Hey all, as I’ve been thinking about who I want to be and how I want to transition, I’ve gotten to wondering about people’s transition timelines in general. If it’s something you’re comfortable talking about, how long did it take you from realizing your trans to taking steps to transition? When did you start using different pronouns, when did you come out to people, how long did it take you to know you wanted HRT and then to start it?

I realized I wasn’t cis a few months ago, and have been growing my hair out and experimenting with clothing. I know I want to get permanent facial hair removal, and am interested in HRT but have reservations, and would value hearing others experiences about how long it took them to know what they wanted. I’m a very hesitant and self-doubtful person in general, and I guess just feel a bit lost in how to go about self discovery here.

Editing to say thank you very much all for sharing, seeing how different everyone’s experiences can be is honestly really comforting.

  • Transtronaut
    8·
    3 months ago

    My story so far…

    For context, I finally came to understand that I’m trans in my late thirties. With the benefit of hindsight, I can clearly see that before then, I’d been an egg my whole life (although that wasn’t obvious until several months into transitioning, after much reflection and remembering different long-forgotten things). Became aware of trans people in the authentic, non-stereotype sense somewhere around 2014, seriously wondered if I might be trans starting somewhere around 2019, but didn’t manage to properly crack until September 2023. Highlights from that point on:

    • Week 1: Soul-searching and binge-reading. Came out to two friends who happen to be trans, who helped me sort out what I was feeling and remove some doubts. They continued and continue to be a huge source of help.
    • Week 2: Came out to parents and siblings. Started looking for a therapist.
    • Week 3: Started ordering things online to experiment with and identify what would be euphoric (clothes, wig, jewelry, shaving equipment, etc.) to nail down what my gender even was. It quickly became clear that I am a lady.
    • Week 4: Started therapy.
    • Month 2: Tried breast forms, which immediately led to seeking a physician to pursue HRT. Couldn’t decide what to do about hair and settled on doing nothing (i.e., not cut it, but not style it or anything either), which persists to the present day.

    …

    • Month 4: Started HRT. Began to gradually come out to friends one by one. Attempted a name change with immediate family, but it didn’t stick. Tried pronoun change, but it was too awkward and confusing for me to have different pronouns in different contexts and with different groups, so I held off on it for the time being.
    • Month 5: Tried makeup and determined it was way too much effort for my level of executive functioning at the time. At some point by this time I’d also dabbled in voice training and arrived at the same conclusion. Both situations persist to the present day. This was also around the time that I gave up on shaving body hair long-term due to the amount of effort and rapid regrowth, and resolved to shoot for permanent removal once I no longer had to be coy about it.
    • Month 6: Started experimenting with name changes among friends in limited trial runs. At this time I also started occasionally requesting that friends use she/her in private, but not in public, also for limited trial runs.

    …

    • Month 9: Got really sick of coming out to people one by one and being secretive. I started making plans to come out at work so I could be fully out and update people with broader announcements instead. Started looking for a place to do laser hair removal and going back and forth with my insurance company over coverage. The latter situation persists to the present day (but I finally made a promising appointment just today! Things are looking up!).
    • Month 10: Came out at work and in general. From this point on, consistently using proper pronouns everywhere except in legal contexts and a chosen name everywhere except work, legal contexts, and where impractical. Still haven’t decided on a long-term name, but trying a few out.
    • Month 11 (present day): Presenting authentically in public. Given the body hair, lack of makeup, being early in HRT, and the fact that I still haven’t really figured out feminine clothes I’d be comfortable wearing in public (and therefore continue to mostly wear my old clothes), I probably don’t read as feminine. Thanks to that and HRT having blessed my chest, I probably mostly give off “unkempt non-binary” vibes. But it still feels good to make no effort to disguise anything or worry about anyone noticing anything.

    And that’s about it to date.

    Since you mention having doubts, I’ll add that I find the most valuable thing you can do is experiment. Try things and see how they feel, even if you expect a certain outcome. For me, at least, some sources of dysphoria don’t become apparent until I experience the euphoria from addressing them. Even when you do already know, it can help you become more confident or to prioritize things if you get a better idea of just how much they will affect you. So don’t be afraid to get your feet wet. Fuck around and find out!