Disclaimer: I have no quarrel with the mods using the term in the creation of this community. I understand why they chose it, as even if they share my disagreement with the term when applied to ADHD, there’s not really a better inclusive term. “Mental illness” is really the only other option, and naming a community that would probably invite darker discussions that the mods might not be prepared to handle.
Another disclaimer: I think the term is perfectly valid when applied to autism, as autism is not, to the best of my knowledge, a mental illness so much as a difference in processing. Being autistic is only “bad” in the sense that our society discourages autistic traits. (Apologies if this is wrong; I’m neither autistic nor especially knowledgeable about autism.)
The term “neurodivergent” implies that there’s nothing wrong with you if you have ADHD–you’re just special and different. But my ADHD is an illness that requires treatment. A lot of people will tell you that the only reason ADHDers struggle is because society is set up wrong, but I don’t think that’s true, at least for me. Being unable to remember anything, unable to self-start, and hypersensitive to rejection would be massive problems in any world. Sure, the world today is particularly brutal for ADHDers in a way we could probably mitigate if we reorganized society to be kinder, but that doesn’t mean ADHD isn’t ultimately a disorder that some people need to treat with medication and therapy.
You are, of course, allowed to feel that way. But I’d trade my brain for a normie brain in a heartbeat. I’d still be me, just capable of taking out the trash. I see no upsides to my ADHD that aren’t canceled out by the signifcant downsides.
Hopefully a community like this where people share their experiences can help you to discover the ways in which your brain is wonderful and beautiful. I have quite a few partners with ADHD and I’ve found the following traits of theirs rather admirable:
I’m not necessarily saying that ADHD doesn’t come with benefits. I’m just saying that, for me at least, my ADHD’s shittier aspects undermine the benefits it gives me.
For example, I’m quite creative. But I don’t create much. Why? Executive dysfunction. I’ve wanted to be a writer my entire life. But I just don’t have the discipline (or executive function, call it what you want) to make it work. I’ve had the same novel idea for a long time. Wanna know how many words I’ve written? Zero. I’ve got a bunch of scattered, sometimes contradictory notes about the characters and setting, but I can’t make myself sit down and compile it all, let alone plot out a coherent story. I’ve tried writing without planning or outlining beforehand, and it works insofar as it gets words onto the paper, but at the end of it I’m left with a disaster that needs copious editing and no energy or interest in doing it.
I wrote a couple novels when I was a teenager. They will never see the light of day because after writing them, I never got around to making them into something decent, and now I’m no longer interested in the projects.
Even on meds, I just lack whatever it is normies have that makes them select a project or skill to work on and then follow through with it until they’re satisfied. The one and only creative thing I’ve ever been able to stick with is crochet, and even then, I took a six-month break from it and only picked it back up on a whim. And I only stick with crochet because it’s easy and mostly thoughtless; I won’t be able to do consistently anything that requires sustained mental effort, especially sustained mental effort.
Admittedly, I probably could write more consistently if I had some kind of outside force making me, but where do I find that? I both need structure and avoid it at all costs because it feels so suffocating. I could maybe get an accountability buddy, though I hate having to be accountable, but I doubt that would be enough. I fear the hell out of failing out of school, but if my dad doesn’t sit down with me and help me study, I just won’t do it half the time. Even with the meds. Even knowing my future depends on it. Even as a 27-year-old adult. Even knowing my dad is paying good fucking money to send me to school. My brain simply hates doing things. Hell, I even procrastinate on things I love.
What good is a writer who doesn’t write? I know I’m worth more than what I produce, yes. But still. The world could have my works, but it probably never will, and that depresses the hell out of me.
And none of this is even touching on rejection-sensitive dysphoria. RSD makes normal life events like breakups and failure into soul-crushing catastrophes. I’ve tried repeatedly to kill myself in part because RSD ensures things that happened years ago still hurt just as sharply as they did in the moment. There are some things I will simply never get over, and I just have to learn to numb the pain enough to keep living. Call ADHD a gift all you like, but the truth is that a healthy person’s brain should not try to kill them over every bad thing that happens.
That sounds really tough, and I’m sorry you have to struggle with a system not designed with people like you in mind 💜
See, like, I’m not sure that’s the problem. I mean, sure, that’s definitely part of the problem for work and school shit. But what about shit I do on my own time? Even under fully automated luxury gay space communism, surely you’d have to do a lot of stuff on your own. And I just… can’t do certain things I’d like to do. I dream of a socialist utopia and a world where it’s okay to be different, but even in such a world, who would make me write? Someone clearly has to if it’s ever going to get done. Owning the means of production would not make me more productive on my own time.
Needing help with stuff other people don’t doesn’t make you lesser, but it is something of a problem that has to be dealt with. I don’t like it. I’d rather be able to do everything someone without ADHD can do. I’m not sure there’s anything worthwhile I can do that a normal person couldn’t.
And what of the RSD? Breakups and ends of friendship and failures are going to happen in any world. Yes, we could live in a less lonely world, or a world that doesn’t place so much value on productivity/succeeding at everything the first time, but frankly, I think if we all lived in close-knit communities the way a lot of my fellow leftists hope we will someday, that might make relationships ending even more painful because then you’d have to keep seeing the person at the monthly community meeting or whatever. Again, I don’t know that this is a social problem so much as a “my brain tries to murder me every time something bad happens” problem.
I hope this doesn’t come across as me being upset with you. I’m not. I’m just trying to say that hey, for some of us at least, this whole ADHD thing is a real shit deal and having it treated as “just a difference” isn’t always helpful.
Apologies if anything I said minimized your experience or struggles. I’ve done my best to reread everything I’ve said and I’m struggling to see what I could do better in the future to ensure no one else feels that way when I talk with them. If you happen to have the mental energy to help explain to me what would have been a better way to interact with you, I’d really appreciate the input! But if you’re feeling drained or like I’m asking for too much from you don’t worry about it at all 😅
No, it’s okay. I don’t think you really did anything wrong, tbh. It’s as much my own issues as anything. I was just rubbed slightly wrong by the “system not designed for you” comment because I’ve heard too much of that from people who are flat-out anti- any any form of psychiatry or chemical treatment for ADHD. I have no idea if you hold similar beliefs, but my hackles go up a little when people start talking about “wrong world” stuff in regards to ADHD. It’s clearly true that the world is not designed for people like me, but for me at least, I’m not sure that’s where the problem ultimately lies, and some people I would like to consider allies say things that make me doubt their commitment to actually making things better for people like me, because psychiatric treatment is an integral part of that. Anti-psychiatry strikes me as a deeply ableist and idealized view of certain people with mental health conditions, and it’s often based on the naturalistic fallacy. That it’s so common among the leftist circles I run in bothers me immensely.
None of which has anything to do with you, necessarily, so I apologize for ranting at you a little. Again, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m not upset. Just had a bit of a moment, is all.
Thank you for the detailed reply and insight into your thoughts on the matter. In case you were curious I’m absolutely pro medication for anyone that it helps. Drugs are a wonderful outcome of medical science and the idea that we would withhold or make drugs inaccessible to those who need them for any reason (moral, financial, etc) makes me upset. People can choose to not take drugs if they want, but that should always be a personal decision, not one forced upon others.
Agreed on all counts. They should never be forced on anyone, but they should be available to whoever needs them.
Thank you for being so understanding and willing to learn, even if I didn’t really have any actual complaints about your behavior. I always appreciate when someone is looking to improve.
(I can always provide you with a detailed explanation of my thoughts bc I ramble at the slightest opportunity lmao)
I realize this is like 2 months later, but I read your posts and wanted to let you know about an online event/community called NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It’s an annual event/challenge (traditionally in November) to write 50k (or your own goal) words in 1 month, with an explicit quantity > quality approach. I’m an aspiring writer in the same boat as you and participating in NaNoWriMo is the only thing that ever worked to get me putting words on paper, even during college. It provides some structure (daily or weekly goals) without being suffocating, and it adds a bit of a gamification/friendly self-competition element to the experience of writing, but the community itself is really laid-back, casual, and inclusive. There are also sometimes in-person writing get-togethers that can be very helpful to get that extra dopamine boost for writing. If you’ve already tried out this or something similar and it wasn’t for you, no biggie, I just wanted to highlight a potential writing aid that you/others reading might not have heard about.