It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?
For me I have found that a good friendship is having a deep intellectual and emotional connection with someone. However there is no attraction involved, no jealousy, nothing. The one time I had feelings for someone (which I realised after 2.5 years working with them) I found that I just liked everything about them: their smile, voice, how they talked, etc. This was the first time I even felt a little jealousy. And I also yearned for a deeper emotional and intellectual connection. This person wasn’t even a close friend. So friendship and love has some overlap for me, but are different.
It’s descriptions like that that make me wonder if I’m aromantic in some fashion, because I don’t have anything like that.
For me that experience made me realise that I can get romantic feelings but very rarely (it’s happened only once).