• rustyfish@lemmy.worldEnglish
    153·
    9 months ago

    It’s the year 2031. NATO troops surrounded the Cremlin after a weekend of mostly chill driving through the Russian countryside. Picking up defectors here and there.

    Russia still threatens with war if they don’t stop.

    Everybody laughs. Love is in the air. Good times.

    • Tar_Alcaran@sh.itjust.worksEnglish
      53·
      9 months ago

      I suggest a slight modification on the Prigozhin plan.

      Step 1: Hop on whatever vehicle you can find

      Step 2: Casually drive to Moscow

      Step 3 (Modified): Do NOT take Putin’s bribe.

      Step 4: Make sure you don’t have to carry too much ammo back

      Step 5: We did it!

    • frezik@midwest.socialEnglish
      51·
      9 months ago

      I’ll copy and paste a bit I did in reply to a Russiabot for kicking Russia out of the Ukraine.

      We tell Poland “Hulk? Smash.” and they rush across the border and reinforce Ukrainian positions. A US carrier group rolls up and sinks what remains of the Black Sea Fleet before the Admiral can get a second cup of coffee. Marines start landing in Sevastopol and the obligatory McDonalds is setup within 36 hours. F-22s body the Russian air force without even being seen; not because of stealth, but because Russians ain’t got radar no more. The Kerch Strait Bridge isn’t just bombed, but completely taken out from end to end. What remains of Russian ground positions west of Mariupol is full of soldiers who hear rumors that NATO POW camps will give you hot food and a warm blanket, and that’s sounding like a damn good deal by the end of the week.

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.worldEnglish
        25·
        9 months ago

        Also cut off Belarus from any Russian support and let the people there do their thing. Bomb the railway connections between Russia and China, add a blockade between Russia and Iran.

        And instead of just using McDonald’s on the frontline, add some A&Ws and really win some hearts and minds.

        • frezik@midwest.socialEnglish
          9·
          9 months ago

          50/50 chance Russian nukes just plain don’t work.

          No matter if they do or not, beeline direct to Moscow, St Petersburg, Murmansk, and blockade the Kaliningrad exclave. Also, Russian troops elsewhere in the world, such as in Africa, are now big fat targets. NATO has a lot of non-nuclear response options here, and even nominal Russian allies like China won’t lodge a complaint once the nuclear taboo is broken.

    • Diplomjodler@feddit.deEnglish
      37·
      9 months ago

      Day one: Russian air force gets taken out by NATO air strikes.

      Day two: remaining heavy weapons are mopped up by NATO air strikes.

      Day three to one hundred: Russian meat waves get mowed down by NATO air strikes and artillery.

      Day one hundred and one: Putin tries to launch nuclear attack, fails.

    • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
      32·
      9 months ago

      China.

      Hear me out: Treaty of Aigun established Vladivostok on what was Chinese land - Yongmingcheng, where the russians built a western city/port for their pacific fleet. And the russian ‘east’; there’s a fantastic stretch of land that’s going to become quite livable due to climate change while china experiences a series of frustrations - inability to separate Taiwan from the west’s interference, inability to execute the 9-dash line’s ambitions to control the south china sea, and unity in the Australia-Indonesia-Philippines resistance to Chinese influence - why continue to waste resources where there’s nothing but resistence?

      Look north. Russia doesn’t have the best army in the Donbas lol, when supplied the Ukrainians are tearing them to shreds - far more lost there than Afghanistan and Chechnya - mind boggling losses. Will the Russians really be able to stand up to a peer army?

      And no one would twitch. Who’s going to jump to Russia’s aid?

      Seems like a win.

      • Buddahriffic@lemmy.worldEnglish
        5·
        9 months ago

        I don’t think they will act directly against each other until they’ve dealt with the west. One attacking the other directly would just cement western dominance.

      • AngryCommieKender@lemmy.worldEnglish
        4·
        9 months ago

        Been saying that for months. There’s enough of a Han population in Vladivostok for Xi to say it’s a “special military operation,” protecting native Chinese. It’d be a heck of a political coup for Xi, because he could have an easy military victory, and redirect attention from Taiwan. Also gives them a port outside of the first chain of islands that have cut them off from everything but the East China Sea

        • mojofrododojo@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          9 months ago

          csto

          it would be hilarious if Ru asked… imho the stan clan + armenia really don’t owe all that much to Ru, and putin in particular…

          something tells me China + Ukraine forcing a 2 front conflict on Russia would outweigh anything the CSTO could bring to bear quickly.

    • NoLifeKing@ani.socialEnglish
      14·
      9 months ago

      Special forces find putin and put a nuke in his asshole, then he goes to see his government buddies and kaboom.

      • jobby@lemmy.todayEnglish
        5·
        9 months ago

        I think just a big wood chipper followed by a mobile reggae sound system bumping up the highway slowly, passing out food, medical supplies and weed to the inhabitants as they go past. Followed an hour later by ANOTHER sound system and several clearly branded flatbed trucks, with happy smiling people throwing candy and chocolate off the back to the re-assembled crowd.

        Ain’t nobody stopping that parade.

    • xenoclast@lemmy.worldEnglish
      6·
      9 months ago

      Tell Republicans that Gay Russians are having IVF just so they can get abortions at the free medical clinic.

  • Rubanski@lemm.eeEnglish
    32·
    9 months ago

    I am quite curious if Japan will take back their Kuril Islands in case of war. Russia already pulled their equipment from the islands. I was surprised to find out that Japan and Russia (or better the USSR) never really signed a peace treaty after WWII. So it seems technically they are still at war

  • Hotzilla@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    31·
    9 months ago

    Russian foreign policy equals to domestic policy. They always bark outside when they have domestic issues, like people revolting against Putin. It is getting bit jarring to shift blame to NATO, and it is surprising that it works to any Russians.