spoiler
Ive kinda considered quiet quitting mg transition, I feel like few take it serrious, and my friends that do it feels like they are just being nice to me cause they feel bad that my dreams just are not possible. At this point ive kinds reached the idea that I’ll just boymode forever and hope they silently change my ID back to male so I can just go back into the closet while still on HRT since its so far in the past 2 years made virtually zero difference for me. I dont wanna get off hrt but at the same time, I know I’ll never be seen my general population as a women. I just feel like its too late since I started at 200+ lbs and fat couldn’t redistirube properly so ive permently missed out of stuff like hips and more femine views. Someone here acually said I didn’t look a day over 35, I’m 22. I just feel like being in the closet and just looking like a nobody dude, who avoids talking to people is the best course of action. If I’m lucky the second hand smoke I grew up with will kill me when I’m 40.
(not trans but ally)
I hate the way I look, and wish I could change several major characteristics about myself, but it’s also based around what I think everyone thinks about me; and there are a few that think I am attractive, and that (the cliché) ‘you are a very good person and that is a big part of why you are attractive’ (summarized ofc).
I have a couple trans friends, one is my best friend. They came out to me a couple years+ ago, so scared of the reaction they’d get. They told me first, even before their partner (again, scared). I’ve made a few missteps since (deadname x.x), but I don’t care about what their id says or what bits they have - they are a great friend, we’ve made so many awesome memories together. Your friends could be just like me, and they just want to see their friend be happy.
You don’t need a certain figure to “count” or be “desirable”, over the years (I’m 30, for context) I’ve found that my narrow view of what is attractive has expanded quite a lot. There are people who will think you are incredibly attractive, even if you don’t share their opinions about yourself. And with a little bit of time, you can start to see yourself as ‘you’ and not this ‘pinnacle of attractiveness’, because it doesn’t exist.
You mention briefly your weight, too; my friend is well over 200, their partner even moreso, I myself am along the same number as my friend, and my master is quite a bit bigger than I. Like I said, I used to think that I was attracted to just a couple different traits and body types. I still am attracted to those traits and body types, but I’ve found that I really like the person first, and their body and physical traits second. I know I’m not the only one like this, and there are people who want to be with someone like yourself, and they can bring you up and make you realize that you are attractive just the way you are.
You’ll do okay, it will be okay. Keep on the path that makes you happy, in the long run.
internet hug