Up until I started working, I didn’t really encounter that question. When I did start working, people started asking me that question.
Them: Where are you from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Where are your grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
Them: Ok, where are your great grandparents from?
Me: Canada.
It’s irritating sometimes. I just want to exist, do my job and go home, like anyone else. Once is ok, twice is odd, three times is weird, and the fourth time is a pattern.
The only accent that I might have would probably be from Newfoundland, Canada, as I grew up with a lot of people from there. I also talk too fast sometimes.
Have you had similar experiences, and if so, how did you handle it? Can fast speech patterns cause this? Why do random people care so much?
Asking where you are from is pretty normal conversation, especially if you have a noticeable accent. Asking where your parents/grandparents/etc are from is less common. Are you by chance not-white? Sometimes these sorts of questions have a race element to them
I think I look pretty white, tbh
ok, but are you? what’s your ethnicity? Just wondering.
You say you look “pretty” white, that’s like how “not really” isn’t a “no”.
This is often a proxy for a different question.
And that question is “why isn’t your skin the same colour as mine?”
Well, if he’s from Canada (as I am, no hate!), the answer is “We get like 4 hours of sunlight per day here.” I wear shades to block the glare of my own reflection in the snow.
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Or she! I don’t know.
It’s also a form of othering. You are different and they are establishing why
Why is your skin colour the same as mine?
Fucking poser
they’re trying to figure out your race or whatever
That’s exactly what it is.
Light haired white people don’t generally recieve this type of question.
I mean, there is a chance that somewhere along the way someone was sneaky, so 🤷♀️
They’re either making conversation or racist, depending on context. Answering the country you’re from if you’re currently in that country is pretty odd.
But that is the answer to the question. I’m not understanding the alternative. If the person wants to ask, “What race are you?” They should ask using those words.
I can’t recall a time ever needing to know anyone’s race. So I’ve never asked this question in 50 years, but perhaps one day? Idk, seems like a potentially insensitive question.
I don’t think being interested in the (ancestors’) race of a co-worker is necessary racist. I worked with people with all kinds of cultural backgrounds and it might be just an interesting topic to talk about. If someone has family in Iran, Senegal or Indonesia that’s definitely more interesting to me than a conversation about weather or last night’s football game.
Definitely agree with this. I’ll try to ask this in order to connect with their culture (such as with traditional cooking), but I can see why someone would have their guard up when asked. It’s all about intentions
Personally when someone asks me where I’m from, I respond in order of:
A) if I’m in my home city, I tell them the province I grew up in (because I came from a small town I would never expect anyone to know, if it was a big city I’d say that.)
B) If I’m away from my home city in my home province, I tell them my home city.
C) if I’m away from my home province, I tell them my home province.
D) if I’m away from Canada I’ll tell them I’m from Canada
E) if based on context it seems they’re asking about my ethnic background, I tell them I’m some kind of western/northern European mutt.
Now obviously I’m white as hell and no accent, but OP is saying they’re basically that as well, so I’m not sure why race would be the assumption for them either. I don’t even know how I would respond if i asked someone at work where they’re from and they answered Canada.
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I think asking where someone is from is a pretty universal way to mean, “What ethnicity are you?”.
Usually, you can understand someone’s question based on the context. Your question, for example, “What race are you?” Is not specific enough. I could answer, “I’m not a race, I’m a person, but I enjoy competing in races.”
So just use context clues to understand a persons question and answer the question if you feel like it.
Sounds like the correct answer to the question is Newfoundland, if it isn’t the accent it is probably some regional colloquialisms.
When someone asks me where I am from I normally say the city / province. I would never answer Canada while I was in Canada having the conversation.
Exactly, that’s just a weird non social answer
Also some Newfies I’ve met have an odd mix of Irish/Scottish/Canadian accent that really threw me the first time I heard it.
I’m not from Canada (but within 1/2 day drive or less my whole life), but I think if the first answer I got was Canada, the next question I might ask would be what part/province?
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The follow up question could have been “where in Canada”, but it decidedly wasn’t
I think they want to know why they ask at all?
Because it is a standard getting to know you question in offices?
It’s more uncommon not to be asked that question at some point.
I spent a lot of time working with vendors, it was a standard small talk question while waiting for meetings to start excreta…
I would say Canada because I’m multiple generations deep and it feels the most accurate.
So are you autistic? Because the literal-mindedness of your answers and the lack of awareness of how to engage in small talk is telling. I say this as one on the spectrum myself; it took me a long time to understand this is just an attempt to establish social connections by finding points of commonality. “Oh, you’re from Calgary? I used to live there, too! Did you know a store called Myth Games?” Neurotypical people are also waiting for you to ask the same things in return and often feel miffed if you don’t show any curiosity about them.
Also autistic. I had the same thought about OP.
Before building my mask I was very similar (and probably pissed a lot of NTs off too lol).
I was in my 50s before I started understanding this stuff. Before that, I was married to a very gregarious man who was my social buffer. I could hide behind his small talk. But then he passed away and I was left twisting in the wind until I started to learn how to make small talk. Often I just ask myself what my husband would have said.
I was late
diagnoseddiscovered as well. Early 30s.I have a decent mask built up but it is really exhausting so I try not to use it if I don’t have to.
On thing I’ve found about small talk is, people love to be told what day it is. Like they ask you “how’s it going?” and you say back “well it sure is a Tuesday!” It’s actually amusing how well it works.
That’s good advice for someone who has a more outgoing partner who knows how to small talk.
I don’t know if this applies to this kind of question though. If you ask someone where they’re from and they say Canada and you want more you would say “what part” not start going up the generations
I might or might not be. I was tested as a child, but my parents were told that I had ADHD. They could have been wrong, though. I’ll keep my mind open and maybe get checked out again at some point though.
I would agree with you about the small talk thing, but I could also argue that some people just suck at small talk. ADHD, trauma, behavioural diagnosis, etc could all be a cause. I would also argue that most people would pick up on someone avoiding a topic. If I get one worded answers, I’ll usually move on to the next thing or I’ll let that person be. I won’t usually keep asking someone the same question in different ways if I don’t get an answer the first couple of times haha.
As a mixed third generation immigrant, I get this a lot. In my experience, most people want to know my ethnicity, but for some reason they never ask me that directly.
Because it’s none of their business and it’s a tad racist, and they know racism is bad but they don’t want to look as bad people.
It’s not racist to be interested in where somebody is from.
No, but it can be outright rude.
Can be, absolutely. But there is nothing inherently wrong with it. One just needs to know some tact.
One just needs to know some tact.
“Just”? Tact is very infrequent in certain locations. I’d even say that common decency is.
It is if you assume that someone is from somewhere else because they don’t look like you.
It’s not racist to ask about ethnicity.
It would be racist to ask about ethnicity and then discriminate based on the response.
We can easily assume the reason.
Specially if the person asking is from a certain countries where such a question is almost invariably racist.
You really can’t. If I ask one of my Indian co-workers what part of India they are from, I’m not trying to figure out where they land in the caste system. Indian-Americans know this, and because of them now I know why someone would avoid volunteering that information. There’s no one size fits all reaction here. Maybe they are super well informed racists that know specific regional race/classism, but I think more often than not, westerners are asking it just like they’d ask favorite sports, foods, leisure activities and so on.
I’m a white Australian and I get asked this all the time. Mostly they’re just trying to make conversation and since most people at work are migrants it’s a natural conversation starter. Sometimes they are looking to remind me that the only real Australians are the indigenous peoples and I am, therefore, British. This what you get labelled if you say your background is English/Irish lol. My favourite was being called British by a mixed German/Brazilian who insisted he was Spanish.
In countries with a lot of immigration and diversity I think it’s natural for people to talk about this. I like hearing about what life was like for people in Tibet, or Myanmar, Eritrea, Cook Islands etc. I don’t think it carries the same level of racist connotations as it used to. How are we supposed to have cultural exchange if we can’t talk about our backgrounds?___
And besides, more and more people from around the world are going to be going to other places around the world to find better opportunities. It’s gonna be ramping up exponentially if we don’t at least try to get a handle on climate change.
Probably racism like in this skit:
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It’s just a standard office getting to know you small talk thing. You’ll get used to it.
FYI, they were looking for you to actually talk and engage with them, not a one word answer. Tell them what part of Canada, that your family was part of the Canada-US wars and locked the US’s. And most importantly, ask them something in return…
Skating it once might be standard. But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange
Maybe, but they were probably thrown off or annoyed by his weird one word answer. Replying “Canada” when you’re in Canada is just strange.
Yes, indeed. That’s also strange.
OP says this has happened multiple times though
But asking where the grandparents are from is kind of strange
Yeah, that’s almost always a question based on racism.
Yea but where are u from?
After the second time you should just respond “don’t overthink it”
“Why do you ask?”
…
“Why do you feel entitled to an answer?”
…
They’ll figure it out.
Random people care because they were taught to care. Scared people see anyone who looks different as a threat. It starts there.
Thank you, I might try that if it comes up again
Good luck, truly. I can only imagine how awkward it feels.
I have a long time friend who complains about this kind of behavior. Friend is a Creek Indian living in the Muskogee Creek Nation in Oklahoma. That’s about as native-born and indigenous as you can get.
Unfortunately, her skin is somewhat less than lily-white, and that just seems to bring out the dumbasses.
