Or, alternatively, what did you do to another person which got you blacklisted from their life?
Long time friend turned out to be a sexist pos that was groping my female friends, but would only act this way when I had my back turned. I’m very glad my friends trust me enough to actually tell me what was happening. Am perfectly fine cutting that behaviour out of my life and my social circle.
This is so so so common. I guess we don’t call people out for it more because we don’t want to rock the boat with friend groups? Ass pats, leg squeezes, hugs that last a few seconds too long, …
Am perfectly fine cutting that behaviour out of my life and my social circle.
This sentence feels so performative and cringey, and yet it still must be said aloud because even my ex-friend to this day defends a similarly shitty guy with a well-documented pattern of abuse.
Am perfectly fine cutting that behaviour out of my life and my social circle.
This sentence feels so performative and cringey, and yet it still must be said aloud because even my ex-friend still defends a similarly shitty guy with a well-documented pattern of abuse.
Family started to make fun of my pronouns. I’m just tired of people choosing to be cruel for cruel sake. So I deleted Facebook, essentially cutting them out.
My mom refused to use pronouns and I’d given her 6 years to learn and grow, cut her out.
In the past, a coworker on purpose set up a birthday for one of my best friends and didn’t invite me. They made up super weird reasons why I wasn’t invited. I realized he was manipulative… I cut him out…
Another co-worker was a friend but then one day he wanted to start touching me. I don’t like being touched. I kept asking him to stop, he did it more. Til one day he pushed me into a cold case (we worked at a grocery store). I cut him out.
Regardless of who I cut out though, there is ALWAYS room to come back if they change and grow up.
I’m still hoping my mom will before she passes… : /
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Anyone who cuts off their parent for being transphobic is right. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Sorry about the way you are, hope you try to do something about it.
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Hm. I am a bit sorry for you and for those around you online stranger. Righteous intolerance is like drinking, at first its cruelty gives you rush but you’ll have to keep going to avoid the hangover -to keep the doubt at bay. And like all drunks, you’ll get so deep in your cups to wound those you care about. They’ll have to make the choice to suffer you or walk away. Listen to the chorus, take control of yourself and stop the tragedy before the third act. Cognitive empathy is a skill you can practice now.
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Wow don’t cut yourself on all that edge.
Good job figuring out how to make a Fediverse account at 12 though, you should be proud.
Edit: you guys, stop feeding the troll!
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😂
We don’t know the full story. I’d generally agree with you that family is more important than random strangers, and we should make more effort with family that we would with strangers. But that only goes so far, and the family members need to be making similar efforts, it can’t all be the children’s responsibility to retain good will while the parent routinely damages the relationship.
The OP already said they’d given their mom 6 years, that’s clearly the “family” effect, they have their mother many many more chances than they would a stranger.
I don’t know what your relationship looks like with your parents, hopefully it’s lovely, but once you’re an adult the power dynamic needs to change dramatically. My parents no longer control me and can’t tell me how to live my life. They can provide advice, which I generally cherish because they’re more experienced in life than me, but if they try to strongarm me into their choice like they did when I was their legal charge, I tell them “NO”
We don’t know the full story. (…)
I agree, and if it was explained in detail that the family is in the wrong here, I’d probably agree on the separation being the reasonable choice.
But it wasn’t. It was presented in a childish, scornful “in yaaaaah faaaace” way, supported by exaggerated generalization along the lines of “all x who y should go f* themselves”. This is wrong. This is wrong on so many levels, that it’s actually painful to see how one could fall so low and act like it’s ok.
I don’t know what your relationship looks like with your parents, hopefully it’s lovely, but once you’re an adult the power dynamic needs to change dramatically. (…)
I recall Stalin’s Iron Wall. And am a father myself.
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Not very polite or reasonable ngl
Please don’t feed the troll.
Worst thing is I know better and still cant keep my damn mouth shut
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Dude go back to reddit
I don’t think you should be telling children to take psilocybin.
Thank you, Gregory House. Your professional diagnosis is appreciated and will be taken into account.
Any specific shrooms you’re suggesting, since they work so well for you?
“Your opinion is irrelevant, drug user!” No seriously, go back to Reddit.
OP didn’t cut off her mum because of her identity, they did so because their mum didn’t respect them or their wishes. Have a good day, dude, you’re a lost cause.
The dude cut off his closest family, because they didn’t fullfill his wish and it’s correct.
Do you even give some thought to what you’re writing?
Have a good day, dude, you’re a lost cause.
That’s precisely how the guy chose to act, yes.
What are the pronouns?
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Not accepting themself would be pretending to be cisgender.
Here, you seem like you need this: https://www.apa.org/topics/lgbtq/transgender-people-gender-identity-gender-expression
go back to reddit
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Thank you so much
My dad broke up with his girlfriend, and was telling me this plan about fucking with her disability benefits, because she had gone for plastic surgery or some shit. He found this out from stalking her call logs.
I remember just pacing back and forward in my apartment trying to reason with him on the phone. “Dad, you can’t do this kind of stuff…”
I talked him down, told him I loved him, and will always love him.
I don’t know if it was the next day, but the next time we spoke on the phone he went right back into the same mindset. I couldn’t handle it. Sometime after the call I sent a pretty harsh message that I didn’t want to be involved with him. Haven’t spoken to him since.
It’s hard when you care about someone but they just hurt everyone around them.
Some people are kryptonite.
A girl I had been seeing for years, and thought I loved more than anything. After a lot of really intense drama that I honestly didn’t think I’d survive, and the following analysis with a psychologist, I realised she’d been emotional manipulating me for a very long time.
When I finally cut her out, things just became so much better. I’ve learnt what a truely kind and loving person can be like, and what it’s like to not walk on eggshells or have constant anxiety. So many seemingly innocent comments that in hindsight were insanely toxic controlling statements. It’s been incredible to feel free.
Im glad you recognized the manipulation & got her out of your life. Emotional manipulation can be so hard to spot.
It’s honestly one of those things I’ll never stop doubting, there’s a strong voice somewhere in my head telling me I’m wrong and being selfish.
Thankfully I’ve had enough therapy to know better, but that kind of manipulation really does have a good way of convincing you it’s not there.
You’re not alone in having this sort of story.
Speaking as someone else who survived an emotionally abusive relationship years ago (with gaslighting so successful that I had to start secretly recording our conversations on my phone to make sure they really happened the way I remembered and not the different story she would tell me later), successfully cut my ex out of my life and worked on myself, and am now happily in a truly wonderful and healthy marriage to an amazing person, congratulations on getting out.
I’m so damn happy to hear it worked out for you, that really gives me hope
It’s an ongoing process. Therapy helps, as does a truly understanding partner.
When I started dating again, my past crappy experience ended up contributing to my now-wife and I hitting it off so well:
- We both happened to have been through Some Shit before as these things go.
- We shared understanding and sympathy about what it’s like to be manipulated and treated poorly by toxic people.
- We were both confident about what we were and were not interested in, and were comfortable asserting ourselves about our own needs as well as listening and accommodating one another’s.
- We were also both living independently and staying afloat on our own, so if our dating didn’t work out ending the relationship wouldn’t have cost either of us our home/job/etc. (In my abusive situation this had not been the case.)
Guy was my best friend in middle school. We reconnected after I graduated from college, played and beat L4D and L4D2 together. Then he started sending me political memes, and they were all fascist.
I tried to reason with him, but then he refused to engage with anything that was longer than like a page, or any video/audio source longer than about five minutes, but didn’t seem to have any problem sending me stuff way longer than that.
I still wonder if there was more I could have done. But I just didn’t need that in my life. I’m not some hero, I’m a downwardly-mobile working-class schlub who’s pretty good at playing piano and riding a bike. I shouldn’t be responsible for dragging this dipshit back from the depths of fascism just because he sat next to me in seventh grade history class, and honestly, with some of the things he claimed to believe, I probably didn’t even want him on my side anymore.
That’s what I tell myself, anyway.
You did good. Don’t underestimate how valuable just telling a leer their behavior is unacceptable is. So many folks with horrible views have them in part because no one is challenging them.
I think it’s kind of a lost cause most of the time. My parents spend hours a day watching fox news and right wing youtubers. I’m not going to change their minds, I don’t have the time. You aren’t going to offset however much time his beliefs are getting reinforced with whatever time you spend with him.
If not you, then who?
I don’t think it’s your responsibility to cure him, but as somone close to him I think it’s your responsibility to try, because if not you then who? But it sounds like you did that to some extent
Oh, I did. I argued with him for months, and he just kept getting more and more toxic and more and more spiteful.
I cut off a close friend of mine when I decided to get clean from heroin. I used to use drugs with him and he was my weed dealer. He never sold me heroin, but his friends did.
I feel bad because he messaged me 5 or 6 years later saying he got clean too and said he was sorry for anything he did. He honestly didn’t do anything wrong, I just felt like I had to prioritize my sobriety.
I still haven’t contacted him. He was my closest friend for years. I wonder how he’s doing.
It’s never too late to reach out, until it is. I think he will understand, and even if he doesn’t, it’s worth a shot.
I second this. It’s your life and you don’t have to, but it would not be too late to reach out. If you want you can explain that you had to cut ties to get clean. Chances are they had to do something similar and will understand. And you don’t have to jump back into a friendship. Just wishing them well might still be good for both of you.
Good friend for 5 years or so. He turned into an alt-right fanatic and kept trying to make me upset by spouting “ideas” he knew not only I didn’t agree with, by would actually emotionally upset me (e.g. All street animals should be sacrificed without mercy, all immigrants should be returned to their original county, etc). He pulled this shit at my birthday also, ruinning the night not only for me but everyone present. That was the last time I saw him.
Another friend of over 10 years. He met a guy with a very strong personality and started copying everything the other guy did. Started dressing like him, having the same ideas, etc. I didn’t play along, so everything about my suddenly became the object of criticism as well. Never talked to him again.
I’ve lost one to the far right. Years ago. I’ll always be mad about it, but I’m trying to heal.
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Don’t spend too much time worrying about a few street animals, or there won’t be enough time to worry about the billions of farmed animals.
It’s not an either-or. It’s both. He also made fun of my veganism and made a point of enjoying eating dead, tortured animals, while making fun of me for caring.
Sorry, I was just being rhetorical. You encounter people accidentally expressing vegan values much more often than actual vegans.
Ah OK, I get it.
It’s not either-or, it’s just a matter of triage and magnitude.
So what’s your point then?I shouldn’t worry about abandoned animals living in the street because that is taking away resources I could be directing into animals that suffer in farms/farming industry? All animals that suffer should be object of concern for anyone interested in animal well-being.
there’s been a few. my (very much evil) step-grandmother was visiting my home with the rest of the family for a weekend barbeque. there were two things that happened that day. First, fairly early on, a new neighbor had brought back this ceramic baking dish I had brought them cookies and lemon bars over in. It was nice of them (they come back about half the time. they’re nice-ish, but not expensive baking dishes. our entire neighborhood bombards the new families with things. We even have it scheduled out for a couple months so they don’t get tossed.)
in any case, the mother was bringing it back and happened to be muslim. My Step-grandmother yelled- intentionally loud enough to be heard by my new neighbor, “YOU’RE NOT GOING TO INVITE THAT DIRTY TOWEL HEAD IN, ARE YOU?” the neighbor bolted before I could apologize, (i’ve subsequently repaired that damage.) Then my grandfather bitched me out when I told her that it was my house, and I would invite any one in I wanted to invite, and if she has a problem, she can leave.
then, I came back inside to her call my partner a Slut. Because she was a single mother. my partner heard. And my daughter. I WENT BALLISTIC. we were pretty close to going no-contact already. but that alone was enough.
of course, the rest of the family thought I was the bad guy for a couple years- and I more or less put them all on no-contact because they kept trying to sneak them over for holidays. after being told explicitly not to do that and if they had an issue, they can host it and we won’t come if they’re there. so they had a big “intervention” over it and things got heated. “You shouldn’t talk to people like that. What you said hurt” was the general gist of it. and that I should forgive the evil step grandma.
Ultimately, they decided to maybe leave it alone, because, why the hell are you talking to me. the conditions we set for them coming back have yet to be met. (Basically an apology. to me. and to my partner.) and I may have shamed my dad and brother because Evil Step Grandma shifted her vitriol to them. she was a truly vile person.
Me and my best friend of 10 years still talked regularly, but kept spending less time together. We talked about relationships a lot and basically both agreed that marriage is not really necessary for a successful relationship and that marrying is too easy to be dangerous in the sense that if it doesn’t work out, you’re likely going to be paying for the other person’s lifestyle for no reason whatsoever.
Apparently we didn’t though, because at one point he came out with that he has been seeing a girl the last few weeks and is going to marry her in a few weeks. I and the rest of his friends were like “um, we’re happy for you, but are you sure you know who this person is and that you literally want to spend the rest of your life with her? It’s only been a few weeks since you met her”.
He didn’t answer and blocked us all and completely disappeared. Last I heard they did have the wedding a few weeks later, dunno what happened after that. It was his first girlfriend ever, btw.
I agree. Marriage is pretty pointless - if you want to be with someone, go ahead. People shouldn’t need legal or religious contracts to do that. This has been an unpopular opinion with people I’ve been relationships with, but “let’s get married for tax benefits” isn’t very romantic.
Love does crazy things to people sometimes.
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This guy told me wife he was suicidal and my wife said to call her if he ever felt like that. So he started calling her all the time over the most petty non emergencies. Also he would tell her how he thought they were soul mates. Bear in mind, this isn’t one of those “my now wife” stories, we were married. Not that it makes okay otherwise. The two of us were at his place for his birthday and I had gotten too drunk. I go to the bathroom thinking I’m going to throw up. Turns out he tried to make out with her while I was gone. That was basically the last straw. We didn’t immediately cut him out after that but that was when we seriously began considering it.
It took so long because we were younger and more naive but also because he is super nice. He’s the only person I’ve dealt with that is so nice and polite but also so toxic. He was so pathetic. He would just use his sadness to try and get everyone to give him more attention.
So we ghosted him. Just stopped asking for him to hang out and made excuses as to why we couldn’t. Then just stopped reaching out. I don’t feel bad about it either because he’s used the threat of suicide to keep people close and gain attention before.
Got to drunk or got your drink spiked?
As much as I don’t like the guy, I genuinely don’t believe he’d do that. Basically the three of us ordered a pitcher of margaritas, maybe two, I don’t remember. There never would’ve been a moment he was alone with my drink that he wasn’t in front of my wife. It feels weird to defend someone I have a low opinion of, but no, I really don’t believe he did or would have.
Yeah, I figured it likely there wasn’t an opportunity.
The story made me curious if the guy created an opportunity was all.
Suicidal tendencies tend to throw a wrench into things…
Makes a hard situation much more difficult.
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Cutting ties seems appropriate in that situation. Turning him in for something like that puts a big burden on you. Maybe he comes after you for doing it? Maybe others get taken down with him and now they’re mad at you? It’s not your burden to stop imo, at least at that level.
She left us. And hey, if you don’t want to be in someone’s life, you have the right to just leave. And I’m not saying she should have stayed, if she wanted to go. All I’m saying is, maybe your kids deserve at least a hug goodbye, mom. Or maybe even a note? Especially since we didn’t have a dad either?
That’s so heavy, how did you two stabilize yourselves after she left?
Stabalize? Hahaha what’s that? Seriously though, even typing it here makes me want to cry. How do you get over your mom (and dad) not wanting you?
We did the best we could, grew up, and built our own families. And you better be damn sure my kids don’t leave the house or go to bed without me giving them hugs and kisses and telling them I’ll miss them/love them. They might go “daaaaaad” and sigh like I’m being super embarrassing and wasting their time, but when I’m dead and gone, they’ll never wonder if they did something wrong to make me not love them.
Whew, I think I need to go look at some funny videos or something after that! I wasn’t expecting to get teary on Lemmy at work!
Oof. Sorry man.
The person I had to cut out of my life kept pushing religion on me.
Sexually assaulted someone very close to me.
Then also later finding out it had also happened to other people. Disgusting, despicable person who is a drain on society, and I’m extremely happy they are out of my life and, much more importantly, the lives of those more directly harmed.
This is a long one. My shitty first roommate and now former friend. It was originally supposed to be three of us living together, with my then best friend, but she convinced me that best friend was too financially irresponsible. In retrospect, she just wanted the validation of me choosing her.
Unbeknownst to me, she was extremely emotionally unstable and became dependent on me to keep her level. Lots of crying and big fights over nothing significant. I put my foot down after a couple of months and told her I was moving out if she didn’t get her shit together. The next day, she faked a suicide attempt with aspirin and vitamin C pills. I came home to a trail of them from the front door back to her bedroom. Not knowing at the time what she had taken, I called 911 and she was taken to the hospital. The hospital offered to set her up with psychiatric care but she declined.
I insisted she needed to get help but she refused, so I started discretely looking for a new place to live. Word got back to her I was doing so, so cue fake suicide attempt number two. I came home to a similar trail of pills, just to find her bedroom empty this time. Turns out she slammed a bottle of NyQuil and threw down a bunch of vitamin C. She became incredibly ill and called an ambulance before I got there.
I met her in the hospital while she was getting her stomach pumped. She was pretty messed up from the NyQuil and told me she tried to kill herself because I wasn’t supportive enough. The literal quote was “I wouldn’t have tried to do this if you were a better friend.” When the doctor came around and offered to set her up with the local psychiatric hospital, I convinced her to accept. The NyQuil probably helped ease that through.
I moved out a few days later, while she was still institutionalized. I visited her in the hospital and gave her the news there, where she was being watched and presumably medicated. She lost her shit. After being released, she went on the war path, telling mutual friends I abandoned her after emotionally abusing her. We haven’t talked since.
