This time I decided I should probably conceal carry. I’ve done it before, so it’s not like I don’t know what I’m doing, or am generally unsafe with a firearm. I went to the bar I used to cook for, and after I got in, this hick just loudly proclaimed every minority by slur they didn’t like and wished them all dead. He basically only liked white Christian cis-heteronormative people 🤷. This is not the first time I’ve heard this kind of hate to me and my family, so I’m unsurprised. I sit and have a light beer and a shot, and wait while everyone leaves. I got to talk to the bartenders, about nails, some stories about ex boyfriends, plans for the future, catch up about what happened since I left, minus my transition of course. She said I look good. Said my arms have thinned, my hair is back, I’ve lost weight, I look younger, etc. All stuff that made me feel good. I thanked them for talking to me, the one lady started to cry, she was sweet enough for an industry girl, and understood if you treat me well I’ll move mountains for you if I can. Kinda made me feel pathetic that I was thanking a bartender for talking to me like a person, but I don’t get much of that anymore.

Today my mom (who knows and is transphobia white Christian nationalist incarnate) came by with her parents (liberal-light). They drove for hours to come visit, it was actually nice. My live in family all calls me Jessie, but only my partner knows why. So they are all referring to me as Jessie, my mom is asking people if they want dessert and she deadnames me stumbles over it, gets upset (not mad, but emotionally upset), and I tell her no thank you, that it’s okay, that she’s good, and she keeps walking to the cheesecake and apologizes and asks again, and I tell her no thank you, that I don’t eat like I used to while I walked to her, hug her and hold her while she kinda cries. “I tell her it’s okay, that I love her, that I’m willing to meet her halfway, that I know it’s hard, that I’m not mad, that it’s all good, that we’re all good. She hugs me tight and tighter and cries. I cry. Even if it isn’t understood, in that moment of cooperation, we had an understanding, she’s trying, and I’m here to calmly be the best child I can in helping her have a relationship with me if she’s willing.

We texted when she got home, she wants to come back, talk more, not holding my breath for a breakthrough, but I’m hopeful that she might do some personal growth and come to accept me as me, even if I have to lie a bit and just be Non-Binary butch when she sees me on the random holiday.

One day at a time I suppose.

Attached is my handgun, but not my picture, with all the threatening bullshit I’ve been getting, I’m gonna get back in the habit of having a edc again.

I pray y’all are in safer places, but what do you all carry for protection?

Edit to fix typos and add, I’m loaded with Hornady .380 Critical Defense

Edit 2: replace original opening text with the same text but citing a hyperlink to florida law re-iterating that I do indeed know what I am doing and didn’t do anything illegal where I live or break any rules.