She had interviewed and met both remotely and in person, this guy was merely an HR drone confirming her documentation. I was a little bent when she told me he had asked her to remove her blur filter “to have a look at her working environment, make sure it’s not cluttered” (something along those lines). No one else at this company requested such. Was he way out of line?

I should note, this is my PC in our living room and not where she will be working from. And this guy wants a look around our home?! Told my wife to bring this up once she’s settled in, ask HR if this is policy. She started today!

She thinks it’s a racism thing. I’m not so sure, but I don’t have any other explanation.

  • Samvega
    40·
    3 months ago

    No one else at this company requested such. Was he way out of line?

    People who experience discrimination develop a sense for when someone is othering them. It’s not always correct, because it involves intuition, and you can misread people. But will still develop a sense for it.

    Now, apply this to OP’s wife. OP says this about her:

    If I hadn’t seen the blatant discrimination she’s faced job hunting, I’d be more skeptical. She’s Filipino, but that’s “Mexican” to many. When I say blatant, I mean to say heads would roll if we had some of this on camera. She’s mostly unhurt by these things, just figures that’s the way of the world. But damn. One lady asked if she was Asian and was visibly appalled. Another said she would have to attend their church, and barely stopped short of asking her to renounce Catholicism. There’s much more I’m not remembering ATM.

      • Samvega
        18·
        3 months ago

        I have a birthmark that reads ‘VAGINA’ on my face.
        Some people treat me differently from the moment I meet them.
        I say, “I think that those people are reacting to my birthmark.”

         

        You ask: “Why assume they react to your VAGINA birthmark in particular?”

        1. The VAGINA birthmark is visible.
        2. People have made fun of me for having it before.
        3. I can see facial expressions when people perceive it, and notice features of judgemental reaction in their speech and behaviour after.

         

        Now, apply this to OP’s wife. OP says this about her:

        If I hadn’t seen the blatant discrimination she’s faced job hunting, I’d be more skeptical. She’s Filipino, but that’s “Mexican” to many. When I say blatant, I mean to say heads would roll if we had some of this on camera. She’s mostly unhurt by these things, just figures that’s the way of the world. But damn. One lady asked if she was Asian and was visibly appalled. Another said she would have to attend their church, and barely stopped short of asking her to renounce Catholicism. There’s much more I’m not remembering ATM.

         

        I’m heavily autistic. I’ve figured this all out logically, as a person who has experience discrimination myself. It wasn’t easy, because I don’t grasp social cues natively. I thought I’d been doing something wrong for a long long time when people initially appraised me as ‘other’, but it turned out they were just being judgemental assholes. If you’re not heavily autistic, I believe it should be easier for you to figure all this out, right?

        • ...m...@ttrpg.network
          4·
          3 months ago

          …you have a birthmark in the shape of legible english characters, not just one, but a full sequence which spell a word?..

            • AlpacaChariot@lemmy.worldEnglish
              6·
              3 months ago

              The irony of the autistic person using a metaphor, and someone else taking it too literally. You have to laugh!

              • Samvega
                5·
                3 months ago

                So, a visible difference that some other people react to with prejudice is not like racism. Got it.

                 

                You ask: “Why assume they react to your VISIBLE ETHNIC DIFFERENCES in particular?”

                1. The VISIBLE DIFFERENCES are visible.
                2. People have made fun of me for having those VISIBLE DIFFERENCES before.
                3. I can see facial expressions when people perceive THOSE VISIBLE DIFFERENCES, and notice features of judgemental reaction in their speech and behaviour after.

                 

                I’m sure you can comprehend why removing the controversial topic of ethnic differences [controversial because e.g. some people want to claim racism is does not happen any longer, or is not of any importance when it does because ‘it’s illegal to discriminate’] to replace it with another visible difference made it a suitable metaphor. I’m sure that you knew this, in fact, when you called it ‘dumb’.
                Your annoyance is, therefore, possibly more at me saying that a woman is allowed to believe she is being targeted for racist reasons, and that such a woman should be listened to fairly. Feel free to clarify on that, if you wish. As for me, I logically believe that racism exists, as I have seen it. And that people can intuit when it is happening, as I have seen it. And that other people can disagree with it, because they profit from racism being ignored, as I have seen it.

          • Samvega
            5·
            3 months ago

            It’s about as likely as someone starting and ending all of their writing with ellipses, with some of those ellipses being incomplete.