Honestly it’s a long story but I got a bunch of red flags. It’s not that I don’t like him but I am just very suspicious.
For me the worst part is that he seems emotionally unavailable. Like he takes so long to respond all the time I honestly think he is seeing other people (if he doesn’t have a wife and kids already, lol).
Last time we saw each other he said we should grab a bite to eat sometime but he hasn’t messaged me at all since then, and I’m realizing this is kind of a pattern with him.
I feel like either he isn’t that interested in me, or … I mean that’s pretty much the only option tbh
So I should just cut him off, right? I mean if he ever does message me I bet it’ll be days from now…
Maybe I’m just too clingy but either way, I don’t think we’re compatible in that case. I’m not used to men being this distant tbh. Usually when I go on a date the guy wants to lock things in really fast and like… cares about maintaining my interest
Edit: in case he does eventually reach out, how can I decline while letting him know why (not cause I didn’t like him but because he doesn’t seem present enough)? Or is it better to just not respond or block him?
I’m mostly worried he will catch me when I’m lonely and then I will make the horrible decision of seeing him again
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I mean, if someone is making you feel this way then that’s a dealbreaker, no matter what’s going on of their end.
If he does eventually ask me to hang out again, is there something I should say to make it seem like it’s his fault for being a jerk and not the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him? Or do you think it’s pointless?
I don’t think he is being a jerk necessarily. it’s just incompatibility and a perfectly valid reason to end the relationship.
Idk I’ve literally never had a somewhat normal guy do that… one was a legit sociopath who was really cruel and evil … like just ghosting for days I’ve always had problems with
The other was extremely bipolar and took me through the worst rollercoaster relationship ever where the whole time he was “unsure” about me
I think your efforts and attentions are better focused elsewhere. If and when he expresses interest again, maybe you won’t even feel the same way you do now?
I don’t know, this whole thing is just a trainwreck. If he does message me to hang out I might say yes because I’m lonely but I know I shouldn’t and he doesn’t have what I need
Whatever the case is, it sounds like your needs aren’t being met.
Maybe you’re crazy, maybe you are clingy and overwhelming. If you haven’t messaged them and they haven’t messaged you in a day or two, that seems unlikely.
Conjecture; Maybe this person is depressed, I know I am bad at communicating when I’m down, but that’s not your problem and they need to get themselves in a stable spot first before they consider dating. (Personal experience talking here)
I would consider moving on, maybe they get back to you later with a really solid reason for being the way they are, but without a firm plan to change and give you what you need, it seems like a FWB situation at best.
Not sure if this is still true, but when I was single I found dating to be a numbers game. If something didn’t seem like it was going anywhere, I moved along quickly. I would say it is safe to move along from this person and find someone (or many people) more responsive - especially if that’s a quality you want in a partner. Best of luck!
My motto when it comes to dating is.
Figure out what the bare minimum amount of effort you need from the other person is. Tell them what that is, if they don’t meet that minimum, move on.
Just text him “where you been?” Let him know you want more consistent contact. If nothing changes, end things. Maybe he thought the contact was enough, maybe this, maybe that but, why waste time thinking about it.
Thanks. Honestly the more I think about it the more ready to move on I am. I can’t think of any good reason someone would be this inconsistent.
This is your opportunity to decide for yourself, just how often is a reasonable frequency of check-ins? Maybe he’s intentionally playing hard-to-get, maybe he’s underconfident and fearful of initiating, mistaking passivity for being “chill” / approachable.
Initiating check-ins should feel somewhat evenly shared. If there are also other red flags this early in the getting-to-know-you stage, then yes just honor your intuition and leave the ball in his court. When I was dating, I checked in the day after a date, and then every 2-3 days thereafter. If you both have full schedules then maybe a week? You’re not a bad person if a week between check-ins is too little connection for you.
