Hello! I’m here 'cause i’m very, VERY confused about what i am. I’m 26, virgin, never even kissed. I have always thought i was (and maybe, deep down, still think) a straight guy, but now i don’t know anymore. Now i’m very very confused about my sexuality and masculinity.
I wanna say that i watch sissy hypno (porn videos that should brainwash you to become and think like a girl) since i was 16 years old. Now when i watch porn i always imagine to be the girl. I have used my mom’s clothes in the past (i don’t remember if i already started watching sissy hypno). I’m also in a particular situation down there: I think I’m so conditioned by sissy hypno, bbc, big cocks, porn etc that now i don’t properly “jerk off” anymore, 'cause now i always cum HANDSFREE (without touching myself), in my underwear and in my pants, just watching porn and imagining to be the girl… i literally wet myself. As i said before, i have always thought i was a straight guy, although i have become kind of “obsessed” with a particular porn actor (a male one), and he REALLY makes me doubt my sexuality a lot… I have also favourite female pornostars, but with them i’m never 100% sure WHY i like them so much… If it’s because i simply wanna have sex with them or 'cause i wanna be LIKE them.
I have tried to stop watching porn (my record is a month) but nothing changes. I always come back and i have always urges to be a girl. If i stop and i try to masturbate with pics of solo girls it’s “difficult” for me, 'cause it’s difficult to think about having sex with them, but i think things like “i wanna be her friend”/“I wanna dress up with/like her”/“I wanna take pics in front of the mirror with her”/“I wanna be like her” etc…
The problem is that i think i’m not a girl and that i’m not gay 'cause i think it’s just a fetish. If when i’m horny i imagine to be a girl, when i cum PNC (Post Nut Clarity) hits and i wanna be a guy again. It’s like having 2 different personalities. Also, i don’t think i’m gay 'cause okay, maybe i like cock, but JUST if it’s big and thick, otherwise no… It could exist the most beautiful man in the world, but if he does not have a big thick cock i won’t like him.
So yeah, that’s me… sorry if it’s too long and sorry for bad english but i’m not a native speaker.
What do you think i am? I need opinions and suggestions…
Regardless of what you are, it’s important to realize that there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. It’s fine to be trans or gay, just like it’s fine to be straight or cis. It’s fine if it’s a fetish, and it’s fine if you’re trans. Just because you’re atypical, doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. Cutting through the shame might help you understand yourself better.
When it comes to sissy hypno or “cock lust,” it could be a kink for feminization, but you could still be trans. Having a fetish and being trans are not mutually exclusive. When it comes to gender and sexuality, we can’t fully choose how we feel or what we want. Right now, you shouldn’t look for a reason behind why you want something. Instead, focus on what you want.
A big part of being trans is wanting to be another gender. If you want to be a woman and don’t want to be a man, then you’re a woman. If you don’t want to be male or female, you’re neither. If you want to be both male and female, you’re both. If you want to be a feminized man, or a woman with a penis, or both at the same time, you can be it. If you want to be a sissy in bed, but not actually date men outside of sex, then you could be bisexual and heteromantic. If you want to fuck fem, but live masc, it might be a fun kink.
A useful exercise is to consider what would feel worse: You being a cis guy with a fetish, or you being trans. Would you be disappointed that you’re a guy, or relieved that you’re a guy? Would you be sad if you were a girl, or happy?