i had a very unspecific depression over years (am in my 30s now). i had took some interrest in genderbending stuff, but never had the thought, positively, that i wanted to be a girl. i liked it that my beard didnt really grow until my late twenties. all that felling of being somewhat comfortable in my body faded, when i started to see more and more manlyness. i had the feeling that noone would ever find me beautiful again. after a few years i realised quite recently, that i’d rather be a girl. only since that moment of clarity i started to get very aware, and ‘actively’ dysphoric. still i consider this to be better than befor, when i had no sense of self and self worth. now i know. it’s not all just repression.

i had some lasersessions already, and when i looked at pictures of me from last summer i got the feeling i just didnt look at my face, esp. my beard. (i shave without a mirror since forever) but now, that i feel myself again, i can start to care. so this awareness that here and there are still hair is stressful, but i feel it to be the right train of thought.