Over the years, I’ve seen many folk talking about their relationship with femininity and how it relates to their transition and to their sense of identity, of who they are.
I’ve never understood it though. I don’t feel like I have a relationship with femininity, or at least, nothing beyond pragmatic necessity. It doesn’t relate to my sense of identity or who I am. In many ways, it feels like an obligation, rather than a source of empowerment or self understanding.
So, I’m curious how it works for other folk who find empowerment in it. What does it mean to you? How did it help you find yourself? How do you relate to femininity now vs earlier in your life?
Edit - To add some context. I’m 7 years transitioned, and “post transition” for want of a better term. I’m quite comfortable with my own relationship (or lack of it) with femininity. This is more an exercise in trying to understand different perspectives :)
I’ve only just recently begun exploring my gender identity. This is all very new for me, and very raw.
Gender is subjective. Defining it is like trying to nail jello to a wall. I cannot think of a single description that is exclusively feminine. When I imagine myself as a woman, I see myself in a new light, through a new lens. It feels like home. Gender is a construct, but that’s not to say it’s meaningless – marriage is a construct, too. If it truly is possible to redefine gender as anything you want, then why do I want so very badly to be a woman and not a man?
I never realized how much I despised my body hair until the first time I removed it. The first time my spouse called me “beautiful,” I cried, because until that moment I did not realize how many decades I’d been waiting to hear it. Gender is expressive. It’s how I see myself, but also how others see me. The desire to express is the desire to be known; I want people to know that I am gentle and nurturing, fragile yet strong, irrational yet relatable in my strangeness.
But I could be wrong about this, every single word of it, and it wouldn’t make any difference. Because I started down this path by deciding to want what I wanted, to feel what I felt, to act without trying to justify my actions to some invisible judge. And when I wear a cute outfit and see myself in the mirror, I smile. When my spouse calls me “wife,” I blush. When I think of femininity, I think of reinventing myself. To me, femininity is daring to live a life I have dreamed for myself. It is not troubling my spirit to vindicate itself or be understood.
Gender is nothing. But it’s also everything.
So much of your post is reflective of my own experiences with gender!