle school late 90s some kid had an album where one of the songs was titled “You Rollerblading (f-slur)” and I remember thinking it was the worst music I had heard in my life. 90% sure it was grindcore music, I didn’t know what grindcore was at the time but my memory of the sound kind of fits that mold and the album had like fifty tracks and every single one of them was like 10-15 seconds long.
I suspected this was an Anal Cunt track by the title and looking it up proved my suspicions correct.
Looking at this now, you are correct, and while I wasn’t proud of myself for having thought the song titles were funny, I feel a bit more embarrassed now than I did two minutes ago before looking it up. Edgy teenagers were clearly this band’s target audience.
I found out about them during the Napster/Kazaa era looking for 311 songs and their song “311 sucks” came up. I thought it was funny, then again, I was an edgy teenager at that time.
There was a show, Human Giant I think it was called, which was like skit comedy. Aziz Ansari (spelling?) was in it. In the skit, he was talking about rollerblading and I lost it when, with a straight face, he said, “the hardest thing about rollerblading is telling your parents’ you’re gay.”
Washing your asshole… Seriously dudes, wash it anyway
Yeah this is still astonishing to me as a guy. Why is basic hygiene gay?
And up to the first knuckle, you don’t have to jam soap up there but wash your nasty ass if you expect anyone to not gag when they get near your crotch.
Some of yall are nasty.
Seriously. If I was a girl, there’s no way I’d want to fuck someone with a filthy asshole, especially on my sheets. Skidmarks on the sheets and smelling like old shit is gross.
Wash your ass and groin with soap and water just like you do your armpits and feet.
My unasked for advice? Keep your butthole hair trimmed or shaved. Makes it much easier to keep clean, and it takes two seconds in the shower.
Yes, why would you expect anyone to stuff something up there if you’re not going to at least keep it clean!?
In the 1990s in the UK, it was gay to wear a backpack using both shoulder straps (as opposed to using one strap over one shoulder, which was the heterosexual way to carry things to school).
As a fellow school child in the ‘90s, I can confirm that almost anything anyone did was gay. Holding hands with a girl? Gay. Liking video games? Gay.
According to the best school playground scientists of the time, opening a packet of crisps upside down (i.e. so the branding/writing is upside down, and you open the bottom of the packet, at the top) actually “made you gay”.
It wasn’t just gay if you did it, but it would literally cause a spontaneous eruption of gayness in whoever did it - who would be permanently gay from that point onwards.
Other way round now. And they have little satchel things too on their chest.
Bizarre times
Dance. In a troupe full of girls. Honestly, it was me and 15-20 girls.
Other boys literally called me gay for dancing, while they went and played whatever sports they did and then all went into a locker room and showered together etc.
I honestly never understood how they thought dance was gay. I don’t understand it now.
Spending hours with a bunch of ladies and possibly touching them in intimate locations.
vs
Spending hours with a bunch of guys and possibly touching them in intimate locations. Then showing with them.
Yeah, dance is way gayer.
Here’s something to ponder. The next time someone accuses you of being gay for [insert lame reason here], ask them how they know that’s gay? Are they gay? Funny how some “men” are so obsessed with “gay” stuff. Always remember, and never forget, closets are for clothes.
I definitely employed this strategy in middle school
Doesn’t generally work because logic doesn’t work on these people
I went this route in high school at a dude i had classes with that kept insisting his dick was bigger than everyone’s. Eventually I’d ask how he knew, that we didn’t have gym class or do the same sports so he would’ve had to go out of his way to check or ask other people.
He would compulsively bring it up, only to get shut down when me or one of my friends started calling him the dick expert with a meticulous catalog of all the dude’s sizes.
This is the adult, “takes one to know one”
Know how i know you’re gay?
Worst part about being on Lemmy is having to tell your parents you’re gay
Because I’m standing here not wearing any clothes? They are all in the closet btw. :)
Suck dick
Did you say “no homo” before doing it? If you did, that’s just a brojob between alphas.
I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.
! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.
Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<
I got the hunch that I’ve read something like that before. Maybe from you, maybe it’s a common occurrence. We need a scientific study on that topic.
I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.
Of course not i don’t talk with my mouth full. I was raised right
Oh god so so so many. I’m going to stick with music though for today.
You like ${artist}? That’s gay.
Even more fun, “You like ${Track} from artist? That’s the gayest track.”
Guys are real quick to make sure everyone else knows how much manlier they are by what music they listen to.
Sounds like your music is pretty gay. Add some masculinity with It’s Raining Men or just jamming to some Village People.
Just wanna point out that at least in the 90s and early 2000s people would call everything they disagreed with gay, and it didn’t have anything to do with sexual preference.
My brother’s gay and still calls stuff he disagrees with gay. Used to do it myself all the time but stopped quite a long time ago.
In the same vein, my friend frequently tells his fiancé to quit being a f*ggot when he doesn’t want to eat something unusual or complains about mild annoyances. Which always draws hilariously confused looks from nearby straights who don’t know them very well.
Those guys are all sadly afflicted by a case of the Notgays.
