Some time ago, I was seeing a post online about “walking on eggshells” and how people were annoyed at this, and it made me think a little. I always try my best to be a respectful and decent person, but when the matter is trans people I do get a bit nervous (I’m an introvert, by the way. I’m already a bit nervous by default). How can I be sure that I’m not offending someone while also not looking so worried about it?
It’s not hard.
If you meet a trans woman, treat her as you would any other woman and don’t ask invasive personal questions.
If you don’t know someone’s pronouns, then don’t assume you do, and use gender neutral terms until either they or one of their friends/colleagues communicates their pronouns.
The whole “walking on eggshells” thing is because there are transphobes out there who deliberately paint us that way. They push and push until they get a reaction, and then use that reaction to push some more. If you’re not doing that, it’ll be ok, even if you fuck up
You can never be 100% sure, because people are people, but just treat trans people as people and don’t do things to draw attention to them being trans.
I could be wrong, but I think it’s mostly a matter of familiarity? If a cis person is familiar enough with the trans experience and struggles, they’re not gonna say anything that’s a problem, because it’ll be obvious.
if your worried you may be causing offense just ask, as long as it isn’t blatantly offensive or highly personal most people who are worth interacting with will give you an honest response. as long as you show your trying to treat the way they want to be treated, they will recognize it even if you stumble because you haven’t found your footing yet.
Sorry I’m in a bad mood today. You can’t make sure not to insult/assault somebody, because even when you act in best faith, somebody can come along, interpret your actions totally different, and accuse you of something.
We need to care less about all of the bullshit that other people allege us with and listen more to what we think is right ourselves.
sorry for the rant. just had a bad day.
It’s okay. We all have bad days sometimes.
Okay, so, sorry if this bothers you, but, it’s been a long while, and I just want to know, if it’s even possible to you to see this: how are you? Are things going better than when you wrote this, or are the times still feeling difficult? Either way, I just hope you’re okay.
yeah things are going well, i was just having a single bad day in a row of good days :)
I’m happy to hear that! (≧▽≦)
how are you doing? :D
Currently, I feel like my life’s a mess.
Elaboration
I’m still trying to find balance and not to worry about things that I can’t control, like my future, or people who block me, even though I try my best (which brings me down).
But I guess that I could be in a worse place, and there’s still some good things and moments that I enjoy. Thank you very much for asking, that’s really kind of your part, I appreciate it. Hope things may be going good for you too! ✨
Hey wait a moment! Do you happen to have matrix chat?
Not yet! But I do have a XMPP account!
As long as you’re making an effort, that’s really what matters. Nobody’s going to be offended by a small mistake or slip-up. Just apologize and move on.
Trans people are people after all, and all they want is to be treated as such. They don’t want preferential treatment, just to be treated like everyone else.
If you’re an introvert, then you probably don’t want to attract attention to yourself in most cases. Same thing here.
Instead of being sure you don’t offend someone, just make sure you didn’t mean to offend someone. If someone does get offended and can’t gracefully accept an apology, they weren’t going to make a good friend anyway.
Don’t be a jerk and just treat us as you would treat any other woman. It’s not hard, if it feels hard maybe you might not be as nice of a person as you think you are.
I do my best, I just have basic empathy. 🫡
Just dont be an a jerk and listen to others, most people will be respectful when you make a mistake if you’re clearly not doing it on purpose
