I hope my enby peeps can help me out here. I am very interested in exploring a
more feminine expression, but my starting point is masc-af physically, so
anything too feminine too quick is going to have a very hard contrast and I’m
definitely more of an “I don’t want to stick out much” kind of person. Any ideas
that may be more androgynous, but not attention grabbing that I can try out? I
am not good at picking outfits anyway, so I need all the help I can get. Like
beard and full body hair, so obviously lower cut stuff could be very dysmophic
atm. Maybe something that just feelsmore feminine but may not look it so much.
You know? Does this make sense?
I’m in Australia, and initially, I just went in to a Kmart here (which as a I understand it, is not the same as Kmart in the US) and bought cheap things from the women’s section that looked androgynous.
but was afraid they were too obvious.
It depends what you mean by obvious. Some people will notice the person they assume to be a guy, who is wearing skinny jeans with small pockets but they won’t understand what they’re seeing, and generally, they won’t care.
Yeah the US Kmart isn’t a thing anymore. That totally makes sense that other people may not notice, but I guess my fear is that someone will blatantly ask “are you wearing women’s pants?” and I’ll have an obvious embarrassed reaction. I just want to be invisible. But how tf do you invisibly transfer?
You don’t transition invisibly unfortunately. What you can do though is do it at your own pace, one step at a time, only taking the next step when you’re ready.
my fear is that someone will blatantly ask “are you wearing women’s pants?”
You head this off by doing what I said above. One step at a time until you’re ready for the next step :)
Wear something that you don’t think will trigger that reaction in people. And when you get comfortable with how people react and what they say, you can change what you do, and maybe take another step.
That’s when you pull the “why does my ass look big in these jeans” troupe haha…
Sorry, I’m joking but only kinda. At some point you’ll get both compliments and accusations about the clothes you wear. Just try and enjoy the former and brush off the later. I do attempt to use humor a lot to deflect. It has the added effect of getting under bigots skin too. Got to choose your battles either way.
I’ve taken to just thanking them as well. Like overly flattered “thank you so much for noticing hun” kind of thing. It makes me laugh and often sets the mood of the interaction to a positive. Sometimes people are just not aware of how they sound but then once you reply bubbly they often react with a smile. I do live in a rather accepting area though so, grain of salt and all that.
That is a nice way of looking at it. I’m in an accepting enough area, but the state is not, so there is a good mix of those who couldn’t care less, and those that think you shouldn’t exist.
I’m in Australia, and initially, I just went in to a Kmart here (which as a I understand it, is not the same as Kmart in the US) and bought cheap things from the women’s section that looked androgynous.
It depends what you mean by obvious. Some people will notice the person they assume to be a guy, who is wearing skinny jeans with small pockets but they won’t understand what they’re seeing, and generally, they won’t care.
Yeah the US Kmart isn’t a thing anymore. That totally makes sense that other people may not notice, but I guess my fear is that someone will blatantly ask “are you wearing women’s pants?” and I’ll have an obvious embarrassed reaction. I just want to be invisible. But how tf do you invisibly transfer?
You don’t transition invisibly unfortunately. What you can do though is do it at your own pace, one step at a time, only taking the next step when you’re ready.
You head this off by doing what I said above. One step at a time until you’re ready for the next step :)
Wear something that you don’t think will trigger that reaction in people. And when you get comfortable with how people react and what they say, you can change what you do, and maybe take another step.
That obviously makes sense, that it can’t be invisible. Doesn’t mean my autistic ass wants to understand 😕
One of my problems is having realistic expectations of what is noticeable or not. (probably autism again) I definitely overthink things.
I have secret polished toes, and while it’s not quite the shade I want, I still do love it!
That’s when you pull the “why does my ass look big in these jeans” troupe haha…
Sorry, I’m joking but only kinda. At some point you’ll get both compliments and accusations about the clothes you wear. Just try and enjoy the former and brush off the later. I do attempt to use humor a lot to deflect. It has the added effect of getting under bigots skin too. Got to choose your battles either way.
That’s a great one! I’m usually fairly decent at coming up with stuff like that… 2 hours later 😂
Thanks for the funny/difficult truth advice.
I’ve taken to just thanking them as well. Like overly flattered “thank you so much for noticing hun” kind of thing. It makes me laugh and often sets the mood of the interaction to a positive. Sometimes people are just not aware of how they sound but then once you reply bubbly they often react with a smile. I do live in a rather accepting area though so, grain of salt and all that.
That is a nice way of looking at it. I’m in an accepting enough area, but the state is not, so there is a good mix of those who couldn’t care less, and those that think you shouldn’t exist.